tshirt spotted

I am
a bomb disposal technician

if you see me running

try to keep up

ah the memories

Remember
that old childrens game

"Simons Says"

well
someone created
a nifty net version
of it

Click Here

His name was Fleming

and he was
a poor Scottish farmer.

One day,
while trying to make
a living for his family,
he heard a cry for help
coming from a nearby bog.

He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.
There, mired to his waist in black muck,
was a terrified boy,
screaming and struggling to free himself.

Farmer Fleming saved the lad
from what could have been
a slow and terrifying death.

The next day,
a fancy carriage pulled up
to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings.

An elegantly dressed nobleman
stepped out and introduced himself
as the father of the boy
Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you,"
said the nobleman.
"You saved my son's life."
"No, I can't accept payment for what I did,"

the Scottish farmer replied,
waving off the offer.

At that moment,
the farmer's own son
came to the door
of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?"
the nobleman asked.
"Yes,"
the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal.
Let me take him and
give him a good education.
If the lad is anything like his father,
he'll grow to a man you can be proud of."

And that he did.
In time, Farmer Fleming's son
graduated from St.Mary's Hospital Medical School in London,
and went on to become known throughout the world
as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming,
the discoverer of penicillin.

Years afterward,
the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved him?
Penicillin.
The name of the nobleman?
Lord Randolph Churchill.
His son's name?
Sir Winston Churchill.

The question you have to ask is what if the farmer would have taken money instead?

But What Then?

An American businessman
was at the pier
of a small coastal Mexican village
when a small boat
with just one fisherman docked.

Inside the small boat
were several large yellowfin tuna.

The American complimented the Mexican
on the quality of his fish and
asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied,
"Only a little while, senor."
The American then asked,
"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said he had enough
to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked,
"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said,
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children,
take siesta with my wife, Maria,
stroll into the village each evening
where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos.
I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed,
"I am a Harvard MBA and could help you.
You should spend more time fishing
and with the proceeds,
buy a bigger boat,
with the proceeds from the bigger boat
you could buy several boats,
eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.

Instead of selling your catch to a middleman
you would sell directly to the processor,
eventually opening your own cannery.

You would control the product,
processing and distribution.
You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village
and move to Mexico City,
then LA and eventually NYC
where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked,
"But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied,
"Fifteen to twenty years."

"But what then, senor?"

The American laughed and said,
"That's the best part.
When the time is right
you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock
to the public and become very rich,
you would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said,

"Then you would retire.
Move to a small coastal fishing village
where you would sleep late,
fish a little, play with your kids,
take siesta with your wife,
stroll to the village in the evenings
where you could sip wine and
play your guitar with your amigos."

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

Harry answers the telephone,
and it's an Emergency Room doctor.

The doctor says,
"Your wife was in a serious car accident,
and I have
bad news
and good news.

The bad news is
she has lost all use of both arms
and both legs, and will need help eating
and going to the bathroom
for the rest of her life."

Harry says,
"My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says,

"I'm kidding. She's dead."

NOT WELCOME

a young newlywed couple
wanted to join a church.

The pastor said,
"We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couple agreed
and came back
at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked,
"Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"
"No Pastor,
we were not able to go
without sex for the two weeks,"

the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?"
inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching
for a can of paint
on the top shelf
and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up,
I was overcome with lust
and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course,
this means you will not be welcome in our church,"
stated the pastor.

"We know,"
said the young man,

"We're not welcome at Home Depot anymore, either."

(no subject)

I’ve heard
people are more violently opposed
to fur than leather
because it's safer
to harass rich women
than motorcycle gangs