plural

was good

really good

as promised I got rip roaring drunk
made a spectacle of myself
as only I can

and not counting tips and booze
won a considerable amount at poker

it was decidedly smaller
after paying for my bar tab
and gone completely
when I contributed to a friends wedding present
[a bunch of us pooled together and bought him a laptop]

but I had a delightful evening

I danced with beauty
laughed with friendship
flirted with disaster

and built a legend

well
that is hardly true
I've always had one of those here
perhaps
it is that
we became friends again
that legend and I

put those uncomfortable silences behind us
and set forth a new

last nights twist

was a new strain

a fairytale
or perhaps more accurately
a myth

the blind man's bluff

I was pleasantly chatting
with the young beauty on my right
and a pleasant fellow on my left

explaining to them
that while the cards matter
to a lesser degree

it is the player I play
not my hand

they looked at me with skepticism
and rightfully so

so I decided to illustrate

on the next hand
I didn't look at my cards
but instead watched the players
I bet
the entire round
each hand doubling my previous bet

most of the usual suspects
having seen me play this game
too many times
folded

normally
as the bettor
it would have to flip first
but
since I still hadn't seen my cards
where they had seen theirs
I asked if they wouldn't mind
flipping their cards first

my opponents
smiled assuredly and agreed

the cards came up
and hands were measured
I was facing pocket aces
with a pair of nines on the board

I flipped over my first card
bupkis
no help
little smirks of glee
lifted the corners of my opponents mouth
twinkles sparkled in the eyes of those
who looked forward to the comeuppance
which was so surely to follow
such a rash and irrational play

I flipped over my second card
a nine
trips
the hand was mine

the table erupted
the dealer shook his head sadly
a good friend of mine
and an excellent player
who dislikes my theatrics
as an affront to proper sensible game play

I smiled but was reserved
after all gloating would be unkind

turned to my companions
offered to give them the opportunity
to win their money back

I went all in
before the cards were dealt

this is another thing
my friend the dealer dislikes
one because it is out of turn play
and two because then he has to explain to all the newer players
how such an abomination affects game play

you can learn a lot about people
at a poker table
and
as an observer of humanity
it is one of my favorite aspects of the game

but as a complete bastard
I do enjoy that brief flicker of worry
that crosses their brow

their rational mind screams out

he is being a fool, take his money

and their rational mind is right
but they eye the size of my bet

but somewhere
deep in the pit of their stomach
is the gnaw
churning twisting
whispering
worrying

the juice looks tasty
the juice looks free
but
is it worth the squeeze?

it is an all too human question

but they see the money
and they get the itch

it is that itch
that reels them in

in fact
that itch
is the basis for every con
every sleazy trick
every fraud

it is a human constant

if there is one rule of gambling
any sort of gambling
it is never play a bet
you aren't comfortable making
or more accurately
losing

it will, always, get you in trouble

I've only broken this rule once
when I was in Monaco
and even though I got away with it
it was an experience I'll not repeat

anyway I've digressed enough
and do need to wrap this post up sometime today

some folded
but I got four callers
to a forty dollar bet
[numbers are approximate]
[obviously]

since everyone was all in
we flipped our cards

starting on my left
the hands were

44
AK offsuit
JJ
A6 suited

my cards

46 offsuit

people smirk
surely it is over
and then comes
the flop

357

the turn

9

and the river

Q

it was basically over at the flop
the flush draw was dead
but
it was theoretically possible
for the pocket jacks to hit the turn and the river
he needed two jacks for four of a kind
or two more of either 3s, 5s, or 7s for a full boat

possible but not fucking likely

I went to get a drink
while the dealer
now officially cursing me
counted my chips
took the max rake
and kindly racked them for me

I returned
drink in hand
and continued playing

some hands I'd look
some hands I'd bet blind

some hands I'd win
some hands I'd lose

but I won more hands blind
than I did by looking

was it good poker?
not in the least
it was terrible poker
but fun nonetheless

and so it was

the blind man's bluff

Serving servicing your country?

Hey Buff - Is thats why all you special forces guys wear kneepads?

so the past couple of hours
I've been experiencing this wierd thing

sometimes I will lose the ability
to right click on links
in internet explorer

then without any reason
it will come back

so I got annoyed
and decided to check it out

it turns out
that when minimized
[but not when in the background]
my ancient ass LJ client
[beta version 1.4.6]
breaks right click

now because someone is going to ask
why I'm using that ancient ass pos client
and well
because it has all the features I want
none of the crap I dont
and takes up no system resources

and until today
just fookin worked

I'll just have to load up
my debugger and symbols
and see if I cant comment out
whatever code is hoarking my vista

I'm going to be something of an asshole here
so enjoy it, respond to it, or fuck off

I've long been annoyed with people blaming Microsoft when their shit doesn't work or making inane blanket statements like "Microsoft iz TEH SuX0r!@!"

Sure criticizing Microsoft is the "in thing" with the popular crowd, but I get annoyed
when people who cant tell their ass from a hole in the wall with regard to technology
suddenly think they are technology pundits when their ten year old printer doesn't work.

There are plenty of things which I and many other knowledgeable computer professionals
(and yes even some select amateur puter geeks) legitimately criticize Microsoft for. [MSBob anyone?]

But most of you? Fuck off, if you don't like it, run Linux!

Oh wait, you can't run Linux cause you don't know shit about shit
at least when it comes to computers and you do not want to learn

Go buy a Mac, you worthless whining little bitch.

That way you can have a pretty computer
that gives you street cred with all the popular kids and
then you can masturbate to your new glimmering iLifestyle with all the rest of worthless consumerist iTards©.
[iTards & iTarded are copyright me - all rights reserved]
[I'm fairly sure Apple will claim they've got the rights to anything starting with the letter "i" but fuck em]

If you refused to learn how to drive, and subsequently crashed your car.
Whose fault would it be?
The manufacturer of the car? No dumbass, it is your own damn fault.

Essentially MS software has allowed users to do things which because of their limited knowledge of computers they would not otherwise be able to do and they turn around and complain because MS does not do everything perfectly and exactly how they like it. Not to mention that most users are too lazy/disinterested/stupid to bother actually learning enough about how computers and software work to run a real operating system like Linux.

I'll admit that while I've run Linux boxes in the past (and have one now) even I have fallen prey somewhat to this. Microsoft has made OS's easy enough and powerful enough that even a geek like me doesnt really see the benefit of a Linux machine except for a few select tasks. Other than perhaps the ill-advised intention to try to make computers accessible to people who refuse to learn anything about them? How is any of this Microsoft's problem? It isnt, but they try damn hard to fix it anyway.

Are Microsoft products perfect? No, but after working for a number of the major tech firms out there over the past 13 years, I can say they are pretty good.

I've been employed with or done work for the following companies:

Microsoft
Cisco
Nortel
Gateway 2000
IBM
GE
Sony
HP
Compaq
Dell
nVidia
3com
Adobe
WorldCom
Baan ERP

In fact, when you actually understand the computer industry and the process involved with making an OS
[I've worked on the Win95/98/2k/XP product teams]

Microsoft Software looks pretty damn good.

I'm sure that statement will raise the hackles on a bunch of you
[octal, orangecone and budhaboy in particular]

but this is my rant so take your f00kin linux and shove it up your ass (sideways)

Microsoft has taken on the challenge of making computers (a highly complex device) usable to people who do not want to learn how to use them. This is far from easy and while I am happy to discuss what choices and mistakes Microsoft has made, the end reality is that despite all of those mistakes, they have succeeded in making computers accessible to hundreds of millions of people. Microsoft has to make a product that works with anything tom, dick or harry comes up with, and if someone makes a product and it doesnt automatically work?

Then it is Microsoft that gets blamed, not the company that made the shitty software/hardware to begin with.

While I could rant about a whole number of things which I feel people (because they do not know shit) attack Microsoft for.

My biggest pet peeve happens ever time Microsoft releases a new OS.

A billion freaking iTards© stand up and bitch about how their computer doesnt work with Microsofts new OS.

Let me tell you something people.

That isnt Microsoft's fault, in fact, Microsoft is not legally allowed to fix it if they wanted to.

Since almost none of you know jack shit about it
I figured I'd provide a little primer/explanation of how it works.

MS has to make their OS & Software work with hundreds of vendors who until recently (the advent of WHQL) did their own thing (there were maybe six vendors prior to the advent of WHQL who interacted significantly with Microsoft to ensure their products worked), even with WHQL in place the number of manufacturers who do not take advantage of the program is very large.

MS provides to companies who are interested the specifications necessary for their products to be compatible with Windows, far too often companies ignore or alter those specifications. Many times this can result in added features for the customer which is great until Microsoft puts out a patch or a fix that breaks it. Since Microsoft had no idea of the existence of that code, it is hardly fair to blame Microsoft for their patch breaking that code.

WHQL?? What the hell is WHQL? (pronounced Wickle like tickle)


WHQL stands for Windows Hardware Quality Labs and it is a Microsoft program where vendors (companies that make hardware products to use with Windows) receive a detailed specification, advanced access to Windows source code and then submit their drivers to Microsoft who tests them to make sure they work and wont break anything else.

Drivers?? What the hell is a driver?

Drivers (or more accurately "Device Drivers") are specialized pieces of software which act as the traffic cop/translator between an OS and a piece of hardware (like your printer or digital camera). If your hardware doesnt work, generally it is either a driver problem or a hardware failure (what we call it when shit breaks). Drivers are developed by the companies that make hardware (supposedly along specifications provided by Microsoft) and provided along with that hardware for use with your computer. Microsoft maintains a large library (on behalf of the hardware manufacturers) of the most common Device Drivers (the so called default drivers) and includes it with the Operating System.

Since the advent of WHQL, Hardware manufacturers can submit device drivers to Microsoft for certification as being compliant with the OS specs. Microsoft will then includes these drivers in tests of new patches/updates (to my knowledge there have only been 4 WHQL certified drivers broken by service packs or patches and two of them were known breaks announced with the release of the SP/patch, out of literally hundreds of WHQL certified drivers).

Again though, this only helps with vendors who participate in the program.

Microsoft is reliant upon the manufacturers of hardware to supply drivers to be tested with and included as default drivers. Additionally smaller vendors can take advantage of generic drivers written by Microsoft and design their hardware to comply with those drivers. This is the case for keyboards, mice, almost all internal hard drives and CD drives, flash drives, monitors, and every video card on the market supports the generic VGA drivers in addition to the vendor manufactured driver.

Have you followed me so far? Everything making sense?

Shut up and nod your head cause you dont want to know
the only other way I can think of to get this concept through to you.

Because here is what set me off.

Yesterday I read a scathing piece online about how evil Microsoft is
because Vista did not come with drivers for the 3com 3c509x series network cards.
These cards are arguably the most popular/common client network cards on the market (I own four of them).

Unfortunately, 3com made those card too damn well and
network technology hasnt increased quickly enough
so most people are still running 100bT networks at home.
[shaddup octal, orangecone,budhaboy, and nova_starr ]
Since those 3com cards are rock solid (I've had one fail out of the 20 or so I've purchased)
they keep on ticking longer than 3com would like (they want you to purchase new cards).

So 3com stopped supporting those cards declaring them "obsolete" and as such
did not submit a driver to MS for the 3c509x series cards.

While MS could recognize the popularity of those cards and desire to include it into Vista,
the driver code is the intellectual property of 3com
and so MS cannot legally distribute that code.
[even though the XP drivers work fine with Vista]

Same thing happened with my SCSI adapter.
Adaptec phased out my model of SCSI controller and declared it obsolete.
Even though the XP driver works just fine, MS cannot legally include it with Vista
[without the vendors permission which the vendor will not give]

Occasionally a vendor will respond to public outcry
and release a driver on their website well after the release of the OS
but it is Microsoft not the vendor who gets blamed for the hardware not working.

Both Adaptec and 3com list the release date for the Vista drivers as TBD - to be determined, industry speak for lets see how many people bitch even though the current drivers for XP work just fine under Vista. That means there is no actual work to be done by these companies in order to make the hardware work with Vista, they just have to do is say "Want a Vista driver? Ok, here you go".

You see manufacturers count on the release of a new MS operating system to spur new the sales of new hardware so they do not want all of your old hardware to work. Microsoft on the other hand would prefer your old hardware works because if people have to save money for new hardware that means that they are putting off buying the new shiny Microsoft OS and may well decide not to buy it altogether.

Unfortunately, Microsoft is not legally allowed to make drivers for the hardware of other companies
Nor is it legally allowed to distribute any drivers without the specific permission of those companies

Of course, Microsoft cant come out in the media
and bitchslap all the companies who are at fault for your shit not working
because they rely on them keep improving the PC hardware to have more oomph
Oomph that Microsoft can utilize to improve the features in their OS
so Microsoft takes it up the ass.

One quick caveat here.

If the technology has substantially changed since you bought your computer or if it is just plain old
get the fuck over it

Nothing lasts forever

Think of your computer as a car that you drive 100,000 miles a year
If it lasts three years, you are pretty damn lucky

and give me a break people, with computers starting at five hundred bucks
I so do not have any sympathy for people bitching about having to upgrade every three years

As a general rule,
no manufacturer will write more than two drivers for any piece of hardware
that means if you buy something that works with XP
they will probably release a Vista driver
but not one for the OS after Vista

Or to put it in backwards compatibility perspective
If you bought the hardware to run on 98, ME or W2K
They probably wrote a driver for XP
and probably will not write one for Vista

This is perfectly fair.

Now companies that have drivers from XP that still work on Vista
[3com & Adaptec to name two, I'm sure there are others]
but sulk around not telling anyone that it does
because they want you to buy new hardware

well

they fucking suck

and

personally I am extremely disappointed

Adaptec and 3com have been like rockstars in my eyes for years.

They were companies who made products that just fucking worked
Their drivers were always well written, efficient and didnt go breaking other shit
and their hardware damn near always lasted longer than I needed it for

In a world where most shit breaks the day after the warranty expires
and most drivers are klugey (look it up) pieces of crap
that is pretty damn special

Oh, and if one person makes some stupid ass claim like

"Well Apple can do it, why can't Microsoft?"

I swear to god, I will track you down and leave a steaming pile of shit on your pillow

[and just a warning for those of you who would accept buying a new pillow]
[as a ploy to get me to come visit, I wont be sticking around afterward for social hour]
[although if you are a hot female and are waiting naked for me when I arrive]
[I'll probably forget all about the pillow present cause I'm easily distracted like that]

Why?

It isnt because of an Apple/Microsoft rivalry

but rather because

Apple is famous for not providing backwards compatibility between their old hardware and their new OS. That is to say that even though they make both the hardware and the software, they intentionally design their major OS releases to require you to buy all new hardware.

odd

either I got smarter
or that test was a little suckie
normally I only get ~156

People have often wondered why I've always tended to keep my RL name close to my chest on here and other online ventures.

and thats quite simply because, my name is unique enough to be easily trackable.

If my name was John Smith (for example):



I really wouldnt give a damn

This has been going around
and I thought I'd post my results
just to shame all you christian type people
who have done oh so poorly

I mean, I'm jewish for christ sake
all that new testament stuff aint my religon



however
apparently the catholic church has gotten one thing right
[in approximately 2000 years]

I am, in fact, evil

You Are 78% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

oh and as if any of you even had to guess

Captain Redbeard 11 Classicness, -10 Technology, -1 Team, 4 Aggressiveness

Your results: Classic Low-tech Badguy Boss Found in: 6285 Black Seas Barracuda, 1989

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Classicness You scored higher than 99% on Team You scored higher than 99% on Technology You scored higher than 99% on Aggressiveness

Link: The Which Lego Minifig Are You? Test written by legomutineer on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

proving that I do know how to speak properly
even if I aint always gooder bout doin' it

Fear and uncertainty are the foundations of international agreement, while hope and confidence fuel war

[a comment to a user in motorcycles by foobiwan]

That people who are likely to do X are also likely to do Y does in no way imply that if you do X you will be more likely to do Y.

Fifty percent of the people who engage in unprotected sex for long periods will get pregnant. However, no matter how much unprotected sex I have, I will not get pregnant.

gotta say

it looks like Apple
done hit a home run
with the new iPhone