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pluralaka
The Loggerhead Shrike
it is unusual because though it preys on other birds it doesn't have any talons
instead it takes advantage of its surroundings it doesn't need much in the way of claws
as it knows the world is full of surrogate claws so it just uses what is there.
it impales its prey on thorns or barbed wire fastens it to the natural surroundings
then uses its hooked beak to slice it apart and devour it
hence the nickname of
The Butcher Bird
it is also well known for its two note call and is interesting for its sense of confusion
you see it is a hawk that thinks it is a song bird
or perhaps wishes to be
in the human world like the avian world
people can often be similarly divided
between hawks and songbirds
some people know they are hawks
some people know they are songbirds
I am more like that butcher bird
a hawk that wishes it was a songbird
I don't know when it happened for me if there even was a breaking point
but I know that I am truly just a hawk
when I think clearly and allow myself to be honest with myself
I must admit that I truly don't care about others
not in that "I am selfish and want my way" sort of not caring
but true apathy
in that if you died a gruesome death
it would warrant little concern from me beyond casual disappointment
my life would continue as before only I would remove your name from my address book
and maybe send some flowers in deference to my social training
I, however have become
the consummate actor
most anyone who knows me or thinks they do
will say that I am a person who truly cares
but it is really a lie
not because I wish to deceive you
but because I must deceive myself
there is a part of me
raised among the rest of you
recognizing your values and strengths
entirely jealous of your ability to care
your weaknesses
your fragility and impotence
are irresistible to me
I want to be a song bird
desperately
so desperately
that I am willing to lie to myself
to force myself to believe that lie
which is why
it is so easy for you to believe me
I am being genuine to you
but false to myself
I often wonder what broke me
try to imagine myself the warrior poet
rather than the calculating machine
but in the cold light of dawn
such hopes ring false
The Loggerhead Shrike
it is unusual because though it preys on other birds it doesn't have any talons
instead it takes advantage of its surroundings it doesn't need much in the way of claws
as it knows the world is full of surrogate claws so it just uses what is there.
it impales its prey on thorns or barbed wire fastens it to the natural surroundings
then uses its hooked beak to slice it apart and devour it
hence the nickname of
The Butcher Bird
it is also well known for its two note call and is interesting for its sense of confusion
you see it is a hawk that thinks it is a song bird
or perhaps wishes to be
in the human world like the avian world
people can often be similarly divided
between hawks and songbirds
some people know they are hawks
some people know they are songbirds
I am more like that butcher bird
a hawk that wishes it was a songbird
I don't know when it happened for me if there even was a breaking point
but I know that I am truly just a hawk
when I think clearly and allow myself to be honest with myself
I must admit that I truly don't care about others
not in that "I am selfish and want my way" sort of not caring
but true apathy
in that if you died a gruesome death
it would warrant little concern from me beyond casual disappointment
my life would continue as before only I would remove your name from my address book
and maybe send some flowers in deference to my social training
I, however have become
the consummate actor
most anyone who knows me or thinks they do
will say that I am a person who truly cares
but it is really a lie
not because I wish to deceive you
but because I must deceive myself
there is a part of me
raised among the rest of you
recognizing your values and strengths
entirely jealous of your ability to care
your weaknesses
your fragility and impotence
are irresistible to me
I want to be a song bird
desperately
so desperately
that I am willing to lie to myself
to force myself to believe that lie
which is why
it is so easy for you to believe me
I am being genuine to you
but false to myself
I often wonder what broke me
try to imagine myself the warrior poet
rather than the calculating machine
but in the cold light of dawn
such hopes ring false
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no subject
Date: 2003-11-21 08:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-11-21 11:57 pm (UTC)mother abigale (laughing): It doesn't matter, he believes in you.
Things I believe even though I'm an atheist*:
It is impossible for people to sell their souls in on trasaction... it is done slowly over time.
God isn't one person or entity, rather the mass of humanity acting as a group.