On Questions

[plural]

I am rather private person

if you ask what I have in a bag, I will say stuff

not because I have anything to hide but because it is not worth my time
to go into more detail and besides why are you asking anyway

I tend to hold my intimate past and my intimate thoughts very closely

I have never reacted well to people prying
and my least favourite question in the world is
"How was your day?"
and
"Are you ok?" is a close second

Why is it everyone always ask you if you are ok immediately after some sort of physical calamity
you get hit by a bus and ten people will run over and ask you if you are ok

"no, I just got hit by a fucking bus, I am not ok"
and then they look at you like you are the asshole

Of course you also get the "Are you ok" question when you are in a bad mood

in which case the real question is "will you tell me what is bothering you"
the answer to that will almost always be "no"

If I am bothered by something and I feel you should know about it
I will tell you, it is just that simple

the other possibility, is that something is bothering me
but I havent figured it out yet
that doesnt mean I havent figured out what has me in a bad mood
it just means I havent figured out how I feel about it
or why it is bothering me

I am happy to share my emotions
once they are sorted out
I do not hash out such things with other people

Another one of those questions is

"How are you?"

in case you never got the memo
the only acceptible answers to that question are:

Great
Good
Fine
Could be worse
Could be better

It is a casual question, meant to signify minor interest in your existence
and fill a void in small talk while getting around to the point
this is not the time to go into your entire lifes drama
if they ask further questions, then you can unload on them

back to my original train of thought

I despise the "How was your day" question
because for one thing, it is entirely too open ended

perhaps this is a guy thing but if I have something to tell you
I will

I dont need to wait until you ask about it

If I am not talking to you then it probably means
I do not have anything which I think you
should know, could benefit from, or would be amused by

and coming home from a fourteen hour day at the office
the last thing I want is to spend thirty minutes of the rest of my life
recounting the crap I went through all day

so my answers are generally

work was work
it was fine
I had a shitty day

which never seems to quite satisfy
the person asking the question

I am a person who needs
a lot of personal space and private time

I have been wondering recently
if I will ever get married
as I review my personal needs and comforts
it seems less and less likely

basically for someone to marry me
she has to either
be willing to put up with my shit
or
be marrying me for money/security/etc

unfortunately neither of these really works for me
the latter is obvious
although it would be convienent in some ways
it really would not measure up to my expectations in a marriage

the former is more tricky
because most women that I would consider marrying
would not take my crap

a variant of the old joke
"I wouldnt join any club that would have me as a member"

I have only known one woman in my life
who met my expectations
and would tolerate my crap
[she thought it was cute]
[why I never will understand]

and considering the sheer volume of women
that I have dated
let alone the vast number
that I have met in my life

and one out of either of those numbers
doesnt leave me with very good odds

well
my thoughts are wandering
and my brain hurts
so
I guess I should head off to bed
nighters all
dream lavacious dreams
of something naughty