Sep. 4th, 2002
Stolen from ![[profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cmstrick
Sep. 4th, 2002 12:29 pmDIFFICULT WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
Specificity
Indubitably
Proliferation
Cinnamon
British Constitution
IMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
Thanks, but I don't want sex.
No, I don't want another drink.
No Taco Bell for me thank you.
Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.
Good evening officer
I'm not interested in fighting you.
No one wants to hear me sing.
[no occifer, there is no blood in my alcohol system]
[why dont you go to your own jackyard and back off]
Specificity
Indubitably
Proliferation
Cinnamon
British Constitution
IMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
Thanks, but I don't want sex.
No, I don't want another drink.
No Taco Bell for me thank you.
Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.
Good evening officer
I'm not interested in fighting you.
No one wants to hear me sing.
[no occifer, there is no blood in my alcohol system]
[why dont you go to your own jackyard and back off]
note to self
Sep. 4th, 2002 03:09 pmbuy or locate the following today
pot holder or oven mitt
aloe vera gel
pot holder or oven mitt
aloe vera gel
Whose friends are these anyway?
Sep. 4th, 2002 04:25 pmOk today we are having a little fun at other peoples expense
what you might ask, makes this different than any other day?
ok, so not much
below are random quotations
taken completely out of context
which amused the hell out of me
or maybe just sort of amused me
[i am not telling]
After a long day of masturbation, I like to sit back and enjoy a glass of smooth, slightly effeminant, Mike's Hard Lemonade
are you a young priest who wants to be a milkman?
even if its all fried lard.
and masturbating for Mancow
It's gotta be so addictive, what with all the adorable little things popping out left and right...
my toilet will never look at me in the same way ever again
Why does the glue on envelopes taste sooooo bad?
when coupled with spicy guacamole-- it's not just tolerable
Speaking of strange undergarments
some of you girls better stick to the old-fashioned methods like taping a pillow to your ass
congratulations to anyone whose money was on Nikki the fish
So, uh, now I can call Sarah, and get myself off
Oh, dont worry, Lindsey, Im not gonna masturbate on yer couch
"Goddamn white folks," he yelled at me as the light changed and I drove away, still laughing uncontrollably. "This never gets them!"
what you might ask, makes this different than any other day?
ok, so not much
below are random quotations
taken completely out of context
which amused the hell out of me
or maybe just sort of amused me
[i am not telling]
After a long day of masturbation, I like to sit back and enjoy a glass of smooth, slightly effeminant, Mike's Hard Lemonade
are you a young priest who wants to be a milkman?
even if its all fried lard.
and masturbating for Mancow
It's gotta be so addictive, what with all the adorable little things popping out left and right...
my toilet will never look at me in the same way ever again
Why does the glue on envelopes taste sooooo bad?
when coupled with spicy guacamole-- it's not just tolerable
Speaking of strange undergarments
some of you girls better stick to the old-fashioned methods like taping a pillow to your ass
congratulations to anyone whose money was on Nikki the fish
So, uh, now I can call Sarah, and get myself off
Oh, dont worry, Lindsey, Im not gonna masturbate on yer couch
"Goddamn white folks," he yelled at me as the light changed and I drove away, still laughing uncontrollably. "This never gets them!"
sharing a little humor
Sep. 4th, 2002 07:56 pmA man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning
by a loud pounding on the door
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"
"You should be ashamed of yourself" she chided
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?"
"You should go help him!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed,
and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark,
"Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!"
by a loud pounding on the door
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken
stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"
"You should be ashamed of yourself" she chided
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?"
"You should go help him!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed,
and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark,
"Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!"