Interesting ...

( Online Palmistry )

The insanity must end

Will somebody please either

knock Brooke up

or

buy Brooke a monkey

please

( do it for the Kitty )

By Hook and By Crook

so

I managed to pull a "plural" today
and get my Canadian drivers license

despite the fact that yet again
I failed my drivers test

I have in my life
on three occasion taken a driving skills test
on all three occasions
I have failed that test
and
still gotten my license

I was given demerits today for:

Driving with one hand
14 Separate "observational errors"

Apparently in Canada
you are require to look over your shoulder
in the direction which you are turning
before making a turn
in case Santa or his elves
just magically appeared
on the edge of the roadway

and making a left turn too wide
[which was complete bullshit]

The examiner gave me a "Defensive Driving Lesson"
[btw I do not believe in Defensive Driving]
[I believe in Offensive Driving]

read that as a lecture at the end of the test
after twenty minutes of that shit
said he was going to pass me anyway

*sigh*

aight folks

I have two seriously major pet peeves
the first
is don't ever lecture me

sure
tell me what you need to say
say it once
then shut the fuck up

but you get condescending on my ass
or repetitive and you are gonna piss me off

and the second
[closely related to the first]

Don't waste my fucking time

After five minutes of his babbling
I was didn't give a shit whether I passed the test
I just want to staple his tie to the roof of my car
and shove his clipboard and laminated placards
so far up his ass that his tonsils get paper cuts

This shit always happens to me

I got pulled over in NC
on my way to Raleigh

I was doing between 100 and 105
I did not have my license
or proof of insurance on me
and my car had expired tabs

The cop let me off with a warning
but spent
and I am not exaggerating in the least
twenty-five fucking minutes
lecturing me about safe driving and the dangers of speeding

I was expecting him to break out the damn flow charts
like examiner boy today

By the time he was finished
I was about to start begging for the damn tickets
just so he would shut the fuck up
and leave me alone

See

I really don't like you
that goes for almost everyone
so listening to you talk is not very high on my priority list
in fact
it generally annoys the shit out of me
and being subjected to it
for an extended period of time
is
sort of like a root canal without anesthetic

and in other news

I stopped by a chicken farm today
to pick up supplies

it is a free-range organic chicken farm
[where I got the sausage for one of the meals I posted photos of]
and I spent about $200 bucks CDN
on chicken

I gots two kinds of sausage
County and Italian

bunch of boneless/skinless chicken breasts

and

some chicken hearts and livers
cause
I am gonna make some
pates
mousses
and
of course

good old fashioned yenta momma chopped liver

mmmm mmmm delicious

anyway gotta run

need to drop off my laundry and dry cleaning
among other things

be well

love me

Michael Jackson Update

Police are engaged in a high speed pursuit of MJ

( Live Feed of Police Pursuit of Michael Jackson )

Lanius Ludovicianus ... or ... I would rather keep my lies

aka

The Loggerhead Shrike

it is unusual because though it preys on other birds it doesn't have any talons

instead it takes advantage of its surroundings it doesn't need much in the way of claws
as it knows the world is full of surrogate claws so it just uses what is there.

it impales its prey on thorns or barbed wire fastens it to the natural surroundings
then uses its hooked beak to slice it apart and devour it

hence the nickname of

The Butcher Bird

it is also well known for its two note call and is interesting for its sense of confusion

you see it is a hawk that thinks it is a song bird

or perhaps wishes to be

in the human world like the avian world
people can often be similarly divided

between hawks and songbirds

some people know they are hawks
some people know they are songbirds

I am more like that butcher bird
a hawk that wishes it was a songbird

I don't know when it happened for me if there even was a breaking point

but I know that I am truly just a hawk

when I think clearly and allow myself to be honest with myself
I must admit that I truly don't care about others

not in that "I am selfish and want my way" sort of not caring
but true apathy
in that if you died a gruesome death
it would warrant little concern from me beyond casual disappointment
my life would continue as before only I would remove your name from my address book
and maybe send some flowers in deference to my social training

I, however have become
the consummate actor

most anyone who knows me or thinks they do
will say that I am a person who truly cares

but it is really a lie
not because I wish to deceive you
but because I must deceive myself

there is a part of me
raised among the rest of you
recognizing your values and strengths
entirely jealous of your ability to care

your weaknesses
your fragility and impotence
are irresistible to me

I want to be a song bird
desperately
so desperately
that I am willing to lie to myself
to force myself to believe that lie
which is why
it is so easy for you to believe me

I am being genuine to you
but false to myself

I often wonder what broke me
try to imagine myself the warrior poet
rather than the calculating machine

but in the cold light of dawn
such hopes ring false