plural

right now
they feel about the same

I'm in love
more than I thought was possible
more than I thought my shattered heart
and battered soul capable
and
quite frustrated with it

We talked the other day
but didn't say very much

she inquired if I was still planning to leave the country

I said that

I couldn't make any plans
while my house was on the market and I was in limbo

and

once it sold

I saw three possible options

either things weren't moving forward
in which case
I would leave alone

things were moving forward but needed more time
in which case I would stay in Seattle
for as long as it made sense to do so

the last option
is taking her with me

I feel like a coward
[in fact I am a coward]
sitting here writing this

knowing she can and probably will read this

and still
finding myself unable to say it to her face

but this place we are in

it is so very frustrating
seeing what I want
what I need from her

shining in her eyes
just to have her
lock it away inside and turn her head

today
we went and looked at a sailboat
[just a little one]
took it out on the water

and

denial
is a beautiful thing