Good lord

I spent the last hour or so
starting the process of getting a Canadian drivers license

I expect to complete the process
and obtain my license
in the 2nd Quarter of 2007

But seriously folks
especially you canucks

I am amazed that anyone
drives in the country

it took thirty minutes
and six people
to figure out which written test
I had to take

which I passed only by the grace of
well

me

I get to go back this afternoon
for my temporary copy
of my probationary license

then I have a drivers test
schedule a month from now
[that was the soonest they could manage]
at which point
I am sure I will need another seven fellows
to help determine which driving test I need

not to mention the seventeen million
customs and immigration documents
I will need to prove that my vehicle
while not in a legal driving condition in Canada
is exempted from all your silly Canadian laws
so none of that really matters

no

really folks

can I just get a little trust here

thanks

whew

of course

should I successfully receive my license
then I have to transfer my plates and registration
to Nova Scotia

Which will be another case of explaining
how my vehicle does not need to be inspected
or comply with any vehicle laws in Canada
but still can get a license plate

I could in theory get my plate now
but I figure
why confuse the bastards with Canadian plates
as long as the car has American documentation
they will be more likely to buy
my sorry ass American rhetoric
and have pity on me

might as well get the license mess done first
then worry about the plates

You know, I am noticing a certain trend in my life

one of having to constantly explain
why the rules that apply to everyone else
do not apply to me
and how I could not comply with said rules
even if I desired to

When I was younger
[read teenaged]
feeling special and privileged
because the rules didn't apply to me
was fairly neat

now
I just sort of wish I could live my life
interacting with government
in the same dull repetitive process
dutifully slogging through bureaucracy
with mind numbing routine
like everyone else

on the bright side
it does polish my charm
quite a bit
as I sweet talk all the ladies
in the license bureau
into seeing things my way

*sigh*

in other news
my cat has learned how to open the back door
from the outside
but much to my consternation
continues to fail to remember to close it behind him

so I generally do not realize the door is open
until I either see said cat
or realizing I am residing in a sweat lodge
and go close the door

now a slight puzzle for you all

It is currently winter here
the outside temperature
ranges from 0-5 degrees Celsius
you would think that
I would notice the door was open
because the temperature dropped
but instead the opposite is true

I never notice it get colder
instead I find myself suddenly
much much hotter

Why?

The first person to correctly answer this puzzle
will receive the satisfaction of figuring it out
as well as the joy of having amused their plural

and lastly

I have determined that my next door neighbor
a craggy old feller of about 65
is nothing short of a bulldog

I notice the guy
out working on his yard
from time to time
and he just seems like the sort of feller
who likes knowing what is going on

so I thought I would go over
and let him know I was leaving town
for a week or so
and that if he heard my alarm system
to call the cops

he looked at me
straight in the eyes
and I could tell he was a man
who had once been a soldier
and said

"So you have given nobody permission to be in that house while you are gone?"

I said "Nope"

"That's all I need to know"

I said "Great, so if you hear the alarm just call the cops"

he looked over at me
with slightly dubious eyes
and said

"I got it covered"

somehow I got the feeling
anyone trying to break in my house
while I am gone
will be praying for the cops
quite swiftly

*Grin*

and that's the news from lake woebegone