God damn #@%#$^^&#^#&%&##@#$

[plural]

Oh
The evil of jars
in this case the specific evil
of a specific jar
of Spanish olives

I love olives
I eat them by the jar
so I bought
a 2lb jar of them
figuring
it would last me a while

I thought
hmm some olives would be great
to munch on
while I do whatever

The jar is the spawn of Satan
I bought this fancy triangle shaped
device which is designed
to easily open any jar

not this one apparently
It broke and I have
a full jar of olives
which I cant get opened
and an unquenched hankering
for olives

Can someone
email me
a chicken
or other suitable animal
I need to sacrifice something
to the gods
and my cats
keep running away

Comments

"Can someone email me a chicken"

[mistake.livejournal.com]

How about Larry the Lovebird? Most people do not think lovebirds are noisy, but I beg to differ. Perhaps because he is loveless, but he never shuts the hell up.

Re:

[plural.livejournal.com]

Hmm
never sacrificed a lovebird
does it work as well as a chicken?

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

dood, try banging the lid on a counter.

If that doesn't work try a gym, sissy-boy.

Re:

[plural.livejournal.com]

Biotch
this isnt just any olive jar
it has a 6 in diameter
which makes it rather hard
to get ones fingers
in a grip around it
and
as for tapping it
on the counter
it is bigger than your head
I would be wary
as not to chip/crack
my tile
worry
not
I shall prevail
and right soon

Re:

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

so take the monster out to the garage and pound it on the floor.

[plural.livejournal.com]

Doh!

Re:

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

Doh indeed.

If you still can't get it open...

work "outside the box":

get a small hammer, a screw driver, a pair of pliers and several small bell jars.

Bust a couple of holes in the lid with the hammer and screwdriver, then use the plier to rip a larger hole.

Then pull the olives out, and put them in the ball jars...

Sucess!

[plural.livejournal.com]

I used the rapping tapping
tapping on my garage floor
technique and it worked
*slurp chomp*
yummy olives

Re: Sucess!

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

bully for you.

me?

I can't stand olives.

Live it up dude.

Hahahaa More for ME ME ME ME

[plural.livejournal.com]

seriously
you dont like olives?

you need some serious help

olives and booze
are proof
that god loves us
and wants us to be happy

Re: Hahahaa More for ME ME ME ME

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

nope I can't stand them.