Quote for the Day

We can put television in its proper light by supposing that Gutenberg's great invention had been directed at printing only comic books.

-Robert M. Hutchins, educator (1899-1977)

On Respect

I was thinking some of one of my recent posts specifically when I discussed respecting women

Of course, the next day I recalled two more women I respect but that isnt really the point here
what I really thought about was how I use the word respect and what it takes to become someone I respect

like I said, I respect very few people
[which is different from disrespecting them, I disrespect no-one without good reason]

but what does that mean, sure we can go to the dictionary and get the standard bullshit definition
but when it comes down to it, respect, and by what we measure it is highly personal

in fact it says more about us than the people whom we respect
in a certain sense respect is envy without the baggage

the bar I set for respect is fairly high and what in all honesty disqualifies most people
is not some failing on their part but simply that I do not know them well enough to judge

people like weetanya & luv2ride are two examples of such
people who I have met briefly and who left a positive impression
but that I honestly do not know well enough to make such a call

with those I know personal responsibility is what I respect
I do not care if you are successful, gorgeous, or brilliant
if you are an ass or unable to look at yourself
you may never know it, but I will view you with contempt
of course
if you are one of those I respect you will know it

the people I respect, firstly respect themselves
show respect to others unless there is cause to do otherwise
look at themselves and their lives openly
and, and
make an effort to work on their shit

for me it isnt really how well you have your shit together but whether you are working on improving yourself
sure, something with their shit together impresses me but we all have shit, and if there is one thing I have learned in this life
is that it is precisely when you have become comfortable having your shit together that life throws you the unexpected curve

with my friends I do not look for those who have everything perfect because life isnt
instead I look for people who can handle the shit that happens with grace and flexibility

Don't Drop the Soap (for anyone else but me)

so in going through my daily dose of emails I opened a message from a friend
or what I thought was a message from a friend

but no
it was spam for some dating site
in it was an excerpt from some chicks ad, in which she says

"I am looking for someone who will love me for me"

which is such a common and bland line but struck me oddly today

I mean, honestly, who wants to be loved just for what we are?

not I

now whatever failings I may have when I look at myself and however they may bother me
it is mostly a matter of striving to continually improve myself
and I have little patience with myself in that process

but when I add perspective and look at the teeming masses of humanity
I cant help but feel pretty damn about myself

there isn't a day that goes by where I do not,
at some point pause and think
how great it is to be me and not some other poor schmuck

that said

To me, and I realize I am probably reading too much into a casual and trite remark
to be loved for what we are, seems defeatist

a sad plea

"this is the best I am going to get, wont you please love me"

the problem with that in my mind is this

it seems equates a value and to be worth to being loved
as if a person can earn love

love is like trust in that
it can be broken, shattered, betrayed, upheld, cherished and embraced
but it can not be earned

only given

I do not care how trustworthy you may act
if I get a wrong vibe, even contrary to all evidence
I will not trust you

Either I get the right vibe and decide to risk it
to open up myself to them and
give them a chance to prove me right or wrong

for me love is the same

the decision to open up
when it comes down to it
is based on nothing more than gut feeling

what others may call a spark

it is only once that decision is made
that all those other verbs and adjectives come into play

you cannot betray or cherish
that what you do not possess

perhaps I aim too high but I do not want someone to love me just for what I am now, at this moment
because in five or ten years, I will not be that person

sure there will be commonalities and while I doubt my core beliefs will change tremendously
I do hope to keep growing as person and with growth comes change
which means I expect to be in many ways a different person
thirty years from now.

I want someone to love me for what I can be both in those best and worst moments
but someone who isn't content with what I am now

that doesn't mean I want someone to change me
rather someone who will insist on and assist me in my future growth

someone who says "you are fabulous and I love you but keep working on it and then maybe, you'll be worth it"

I could never love someone for just what they are right now
to be honest, thirty years of the same personality and interests, that same bullshit and those same issues would bore me to tears
but
it is our human potential for growth and change which allows us to remain interesting, both to ourselves and our partners

I have never tried to change a woman to meet my needs
I insist that they, like any friend of mine, continue to grow and improve themselves
but the direction and path is up to them,
I just want to be along for the ride

to watch a beautiful and amazing woman

become infinitely more so