sadness

I just received word
that a good friend of mine passed away on Saturday
the message I received
didn't state the cause of death
only that he passed away at home in the evening

he was forty years of age

I am still in shock really

guess tomorrow
I will have to see about making flight arrangements
to go home for the funeral

but for right now
I think I need a drink

Just spoke with one of my friends back home

at the moment we just dont know what happened

he was out socializing on saturday night
sent an email to my friend at 10pm
got into his pajamas and went to sleep

he just never woke up

he was found this morning
when people were worried enough
to go looking for him

the body is still with the Medical Examiner
not sure when the funeral will be
but I will be going to Seattle
as soon as I can arrange it

I feel like my feet just got knocked out from under me
and someone is standing on my throat

halfway between falling apart
and blinding rage

my poor cat is freaking out
cant figure out what is going on


fuck

I dont even know what to say

I am just so damn tired of burying those I love

some posts just refuse to be written

the Funeral is Thursday at 2pm

I fly home at noon tomorrow
and will be in seattle through sunday

I appreciate the concern many of you have expressed
it has meant a lot to me but I cant find any words

my mind is blank
just a gelantinous blob of emotion

just am dumbfounded and blindsided really
and hurting quite a bit

and
even this little has taken me thirty minutes to write
so I am going to stop trying now
I will speak to you all sometime later

love
me