plural

so
buffy and others
have been posting about New Orleans
and the insanity that is going on there

and
it seems pretty bad
and it seems pretty embarrassing
but
it also seems that no one is looking on the bright side

...

Nola's gonna be the coolest ghost town in history
just thinking of the fun that could be had

...

I'm thinking apocalyptic paintball

four thousand people
four sides
battle for control of the city

turn out the lights
give each person a fifty rounds of ammo
when you "kill" someone
you take their ammo and send them back to your base
where a ref issues them one of your teams arm bands
another fifty rounds of ammo
and they join your side

create food and water depots
which provide mre's and canteens of water
to the side which controls them

last team standing wins

Why can't god / life / everything

just leave me in peace
pass me by
forget about me

life is so much easier when you don't have to hope

every time I reach acceptance

in comes the wrench

just when I've finally come to terms with my lot
with my life

accepted what I have
recognized what I'll never have
and been grateful for it

in comes the wrench

It isn't lacking which hurts me
the absence of people
the absence of things
the absence of love

but rather
the hope for more
the idea that maybe I can have
those things which to most seem so normal

I just want to be normal
to have a normal life
to have a wife and family

so badly
so terribly
but
I'm not normal
and a normal life
isn't mine to claim

and those things which raise that want
that hope
from its shallow grave
hurt me so tremendously

I'm a man not only capable of evil
but experienced at it
with much blood and suffering on my hands
I'm damaged goods
corrupt and dishonest
I sold my soul
for duty, honor, country
only to find that they are hollow constructs
without value

so what
I made my choice
I chose my path
I decided my actions
I can accept the consequences
just leave me be

stop persecuting me with hope
with redemption
with happiness

leave me alone
with my idleness and riches
my shallow vapid existence

stop infecting my heart
with dreams that are beyond me

just leave me be*










*unless of course you know someone who delivers bourbon in Portland cause that bottle I just bought is getting pretty empty pretty quickly

before I begin
I want to ask
if anyone reading this
can either recommend a good chiropractor in Portland, OR
or recommend someone who can recommend such

If so please either post a comment below
or send an email to plural@livejournal.com

anyway

on to the tale

so
as I mentioned ever so briefly previously

over the weekend
I bought a condo in Portland for Samantha and I to live in

We made the offer on Saturday
It was accepted on the spot
we wrapped up the paperwork on Sunday

We rushed home to seattle sunday night
spent all of monday packing up my stuff
and all of tuesday packing up her stuff
and all of tuesday night loading it into a uhaul

we got up at 4:30 this morning
drove down to Portland

We arrived in town around 10am
and had the truck unloaded
then went and picked up the furniture we had purchased on sunday
and unloaded it into the house
and
were having beers on the front porch
by 2:30pm

We still have massive amounts of stuff to do
but
all the furniture is roughly in where it should be
and
the bed is set up
so we can start selective unpacking boxes at our leisure

anyway
we relaxed on the front porch
enjoying the warm sunny day
almost as much as enjoying the simple act
of not sitting still

then we spent some time
calling utility companies
to switch over the accounts to my name
and
decided it was time for dinner
so
we cleaned up a teeny bit
and headed out


we drove down Belmont street
[which is where our condo is]
and
I made the mistake of stopping for a pedestrian in a crosswalk

while stopped there
a pleasant enough fellow from london
tried to park his 2007 Ford Escape
somewhere inside my trunk

needless to say the effect
wasn't as pleasant as I might have wished
on such a fine afternoon

silly plural
obey the law
and look what happens

well
see if I do that again
next time I see a pedestrian
that looks like it might be considering
crossing the street
I'm going to hop the curb
and take them out in a pre-emptive strike

I mean
it worked in Iraq didn't it
maybe Bush had it right after all

and way
he was most apologetic
and quite surprised at how relaxed and cordial I was about the whole affair

to which I responded
why make your day any worse by getting pissed off about something you can't change
sure it sucks
but all getting pissed is going to do
is ruin the rest of my day

so we exchanged information
chatted briefly and departed

Samantha and I continued on our way
had a most excellent dinner
and just now returned home
where we intend to take a nice soak
in our new ginormous claw foot bathtub
with some epson salts
to ease our sore muscles

speaking of the tub
I got in it today
just cause I was curious as to its capacity
and
a six foot man (me)
can lie stretched out flat in the bottom
with only ones head above the water

can I just say that rocks

I'm looking around the apartment
while typing this
amazed that we packed and moved both of our places
in two days
then moved it and unpacked/arranged it
in our new place on the third day

my entire body is sore
so much so that when the nice british fellow
asked if we were ok
I responded I had no idea
my whole body was so damn sore
I couldn't tell if there was any new pain yet

it was a heroic effort
by the two of us
to get it all done and in such a short timeframe
exhausting and painful
even sometimes aggravating
but I can't express how gratifying it is to me
to have a partner
who can keep working till the work is done
however long that takes

because sometimes shit just has to get done
and how tired/sore/etc you are
just doesn't matter

it is nice to see
that she can step up to the plate
and we can knock shit out together

so yeah

blah blah blah

I'm exceedingly happy right now
but blathering about how happy I am
[any more than I've already done anyway]
is boring me

lets just say
life is damn good
I'm quite excited to be starting this new chapter of our lives together
and
I'm gonna go soak in me tub
then get many hours of sleep

love love

your plural

On one hand

we have probably the greatest handheld video game ever made
which single handedly got me through the tedium of elementary school

on the other hand

sometimes you just have to kill every last motherfucker in the room

decisions
decisions

Off to run the last few errands
pick up Samantha
and
head down to portland
to meet her father
[yes I packed my kevlar vest]

I'll be back monday

have a good weekend

right now
they feel about the same

I'm in love
more than I thought was possible
more than I thought my shattered heart
and battered soul capable
and
quite frustrated with it

We talked the other day
but didn't say very much

she inquired if I was still planning to leave the country

I said that

I couldn't make any plans
while my house was on the market and I was in limbo

and

once it sold

I saw three possible options

either things weren't moving forward
in which case
I would leave alone

things were moving forward but needed more time
in which case I would stay in Seattle
for as long as it made sense to do so

the last option
is taking her with me

I feel like a coward
[in fact I am a coward]
sitting here writing this

knowing she can and probably will read this

and still
finding myself unable to say it to her face

but this place we are in

it is so very frustrating
seeing what I want
what I need from her

shining in her eyes
just to have her
lock it away inside and turn her head

today
we went and looked at a sailboat
[just a little one]
took it out on the water

and

denial
is a beautiful thing

so

this weekend we went to my folks house
in Winthrop, Washington

it is a quaint log cabin
sitting on five acres of riverfront

we arrived fairly late
after a delightful evening drive
through the north cascades

so we unloaded the car
and headed to bed

woke up in the morning
spent a few hours
wandering around the town
and checking out the old mining museum

then we had lunch
at the Duck Brand Saloon
and
cooled off by sticking our feet into the irrigation stream
which runs underneath their deck

afterwards we did a winery tour
and bought some wine
then a brief hike up to a waterfall
and
back to the Duck Brand
for dessert as we hadn't had room prior
and
they have a mud pie that is to die for

it was, as I have known and expected for about 25 years now
most delicious

afterwards we went up to blackpine lake
with the idea of going for a swim
but we dawdled on the way
played a game of moo cow
and
so
by the time we'd gotten up there
it was getting late
so
we sat at the end of the dock
put our feet in the water
popped a bottle of wine
and
drank it

if any of you
have spent a few hours
on a sunny summer afternoon
in any fashion similar to this
I do not have to decribe its effect
if you have not
ever spent your time so
well
you'll just have to do so
as until you make such time
you can't understand it

we then headed out
we took the scenic route
up to Sun Mountain Lodge
where we had an absolutely stunning meal

we had thought of
going out after dinner
but
were so sated by the meal
that we
decided to go to bed instead

yesterday was
mini-golf in the morning
followed by a leisurely drive through the north cascades
and stopping whereever along the way

at one such stop
we were at diablo lake
each drinking a nice cold hefe
I laid back my head
upon her lap
and stared up at the sky

I can't recall feeling so at peace
as I did in that moment

we mosied on
swung by the skagit river dams
as to see where our power in seattle is generated
stopped in at Cascadian Farms
for some of their famous home-made ice cream
[and sandwiches but those were just incidental]

took some ginormous raspberries
to eat on the way home

once home
we got some sushi
did some car unloading
snuggled up and went to sleep

twas quite the weekend
and
now
I'd better git
cause I got quite a few things
to finish in the second half of my day

regards,

P

the subject line says it all really
but
I'll elaborate

I picked up Samantha
from a coffee shop on Capitol Hill
where she was meeting with some of her friends
on Friday afternoon
after a productive trip to one of my favorite bookstores

we swung by her house
relaxed for a bit
before getting all gussied up
to go to my usual other place

I slipped on my tux and
she was in this slinky black dress
with shiny things on it
[*grin*]

my oh my

it was truly scrumptious

and off we went

we played a little blackjack
while nursing my favorite mixed drink
[bourbon and ice]
[yup she drinks bourbon too]
[is it any wonder I adore her?]

then played some poker

at about 5am
she mentioned she was feeling a wee bit drunk
which was strange to her
as she had only had three drinks

I gently reminded her
that the bourbons we were drinking
were doubles
[I couldn't get the miserable bastards at the bar]
[aka some dear friends]
[to serve me a single bourbon if I tried]

anyway
we went home
snuggled and stuff
and went to bed

we got up at eleven
went down to nordstroms
where she had a MAC make-up appointment
apparently it was one of those deals
where you pay for the appointment
and get the cost credited back to you in merchandise
anyway
it was actually my sisters appointment
but my sister couldn't go so she asked Samantha if she wanted to

it was kind of like
walking into the secret lair
of a bizarre cult
but quite interesting to watch the process
from a technical point of view

afterwards we had lunch
on a nice balcony
and went to gasworks park
where we relaxed in the sun
on the lush green grass

each of us reading
our own books
and laying / leaning / nestling against the other

in the late afternoon it started getting windy
and a bit chilly
so we moved to a cafe
had a light snack
a couple of drinks
and continued our reading

I have to say
reading together is one of my favorite quality time activities
whether it is snuggled up on a couch
laying in the grass
or wherever

I love to read
and I love that she loves to read
and I like the little interruptions
of sharing small passages which interest us
during the process

it was a most satisfying afternoon

in the evening
we relaxed at her place
took a brief cuddle/massage/nap break
and talked quite a bit

I shared some things with her
which I've never shared with anyone I've dated
hell I've never shared them with anyone
either a person had first hand knowledge
or they aren't going to find out about it

some of these things
where things I was ashamed of
other where things I understood but still have trouble looking back on them

it was quite frankly
a moment of wide open vulnerability

I've never shared these things
because I've always been afraid of how they would look at me afterwards
but I also realized
that in so many of my relationships
I've kept those secrets hidden because I was sure
that they couldn't love me if they knew
with Sam
I don't want her to love me, if she doesn't know

I care for her more than I imagined I could care for anyone anymore
to be completely honest
and the thought of continuing to feel that doubt
was unbearable

she took it well I think

we hugged and kissed

then went over to my house
as we were planning to sleep there
we decided to watch an episode of boston legal
[one of the few shows I download and something we are both hooked on]
then off to bed

we got up this morning
I was expecting to help my mother
with moving some stuff
but
well
that plan got a bit messed up

so we dallied for a bit
and went on with the rest of our day

we went to the gay pride parade
sat on the curb near the end of the route
and watched it go by

it was quite fun and most amusing

after that we got some lunch
walked around looking at the booths
and people watching

I bought her some cotton candy
and we went down by the fountain
to watch people frolicking in it

were roped into a conversation
about how much it was fair
for a guy to pay his boyfriend
to run down to the fountain
touch it
and run back
sans clothing

we agreed that given the short duration
two hundred and fifty was quite generous
but the boyfriend was holding out for five hundred

anyway
after that we strolled along
and decided to go on some rides
at the seattle center

we did the log run
a ride called music express
and the roller coaster

walked a bit more

played nine holes of mini-golf

and went back to her house
as I had to run soon
to go help mother do the aforementioned moving

it was a relaxing and fun day

after I did the moving
I met up with my friends Nathaniel and Eric
for a boy's night out
which was pretty mellow
but also quite enjoyable

I may be in limbo
I may not have a clue what my long term plans are
but
I'm taking it day by day
and
I'm really enjoying myself doing so

so answer can come later
I'm just going to count my blessings
enjoy the company of a beautiful and amazing woman
and spend time with my friends

it is a rough life but somebody has to live it

yeah

so

I lied

and

I'm not remotely sorry about it

of course

I didn't really know it was a lie
at the time
but
I suspected it might be

in other words
I broke yet another of my famous rules
and yes
it was for her

or

more accurately

for us

we talked yesterday
and have decided
to give us another try

my heart is still a bit wary
but that goes with the territory
I am keeping my hopes on a shorter leash
for the time being
taking things day by day

but today
and last night
were really quite wonderful

I missed her quite terribly

and
there is
something powerful about a kiss
an embrace
which you longed for
but believed was in the past
only a memory

it was delicious
in every sense of the word

before I went over there
we talked briefly on the phone
I wasnt feeling well yesterday evening
was planning to go to bed early

but I sensed something was off
heard something in her voice
that told me everything was not alright

so I put my queasy belly aside
and headed over
it is an eternal weakness of mine
that I cannot ignore the pain
of people I care about
even if it may hurt me to care

it turns out
that not only did I lie
but I was flat wrong also

it could change something
it did change something

apparently she read that post
and decided that
she had been hearing me
just not listening

things had all happened so fast
she had gotten scared and moved to protect herself

which is understandable
as
when I want something
I'm rather like a bull
charging headlong at it

I can understand how that would be intimidating

so
yeah
now I do not know
what I am doing
once again

but
I'm willing to take the chance
see where life leads me

after all
at the end of the day

the juice is still worth the squeeze