In my secret life

[plural]

I saw you this morning
you were moving so fast
cant seem to loosen my grip on the past

I miss you so much
there is no one in sight
and we're still making love

in my secret life

----
Leonard Cohen - In my secret life
----

I see her
from time to time
just out of the reach of my arms
through heavy eyelids burdened with sleep
she appears
standing there
watching me the way she always did

that soft bemused smile
a knowing smile
which only a woman can master
and even then
only when
she knows the man she loves
better than he knows himself

my mind still foggy with sleep
I reach for her
forgetting those four hours
and the ten years since
but I am unable to close that short distance

I struggle but that only serves
to yank me from the last vestiges of sleep
and from that netherworld
halfway between waking and slumber
in whose brief moments
we can be together


its not a trick
you senses are decieving
a fitful dream
the morning will exhaust

say goodbye to Alexdranda leaving
then say goodbye to Alexandra lost

even though she sleep upon your satin
even though she wakes you with a kiss
do not say the moment was imagined
do not stoop to strategies like this

as someone long prepared for this to happen
go firmly to the window
drink it in

exquisite music
Alexandra laughing

you first commitments
tangible again

and you who had
the honor of her evening

and by that honor
had your own restored

say goodbye to Alexandra leaving
Alexandra leaving with her lord

----
Leonard Cohen - Alexandra Leaving
----

I find it hard
to describe what we had
to describe what she was
and what I was with her

She was not my first love
nor my last

I loved girls before her
and women after

some of them very deeply
but only she ever penetrated me

not by my choice
nor with my consent

but nonetheless she was there
with that knowing smile
waiting for me to recognize what she knew all along

it was she who crowned me king
anointed me with her adoration
and with a kiss upon my forehead
she forgave my trespasses

she was my redeemer
my queen and consort

in truth,
what little of it I can bear to possess
it is not how much I love her
nor how deeply I love her
that is the least bit remarkable

but how she loved me

Comments

[witsbeginning.livejournal.com]

all of your recent posts always have made me stop & think. i'm sure most people have a certain perception of you that you have carefully made sure of...but this recent vulnerability has definitely pushed you out of your out of reach league. you seem more human somehow, not so untouchable. i admire you for admitting. just wanted you to know that your words have been taken to heart & in some way made me stop & think.