Don't Drop the Soap (for anyone else but me)

[plural]

so in going through my daily dose of emails I opened a message from a friend
or what I thought was a message from a friend

but no
it was spam for some dating site
in it was an excerpt from some chicks ad, in which she says

"I am looking for someone who will love me for me"

which is such a common and bland line but struck me oddly today

I mean, honestly, who wants to be loved just for what we are?

not I

now whatever failings I may have when I look at myself and however they may bother me
it is mostly a matter of striving to continually improve myself
and I have little patience with myself in that process

but when I add perspective and look at the teeming masses of humanity
I cant help but feel pretty damn about myself

there isn't a day that goes by where I do not,
at some point pause and think
how great it is to be me and not some other poor schmuck

that said

To me, and I realize I am probably reading too much into a casual and trite remark
to be loved for what we are, seems defeatist

a sad plea

"this is the best I am going to get, wont you please love me"

the problem with that in my mind is this

it seems equates a value and to be worth to being loved
as if a person can earn love

love is like trust in that
it can be broken, shattered, betrayed, upheld, cherished and embraced
but it can not be earned

only given

I do not care how trustworthy you may act
if I get a wrong vibe, even contrary to all evidence
I will not trust you

Either I get the right vibe and decide to risk it
to open up myself to them and
give them a chance to prove me right or wrong

for me love is the same

the decision to open up
when it comes down to it
is based on nothing more than gut feeling

what others may call a spark

it is only once that decision is made
that all those other verbs and adjectives come into play

you cannot betray or cherish
that what you do not possess

perhaps I aim too high but I do not want someone to love me just for what I am now, at this moment
because in five or ten years, I will not be that person

sure there will be commonalities and while I doubt my core beliefs will change tremendously
I do hope to keep growing as person and with growth comes change
which means I expect to be in many ways a different person
thirty years from now.

I want someone to love me for what I can be both in those best and worst moments
but someone who isn't content with what I am now

that doesn't mean I want someone to change me
rather someone who will insist on and assist me in my future growth

someone who says "you are fabulous and I love you but keep working on it and then maybe, you'll be worth it"

I could never love someone for just what they are right now
to be honest, thirty years of the same personality and interests, that same bullshit and those same issues would bore me to tears
but
it is our human potential for growth and change which allows us to remain interesting, both to ourselves and our partners

I have never tried to change a woman to meet my needs
I insist that they, like any friend of mine, continue to grow and improve themselves
but the direction and path is up to them,
I just want to be along for the ride

to watch a beautiful and amazing woman

become infinitely more so

Comments

[ignote.livejournal.com]

I always love people for the possibilities I see in them, and for what they could be.

Sometimes this bites me in the ass though, because I start expecting them to live to their fullest potential and then am disapointed when they don't.

[plural.livejournal.com]

nodnod
I see that often

the trick is not in expecting them to live to their fullest potential

rather to expect them to strive for towards it

[keyl.livejournal.com]

that doesn't mean I want someone to change me
rather someone who will insist on and assist me in my future growth

someone who says "you are fabulous and I love you but keep working on it and then maybe, you'll be worth it"


I see it sort of this way, but more "you are fabulous, and I love you, but you can do better. push yourself, you'll see. you're worth that effort."

Otherwise it seems to me to be more striving for the other person's approval than anything else. That's never a healthy situation to be in.

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk

[plural.livejournal.com]

nodnod

yeah it isnt an approval thing
more a support/encourage

the phrasing comes from a long running
tongue in cheek joke
about the misery women must endure

just to love me

*wicked grin*

[ignote.livejournal.com]

Good song, great artist. :)

[plural.livejournal.com]

mmm

yeah I saw him open on Tori's last tour
never had heard of him before that
but I enjoyed him greatly

[azul.livejournal.com]

such an enigma you are...

[plural.livejournal.com]

mmm how so?

[zaiah.livejournal.com]

ignote hit it right on the head for me. I fall in love, not just with what the person is, or has achieved, but the Becoming they Are. I usually see a person at different levels.. including the potential future that branches out in from of them.

It has taken quite a few bruises to teach me that though I see a thing.. and want to be a part of the possibility of the person they will become.. I cannot (usually) be personally involved and must, rather, live in a state of fondness and support from a great distance. Perhaps where they are not even aware of the affection I have held for them.

That said - there are very few individuals who hold my respect. The loyalty I would offer someone so easily must be with held, and so I also must withhold my trust, waiting for someone to Become and be worthy of the respect I wish to offer them.

I have, in this, created a deep well of aloneness that I am striving to use to prompt my own growth (that I can, in my growth endure aloneness without loneliness). In the realization that there is something, at some time, I must be prepared for. And I will prepare myself for that in life.

Robert Heinlein had a small Boy Scout novel of 'Have Space Suit, Will Travel..' of a boy who dreamed of being in space when such things were highly improbable and in his interest procured, repaired, and stocked both himself and a aged space suit as though he were going anyway.. and when the Alien space shuttle landed in his Midwest backyard he was prepared to become the unlikely hero the world needed. The story, while corny, illustrates what it is I am hinting around in the dark for..

To strive, to seek, and never to yield.. To be ready.