plural

ok so before I give yall the results
lemme just say
that two of you need to return to kindergarten
and learn how to count to three again

and

If you haven't taken the poll you can click here and take it before viewing the results if you wish.

The percentage of people who selected each answer is in italics after the answer

I've had sex with an inappropriately shaved llama (91.7%)
False - I only sleep with appropriately shaved llamas. What do you think I am, some kind of pervert?

I was born in a barn loft (16.7%)
True - I was in fact born in a barn loft, on a lesbian commune named "Dragon Wagon Farm" near Ava, Missouri, and no, I never close doors behind me either.

I despise marmots (13.9%)
False - However as someone pointed out to me, I have in the past claimed to despise Groundhogs, Gophers and all of their relatives, and marmots would indeed fall into that category. So I will give a half point to those who selected this option cause it was my bad.

I am completely inept with a jump rope (13.9%)
True - To my everloving shame, I have never managed the use of a jump rope without finding myself tied up in a ball or nearly strangled.

I once lit my cock on fire for an art project (50.0%)
True - This was a popular one for yall, and an amusing tale indeed. A friend of mine, and without question the most brilliant artist I have ever had the privilege to call friend, approached me with a proposition for a photo shoot he wanted to do.

The intended shot was of me, standing naked, in a conquering pose. He worked the lighting so that the middle of me was illuminated while my face was obscured by shadow. In the foreground, a naked woman with amazingly crafted wings (like an angel would have, he apparently spent several hours making them and doing her make up so they looked nearly natural) was kneeling before me, worshipping my flaming erection.

While I had to admit the shoot sounded fascinating, I was balking at the idea of mixing fire and my penis, however he assured me it would be entirely safe, and we even got a mutual friend who was practiced in self-immolation (not to mention one of the head guys for fire safety at burning man for a couple of years) to come in and make sure I wasn't going to end up with crispy jewels. We ran a couple of test runs on my arms and legs, which consisted of applying some clear gel, as a fire retardant, with a layer of an alcohol based gel over that which was then set on fire. After about thirty seconds it would start getting hot, but other than a slight redness didn't cause any damage, so I agreed to give it a go on the holy of holies. It freaked me out the first time, and my erection went instantly limp at the sight of the flames as I sort of wigged, but once I was put out and ensured there was no damage, I was ready to try the shoot. Of course, in the shoot it wasn't all that difficult to keep it up, what with a naked lovely kneeling in front of me. Actually it was quite a rush, there was a feeling of potency and immortality that came from looking into a womans eyes as she worshipped my flaming cock.

The actual shoot took about an hour, once we were set up, as we would light me up, shoot a few frames, douse me out, clean up and reapply before repeating the process. Unfortunately the fire didn't come out in the photos, and the project was scrapped. I inquired much later about getting a copy of the photos from the shoot or borrowing the negatives to scan and he said they were in a box somewhere and would look for them, but I forgot to follow up about it. Of course now that I have thought about this again (for the first time in a few years) I'll have to give him a call and see if he can find them, cause with photoshop and whatnot now, I bet the flame could easily be recreated and that would be pretty neat.

Of course, that wouldn't much help yall cause even though I might be willing to show a print to some of you, I sure as hell would never post a copy to the internet, where distribution would be out of my immediate control.

I killed a man when I was seventeen (44.4%)
True - Although I wish it was not. It was Halloween night of my junior year, (October 31, 1992.) and something I am not sure I will ever get over, let alone forget.

I have my left nipple pierced (13.9%)
True - I got it pierced ten years ago when I was 19.

I once got into a physical fight with Kurt Cobain (55.6%)
True - Although like the marmot, I got called out on this one. We'll call it poor phrasing. As I suppose it would have been better termed "a confrontation". So as before, I will be awarding half points for those of you who selected this answer.

When I was in high school, a friend of mine lived next door to him in west Seattle. One afternoon I had a confrontation with Cobain while cutting across the corner of his front yard while heading to my friends backyard. A prank with a can of paint and one of those big ass water balloon catapults later and he was screaming obscenities at me/us. So I went over to ~~taunt~~ talk to him, and things escalated so he took a swing at me.

I studied ballet as a child
True - although none of you got suckered by that one

I received a blow job from a french girl in the Vatican(11.1%)
False - But not for lack of trying, unfortunately the female most available for such things at the time was a french-Canadian catholic girl, and while she was a most willing and adventurous companion in many ways, that struck her as going too far over the line.

Scoring:

The winner is

kikamer with 2.5 points.

As promised you may sleep with

moderndayknight's fiancee whenever it is convenient for you to do so, I suggest you contact him directly to make arrangements. [and whatever he might say, it is entirely your choice whether you let him join in]

Second place is a tie at 2 points each:

damion &

spikenheimer

Third place is a whole bunch of you all sharing 1.5 points:
[listed alphabetically]

_sacchi,

darwinpolice,

folterte,

geektress,

girl_on_a_stick,

ignote,

jennrh ,

jmichiko,

lima_pcp,

maryshelley,