On Questions
Oct. 7th, 2002 02:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pluralI am rather private person
if you ask what I have in a bag, I will say stuff
not because I have anything to hide but because it is not worth my time
to go into more detail and besides why are you asking anyway
I tend to hold my intimate past and my intimate thoughts very closely
I have never reacted well to people prying
and my least favourite question in the world is
"How was your day?"
and
"Are you ok?" is a close second
Why is it everyone always ask you if you are ok immediately after some sort of physical calamity
you get hit by a bus and ten people will run over and ask you if you are ok
"no, I just got hit by a fucking bus, I am not ok"
and then they look at you like you are the asshole
Of course you also get the "Are you ok" question when you are in a bad mood
in which case the real question is "will you tell me what is bothering you"
the answer to that will almost always be "no"
If I am bothered by something and I feel you should know about it
I will tell you, it is just that simple
the other possibility, is that something is bothering me
but I havent figured it out yet
that doesnt mean I havent figured out what has me in a bad mood
it just means I havent figured out how I feel about it
or why it is bothering me
I am happy to share my emotions
once they are sorted out
I do not hash out such things with other people
Another one of those questions is
"How are you?"
in case you never got the memo
the only acceptible answers to that question are:
Great
Good
Fine
Could be worse
Could be better
It is a casual question, meant to signify minor interest in your existence
and fill a void in small talk while getting around to the point
this is not the time to go into your entire lifes drama
if they ask further questions, then you can unload on them
back to my original train of thought
I despise the "How was your day" question
because for one thing, it is entirely too open ended
perhaps this is a guy thing but if I have something to tell you
I will
I dont need to wait until you ask about it
If I am not talking to you then it probably means
I do not have anything which I think you
should know, could benefit from, or would be amused by
and coming home from a fourteen hour day at the office
the last thing I want is to spend thirty minutes of the rest of my life
recounting the crap I went through all day
so my answers are generally
work was work
it was fine
I had a shitty day
which never seems to quite satisfy
the person asking the question
I am a person who needs
a lot of personal space and private time
I have been wondering recently
if I will ever get married
as I review my personal needs and comforts
it seems less and less likely
basically for someone to marry me
she has to either
be willing to put up with my shit
or
be marrying me for money/security/etc
unfortunately neither of these really works for me
the latter is obvious
although it would be convienent in some ways
it really would not measure up to my expectations in a marriage
the former is more tricky
because most women that I would consider marrying
would not take my crap
a variant of the old joke
"I wouldnt join any club that would have me as a member"
I have only known one woman in my life
who met my expectations
and would tolerate my crap
[she thought it was cute]
[why I never will understand]
and considering the sheer volume of women
that I have dated
let alone the vast number
that I have met in my life
and one out of either of those numbers
doesnt leave me with very good odds
well
my thoughts are wandering
and my brain hurts
so
I guess I should head off to bed
nighters all
dream lavacious dreams
of something naughty
if you ask what I have in a bag, I will say stuff
not because I have anything to hide but because it is not worth my time
to go into more detail and besides why are you asking anyway
I tend to hold my intimate past and my intimate thoughts very closely
I have never reacted well to people prying
and my least favourite question in the world is
"How was your day?"
and
"Are you ok?" is a close second
Why is it everyone always ask you if you are ok immediately after some sort of physical calamity
you get hit by a bus and ten people will run over and ask you if you are ok
"no, I just got hit by a fucking bus, I am not ok"
and then they look at you like you are the asshole
Of course you also get the "Are you ok" question when you are in a bad mood
in which case the real question is "will you tell me what is bothering you"
the answer to that will almost always be "no"
If I am bothered by something and I feel you should know about it
I will tell you, it is just that simple
the other possibility, is that something is bothering me
but I havent figured it out yet
that doesnt mean I havent figured out what has me in a bad mood
it just means I havent figured out how I feel about it
or why it is bothering me
I am happy to share my emotions
once they are sorted out
I do not hash out such things with other people
Another one of those questions is
"How are you?"
in case you never got the memo
the only acceptible answers to that question are:
Great
Good
Fine
Could be worse
Could be better
It is a casual question, meant to signify minor interest in your existence
and fill a void in small talk while getting around to the point
this is not the time to go into your entire lifes drama
if they ask further questions, then you can unload on them
back to my original train of thought
I despise the "How was your day" question
because for one thing, it is entirely too open ended
perhaps this is a guy thing but if I have something to tell you
I will
I dont need to wait until you ask about it
If I am not talking to you then it probably means
I do not have anything which I think you
should know, could benefit from, or would be amused by
and coming home from a fourteen hour day at the office
the last thing I want is to spend thirty minutes of the rest of my life
recounting the crap I went through all day
so my answers are generally
work was work
it was fine
I had a shitty day
which never seems to quite satisfy
the person asking the question
I am a person who needs
a lot of personal space and private time
I have been wondering recently
if I will ever get married
as I review my personal needs and comforts
it seems less and less likely
basically for someone to marry me
she has to either
be willing to put up with my shit
or
be marrying me for money/security/etc
unfortunately neither of these really works for me
the latter is obvious
although it would be convienent in some ways
it really would not measure up to my expectations in a marriage
the former is more tricky
because most women that I would consider marrying
would not take my crap
a variant of the old joke
"I wouldnt join any club that would have me as a member"
I have only known one woman in my life
who met my expectations
and would tolerate my crap
[she thought it was cute]
[why I never will understand]
and considering the sheer volume of women
that I have dated
let alone the vast number
that I have met in my life
and one out of either of those numbers
doesnt leave me with very good odds
well
my thoughts are wandering
and my brain hurts
so
I guess I should head off to bed
nighters all
dream lavacious dreams
of something naughty
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-10-07 01:08 am (UTC)I too feel as you've described
no subject
Date: 2002-10-07 05:36 am (UTC)While it may be the general population's expectation that one gives one of the short responses above to "How are you?", I can honestly say that I ask the question with a genuine interest and that the people I know have long ago figured out that they can answer however they choose, including "my life sucks," because I consider it my duty and pleasure to provide myself as a sounding board for the people I care about. You too will remain subject to me giving a shit. Sorry.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-07 05:43 am (UTC)ah always a difficult one
*snogsnog*
I did not imply that people should not give a shit, more that people should be wary when unloading on people who ask that question. Obviously if you are speaking with someone with whom you know cares and is interested in hearing more, other answers are pratical and within reason.
no subject
Date: 2002-10-07 08:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-10-07 09:18 am (UTC)"Should I be worried?"
it seemed to encompase the jist of "how are you" and "are you ok" without being too nosy or invasive.
gold star for you
Date: 2002-10-07 11:37 am (UTC)thats a great question
it allows me to give you a meaningful answer
without
being invasive
no subject
Date: 2002-10-07 09:24 am (UTC)more than saying how are you i tend to say what's up or what are you doing if i'm on the phone....it's just a greeting...
but, it is rather funny when someone asks "how are you" and you unload everything....hell, i started crying in the airport a couple weeks ago when a lady asked me that....i just couldn't help it...bleh
no subject
Date: 2002-10-07 12:00 pm (UTC)Oh how I would have like to answer...."that you are going to ask me that stupid fucking question every day until I graduate."
I must also comment that when someone appears down, troubled or generally distraught my inquiries are genuine. I do learn quickly however. If you spend 3 hours unloading woes over some tiny little thing, I won't ask again.