plural

Aries: (March 21--April 19)
When you said no one could tell you how to live your life, you forgot about the warden and all those guards.

Taurus: (April. 20--May 20)
You will receive an urgent transmission from the Martian government informing you that Mars does not, in fact, need women, so please stop sending them.

Gemini: (May 21--June 21)
The people who brought you Beethoven and Beethoven's 2nd have had time to think about it and are now willing to take them back.

Cancer: (June 22--July 22)
Your insistence that mere psychology is behind the recent stock-market swings will go largely unheeded by the other panhandlers.

Leo: (July 23--Aug. 22)
Does anybody want a perfectly good coffeemaker? The stars are giving up coffee and just want to get rid of the thing. It's a nice one, barely used.

Virgo: (Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
You'll learn from experience that appointing a 10-member steering committee isn't the best way to drive a truck.

Libra: (Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
Be assured that the gods of Love and Mercy have heard your pleas for help. They have taped them and enjoy playing them for huge laughs at their god parties.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
Scorpio would like to point out that it's a lot easier to predict exciting futures for people who leave the house sometimes.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
You will be struck with an incredible flash of near-divine insight next Tuesday, suddenly making you aware of the reason the chicken crossed the road.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22--Jan. 19)
Your biting, acerbic sense of humor will be magically transformed into a lightly irreverent, playful one by Hollywood executives.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
You just can't shake the feeling that, while he might not have shot anybody, Puffy must be guilty of something.

Pisces: (Feb. 19--March 20)
Money woes will continue to plague you for the foreseeable future. But, gee, you should be used to it by now, right?