Apr. 12th, 2001
Aries: (March 21--April 19)
When you said no one could tell you how to live your life, you forgot about the warden and all those guards.
Taurus: (April. 20--May 20)
You will receive an urgent transmission from the Martian government informing you that Mars does not, in fact, need women, so please stop sending them.
Gemini: (May 21--June 21)
The people who brought you Beethoven and Beethoven's 2nd have had time to think about it and are now willing to take them back.
Cancer: (June 22--July 22)
Your insistence that mere psychology is behind the recent stock-market swings will go largely unheeded by the other panhandlers.
Leo: (July 23--Aug. 22)
Does anybody want a perfectly good coffeemaker? The stars are giving up coffee and just want to get rid of the thing. It's a nice one, barely used.
Virgo: (Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
You'll learn from experience that appointing a 10-member steering committee isn't the best way to drive a truck.
Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
Be assured that the gods of Love and Mercy have heard your pleas for help. They have taped them and enjoy playing them for huge laughs at their god parties.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
Scorpio would like to point out that it's a lot easier to predict exciting futures for people who leave the house sometimes.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
You will be struck with an incredible flash of near-divine insight next Tuesday, suddenly making you aware of the reason the chicken crossed the road.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22--Jan. 19)
Your biting, acerbic sense of humor will be magically transformed into a lightly irreverent, playful one by Hollywood executives.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
You just can't shake the feeling that, while he might not have shot anybody, Puffy must be guilty of something.
Pisces: (Feb. 19--March 20)
Money woes will continue to plague you for the foreseeable future. But, gee, you should be used to it by now, right?
When you said no one could tell you how to live your life, you forgot about the warden and all those guards.
Taurus: (April. 20--May 20)
You will receive an urgent transmission from the Martian government informing you that Mars does not, in fact, need women, so please stop sending them.
Gemini: (May 21--June 21)
The people who brought you Beethoven and Beethoven's 2nd have had time to think about it and are now willing to take them back.
Cancer: (June 22--July 22)
Your insistence that mere psychology is behind the recent stock-market swings will go largely unheeded by the other panhandlers.
Leo: (July 23--Aug. 22)
Does anybody want a perfectly good coffeemaker? The stars are giving up coffee and just want to get rid of the thing. It's a nice one, barely used.
Virgo: (Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
You'll learn from experience that appointing a 10-member steering committee isn't the best way to drive a truck.
Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
Be assured that the gods of Love and Mercy have heard your pleas for help. They have taped them and enjoy playing them for huge laughs at their god parties.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
Scorpio would like to point out that it's a lot easier to predict exciting futures for people who leave the house sometimes.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
You will be struck with an incredible flash of near-divine insight next Tuesday, suddenly making you aware of the reason the chicken crossed the road.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22--Jan. 19)
Your biting, acerbic sense of humor will be magically transformed into a lightly irreverent, playful one by Hollywood executives.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
You just can't shake the feeling that, while he might not have shot anybody, Puffy must be guilty of something.
Pisces: (Feb. 19--March 20)
Money woes will continue to plague you for the foreseeable future. But, gee, you should be used to it by now, right?
(no subject)
Apr. 12th, 2001 11:34 amEvery so often
comes along a website
which states my point
of view so clearly and
succintly that
I have to bow to
their glory
without further ado
Click Here
comes along a website
which states my point
of view so clearly and
succintly that
I have to bow to
their glory
without further ado
Click Here
(no subject)
Apr. 12th, 2001 05:19 pmAn old man and his dog were walking along a country
road, enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred
to the man that he had died. He remembered dying, and
realized, too, that the dog had been dead for many
years. He wondered where the road would lead them, and continued onward.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall
along one side of the road. It looked like fine
marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a
tall, white arch that gleamed in the sunlight. When he
was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in
the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the
street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He
was pleased that he had finally arrived at heaven, and
the man and his dog walked toward the gate. As he got
closer, he saw someone sitting at a beautifully carved
desk off to one side. When he was close enough, he
called out, "Excuse me, but is this heaven?"
Yes, it is, sir," the man answered. Wow! Would you
happen to have some water?" the man asked. Of course,
sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water
brought right up."
The gatekeeper gestured to his rear, and the huge gate
began to open. I assume my friend can come in..." the
man said, gesturing toward his dog. But the reply was
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought about it, then thanked the gatekeeper,
turned back toward the road, and continued in the
direction he had been going. After another long walk,
he reached the top of another long hill, and he came
to a dirt road, which led through a farm gate. There
was no fence, and it looked as if the gate had never
been closed, as grass had grown up around it. As he
approached the gate, he saw a man just inside, sitting
in the shade of a tree in a rickety old chair, reading
a book.
Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any
water?" Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there," the
man said, pointing to a place that couldn't be seen
from outside the gate. "Come on in and make yourself
at home."
How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to
the dog. He's welcome too, and there's a bowl by the
pump," he said. They walked through the gate and, sure
enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a
dipper hanging on it and a bowl next to it on the
ground.
The man filled the bowl for his dog, and then took a
long drink himself. When both were satisfied he and
the dog walked back toward the man, who was sitting
under the tree waiting for them, and asked,
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
Why, this is heaven," was the answer.
Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "It
certainly doesn't look like heaven, and there's
another man down the road who said that place was
heaven."
Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly
gates?" Yes, it was beautiful." "Nope, that's not
heaven," he replied. That's the front door to hell."
"Doesn't it offend you for them to use the name of
heaven like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but it actually
saves us a lot of time. They screen out the people who
are willing to leave their best friends behind.
road, enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred
to the man that he had died. He remembered dying, and
realized, too, that the dog had been dead for many
years. He wondered where the road would lead them, and continued onward.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall
along one side of the road. It looked like fine
marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a
tall, white arch that gleamed in the sunlight. When he
was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in
the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the
street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He
was pleased that he had finally arrived at heaven, and
the man and his dog walked toward the gate. As he got
closer, he saw someone sitting at a beautifully carved
desk off to one side. When he was close enough, he
called out, "Excuse me, but is this heaven?"
Yes, it is, sir," the man answered. Wow! Would you
happen to have some water?" the man asked. Of course,
sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water
brought right up."
The gatekeeper gestured to his rear, and the huge gate
began to open. I assume my friend can come in..." the
man said, gesturing toward his dog. But the reply was
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought about it, then thanked the gatekeeper,
turned back toward the road, and continued in the
direction he had been going. After another long walk,
he reached the top of another long hill, and he came
to a dirt road, which led through a farm gate. There
was no fence, and it looked as if the gate had never
been closed, as grass had grown up around it. As he
approached the gate, he saw a man just inside, sitting
in the shade of a tree in a rickety old chair, reading
a book.
Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any
water?" Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there," the
man said, pointing to a place that couldn't be seen
from outside the gate. "Come on in and make yourself
at home."
How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to
the dog. He's welcome too, and there's a bowl by the
pump," he said. They walked through the gate and, sure
enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a
dipper hanging on it and a bowl next to it on the
ground.
The man filled the bowl for his dog, and then took a
long drink himself. When both were satisfied he and
the dog walked back toward the man, who was sitting
under the tree waiting for them, and asked,
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
Why, this is heaven," was the answer.
Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "It
certainly doesn't look like heaven, and there's
another man down the road who said that place was
heaven."
Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly
gates?" Yes, it was beautiful." "Nope, that's not
heaven," he replied. That's the front door to hell."
"Doesn't it offend you for them to use the name of
heaven like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but it actually
saves us a lot of time. They screen out the people who
are willing to leave their best friends behind.