Marriage and Last Names
Mar. 24th, 2004 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pluralCall me an old fashioned insensitive prick
but the matter came up in a round about way in a friends journal and rather than hijack their journal for my own ends I thought I would write about it here
I do not understand the issue that some women make with keeping their maiden names once they are married. Quite frankly I find it distasteful, not that I would look down on someone that does, but for my own part, I find it an artificial distinction.
It is perhaps one thing to keep ones maiden name for professional reasons, however, I rather view her taking my name as part of the bargain when we get married [speaking entirely hypothetical of course]. I understand, at least in theory, the feminist argument, but it doesn't quite sell me. I rather think it is a poor choice in the realm of choosing your battles.
Does keeping her last name somehow make her more respected, liberated or treated better? not really
So what is the benefit?
In my family, historically women have kept their maiden names as a middle name, and to a certain extent their maiden names have been passed down to other women in the family, for example, my younger sisters middle name is my grandmothers maiden name. Maiden names have also taken a prominent place in the naming of family properties, many of the family properties are named either including or referencing the maiden names of wives or mothers.
It is strange to me writing this, as in a way, I am at odds with myself, I feel as if I must disguise some fairly strong feelings on the point, in order to feel more politically correct, and this bothers me. I want to say that I would not consider marrying a woman unless she was willing to take my last name, but it seems a little harsh to me, not to mention, I would like to avoid being made a liar in the future, as whatever I feel now may not seem so important should I be faced with a woman I want to marry who finds it important to keep her name.
I desire for a wife, an empowered woman, and an equal partner, and to a certain extent, being so blunt here makes me feel uncomfortable in that I feel like it might give a contrary impression, but when it comes down to it, I do feel rather strongly about it, so I am stuck between feeling like I may be misconstrued as something I am not or being dishonest with my journal and my readers, by minimizing or trivializing how I feel.
In my past serious relationships, there has never been a question about it, in most cases the women were not particularly attached to their last names, or were from old fashioned families where such was simply the expectation from a very young age.
I realize there will be many of you who disagree with my stance and what I have written, and I would love to hear your perspective, why it is important to you, what you think it accomplishes, and any other thoughts you have on the matter.
but the matter came up in a round about way in a friends journal and rather than hijack their journal for my own ends I thought I would write about it here
I do not understand the issue that some women make with keeping their maiden names once they are married. Quite frankly I find it distasteful, not that I would look down on someone that does, but for my own part, I find it an artificial distinction.
It is perhaps one thing to keep ones maiden name for professional reasons, however, I rather view her taking my name as part of the bargain when we get married [speaking entirely hypothetical of course]. I understand, at least in theory, the feminist argument, but it doesn't quite sell me. I rather think it is a poor choice in the realm of choosing your battles.
Does keeping her last name somehow make her more respected, liberated or treated better? not really
So what is the benefit?
In my family, historically women have kept their maiden names as a middle name, and to a certain extent their maiden names have been passed down to other women in the family, for example, my younger sisters middle name is my grandmothers maiden name. Maiden names have also taken a prominent place in the naming of family properties, many of the family properties are named either including or referencing the maiden names of wives or mothers.
It is strange to me writing this, as in a way, I am at odds with myself, I feel as if I must disguise some fairly strong feelings on the point, in order to feel more politically correct, and this bothers me. I want to say that I would not consider marrying a woman unless she was willing to take my last name, but it seems a little harsh to me, not to mention, I would like to avoid being made a liar in the future, as whatever I feel now may not seem so important should I be faced with a woman I want to marry who finds it important to keep her name.
I desire for a wife, an empowered woman, and an equal partner, and to a certain extent, being so blunt here makes me feel uncomfortable in that I feel like it might give a contrary impression, but when it comes down to it, I do feel rather strongly about it, so I am stuck between feeling like I may be misconstrued as something I am not or being dishonest with my journal and my readers, by minimizing or trivializing how I feel.
In my past serious relationships, there has never been a question about it, in most cases the women were not particularly attached to their last names, or were from old fashioned families where such was simply the expectation from a very young age.
I realize there will be many of you who disagree with my stance and what I have written, and I would love to hear your perspective, why it is important to you, what you think it accomplishes, and any other thoughts you have on the matter.
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old fashioned = rebellion
Date: 2004-03-24 05:30 pm (UTC)in all currently established works and new releases for those works, i'll keep the name already in use (emily foster)
in future projects, i'll be listed as emily jackson.
my email for all correspondance with the company will stay efoster.
and for all other purposes, including my paying day job, i'll have my name changed to emily jackson.
i didn't want to lose the reputation that i'd earned with my maiden name, but i also wanted to show him that i respected the tradition of taking his name. the issue itself was a non-issue until i realized that it would be hard to transition to a new name with my name in print and known in smallish circles. i'd already planned on taking his name, just because its expected.
so little in marriage is held to be true these days. most people go so far as to use marriage as a trial ground for the relationship. which i firmly disagree with, and until i'd met
but, now i think that the act of marriage is more important than my rebellion. that showing my partner that i'm 100% committed to them is worth putting up with society's changed perspective of marriage. its with that viewpoint that i'm consenting to a more elaborate wedding than what i would've picked for myself, the engagement ring with more gems than i needed, and taking his name when its not really necessary.
i guess i'm thinking if i'm going to do it, i might as well do it right, you know?