Things I want ... or ... what the hell was that last post about anyway...

[plural]

To me
My recent post was an internally clarifying event.

To a large degree, much of it was already known to me
but perhaps
it served to weave together different aspects
create a more unified theme.

I have long lived a life
forsaking the calm cool valleys
for the high peak and low chasms

I suppose when you've been where I've been
the lowest darkest chasm
doesn't seem so bad
and
if it is the risk
you must take
for a few minutes upon the highest peak

well
then it is so very worth it.


I see human society and its god
as a moderating force

preaching safety at the expense of greatness
ownership at the expense of exploration
contentment at the expense of inspiration

I do not want to get married to a woman who will love me for the rest of my life
I do not want to simply check that box and put away the list

rather I want to get marry a woman
who will expect me to make her fall madly in love with me
every single day for the rest of my life
and be committed to making me fall in love with her
every single day for the rest of her life

I want the challenge of waking up every morning
and thinking "How will I make her fall in love with me today?"

I want to be the man who succeeds at this task.

To me it seems there are two paths

that of a collector of life
and that of a rider of life

in the former, you collect symbols and trinkets
things to create emotional attachments to
things to store memories in
you possess life

in the latter you collect merely memories
chase dreams
ride the wave

forget the mousetrap
lets build a better mouse

The last post wasn't a question of good or evil
but rather the path and the methodology of doing either.

You can live the stagnant life and be evil
You can live the creative life and be good

The choice to do one or the other is entirely separate.

Sure, each has its temptations and pitfalls.

How easy it is to sit back on your safe porch and judge others,
laugh at their failures and call them ridiculous,
all while never even making the attempt yourself

Is that good? Is that evil? Something in between?

I suppose one can decide
to own things or to do things

sure there is always some overlap
but I would much rather
spend my life held rapt by the glories and challenges of life
than
be surrounded by pretty things
than live in a comfortable prison

I am reminded of a childhood game
where you grab a friend by the wrists
put your feet close together
lean back and spin around
as fast as you can

the blood rushes to your head
you feel lightheaded and giddy
then your hand slips
and without the counterbalance
you both fall
scraping knees and bruising elbows

but so what?

I want to love like that
and
I want to get up again and again
scraped elbows and bruised knees
and trust my hands to her once more

knowing full well that she will fail me
knowing full well that I will fail her
knowing that pain is a definite result
knowing that the pain will be ever so worth it

and

having loved like that once
I cannot imagine any other way
I cannot accept any other way

except
to believe
with my whole heart

that the juice is worth the squeeze.

Comments

[plural.livejournal.com]

It may not be obvious to the casual observer but for all we enjoy yammering back and forth on most any subject, I've always known that we tend towards running very similar and in many ways parallel tracks.

I think you've hit it pretty much spot on, I've pretty much learned that achieving something material/tangible is easy, often inconvenient and rarely as satisfying as it appears.

To me an experience, particularly a shared experience, is a tangible thing, if only to my mind. It is something that feeds my soul, reminds me why I woke up this morning.

Not just this morning, rather it is sustaining, as even now, I can't help but smile even now remembering that night. Not to mention, it isn't often that someone quite literally drinks me under the table.

If we all end up at the same place(dead)/then the process of how we live must be what defines value. If it is the process which defines value/then how and with who we experience life is what truly matters.

Obviously there are pesky little concerns with things like basic needs but beyond that, it is as the prophet said:

do be do be do...

As I said here years ago

my highest calling is

to be a decent human
a good friend,
an excellent husband and father
and an exquisite host

do be do be do...

[budhaboy.livejournal.com]

Not to mention, it isn't often that someone quite literally drinks me under the table.

To be fair:

1) I did switch to beer early on.
2) I got a second wind when that dude across the street (ray) got home at four AM.
3) You missed the excersion into the swamp.
4) I was hung over for literally three days... So much so, I think I actually stopped drinking for about a year.

[plural.livejournal.com]

Fair 'nough

What a shame that was, but I think I'd put enough of a dent in that 1.75 liter of knob to make such a walkabout not all that good of an idea

and

Yeah, H was quite surprised to see me alive let alone cheerful the next morning.