i have a longer version.. so much longer in fact that it won't fit in 1 comment.
INSTALLMENT NUMBER THE FIRST!
>Some thoughts on how bovine politico-economics might work.... > >FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. > >PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a >barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The >government gives you as much milk as you need. > >BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts >them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken >farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the >chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and >as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. > >FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of >them, and sells you the milk. > >PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, >and you all share the milk. > >RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the >government takes all the milk. > >DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. > >MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. > >PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. > >REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell >you who gets the milk. > >AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for >it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow >futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". > >BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go >mad. The government doesn't do anything. > >BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can >feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After >that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the >drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows. > >ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your >neighbors try to kill you and take the cows. > >CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
>HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly >- listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law at >the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer so >that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The >milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a >Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the >rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report >says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Meanwhile, >you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad. > >ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or >killing them. > >FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. > >TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they >ever existed. Milk is banned. > >POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a >symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two >differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non - specified >gender. > >COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have >some of this milk. > >SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica >lessons. > >SINGAPOREAN BUREAUCRACY :You have two cows. Government regulations do not allow >you to keep them in your apartment but instead should keep them on the street. >Then you keep them on the street only to be fined for allowing the propulsion >unit of your personal vehicle (bullock cart) to be on a restricted travel street >during morning and evening commuter hours. You drink soya bean milk." > >ITALIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The Mafia demands you pay them to protect >the cows, the Catholic Church require you to have them go to confession at least >twice weekly, whereas one cow becomes a porn actress and runs for president and >the other eats spaghetti until it can't produce milk anymore and is sold to an >English Second Division football club for ?2 million. You drink goats milk.
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i sent this already but it would appear that livejournal decided to eat it..
Date: 2001-11-14 12:59 am (UTC)INSTALLMENT NUMBER THE FIRST!
>Some thoughts on how bovine politico-economics might work....
>
>FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
>
>PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them
in a
>barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
>government gives you as much milk as you need.
>
>BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
puts
>them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken
>farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the
>chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
>as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
>
>FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care of
>them, and sells you the milk.
>
>PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them,
>and you all share the milk.
>
>RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but
the
>government takes all the milk.
>
>DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
>
>MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
>
>PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
>
>REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to
tell
>you who gets the milk.
>
>AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you
vote for
>it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow
>futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
>
>BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they
go
>mad. The government doesn't do anything.
>
>BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you
can
>feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them.
After
>that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the
>drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing
cows.
>
>ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
your
>neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
>
>CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Re: thing
Date: 2001-11-14 12:59 am (UTC)>HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly
>- listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother - in - law
at
>the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with associated general offer
so
>that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five
cows. The
>milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a
>Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who
sells the
>rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual
report
>says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
Meanwhile,
>you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
>
>ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking
or
>killing them.
>
>FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
>
>TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies
they
>ever existed. Milk is banned.
>
>POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"
is a
>symbol of the phallo - centric, war - mongering, intolerant past) two
>differently - aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non -
specified
>gender.
>
>COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to
have
>some of this milk.
>
>SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica
>lessons.
>
>SINGAPOREAN BUREAUCRACY :You have two cows. Government regulations do not
allow
>you to keep them in your apartment but instead should keep them on the
street.
>Then you keep them on the street only to be fined for allowing the
propulsion
>unit of your personal vehicle (bullock cart) to be on a restricted travel
street
>during morning and evening commuter hours. You drink soya bean milk."
>
>ITALIAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The Mafia demands you pay them to
protect
>the cows, the Catholic Church require you to have them go to confession at
least
>twice weekly, whereas one cow becomes a porn actress and runs for president
and
>the other eats spaghetti until it can't produce milk anymore and is sold to
an
>English Second Division football club for ?2 million. You drink goats milk.