Truth about people?

[plural]

Can people change?

or more importantly

Can I?

some of you here
have known me for three years
a few even longer than that
and
many for varying periods shorter

some of you know me quite intimately
some casually

so I ask you

I know I have learned an incredible amount
about myself and how I interact with the world
in that time
but
has anything really changed?

am I the same arrogant foppish bastard
I have always been?

have you observed growth or decline in my person?

or is it just the same old shit
day after day

how many of you consider me a friend
versus a source of entertaining banter
or even both

What would be the one change you think I need to make most?


shoot from the hip
compliments and bullshit not requested
and
don't worry
the meaner you are
the more straight forward you are
the
more I will
appreciate it

cause if there is one thing I have learned

it takes guts to be a complete bastard

but in case some of you lack it
I have turned on anonymous comments
[and turned off IP tracking]
for this post
*grin*

anyway
I gotta run
but I was pondering this as I got ready tonight
and thought I would fire off a quick post

love love

me

Comments

[zaiah.livejournal.com]

Yes. Peaple can change. and you have. I see a difference and am only more pleased in a "watching out for you," maternalistic way. And I have been here for most of the three years now.

I consider you a friend.. in a very odd way. Perhaps more that I want to be your friend and attempt to be your friend, but you do not need what I offer. I enjoyed that brief portion of time when we discoursed most every day and you always had a word that turned my attention from the problems to the goal.

My own self esteem converts the statement above into that I, as a person, must not mete out high enough on a list for you to consider spending time being as a friend to me.. or, conversely, that I am not pert, young, or available.. so you are not interested (a statement on your ethics - not on my personal esteem).

I think the greatest challenge in life for you will to be allow yourself to fall in love, a sharing of yourself wholly type love. Or perhaps something not quite as difficult as that - to simply embrace the other dreams of a family - and being a family man.

I worry that if you do not accept or truly pursue it soon than it will never come. And I think that will be a shame.

If you remain as you are now.. on a path as a chasimatic, generous, opinionated and unattached bastich - without making a step like that onto an alternative path (a path that forces you to undertake some deeper responsibilities and personal sacrifices and form more clearly the images of success you will surround yourself with; be that children or your brain child projects) - you will remain valuable as a family member and friend to all of those you love, though I worry that wihout further challenge to your soul you will face these same demons again and again until you have hollowed out your soul to be a brittle shell.

One of the things I am most impressed to see in you the past years is the relative Peace you have once again made with your Creator.

Have a good evening out.. thank you for providing a place for me to say what I had been thinking.