I am a cold hearted bastard ... or ... maybe I just don't like people who selfishly toy with others

[plural]

a faux tragedy averted
millions relieved

personally
I favor suicide

I think as many of you
who want to off yourselves
the better

saves us the trouble
and create some space
for people who will do
something besides create
drama

I am a cold hearted son of a bitch

popping
a bunch of pills
on your web cam and
posting your intentions in your journal
is definitely
a cry for help
and
desperate for attention

people who are
serious about
killing themselves
do so,
and you don't know
a damn thing is wrong
till you read about it in the paper

[or find the body]

pathetic people
who do not have the courage
of their convictions
attempt suicide

quite frankly folks
killing yourself
or another person for that matter
is quite easy

if you fail in the attempt
you either
just wanted attention
and to create drama
or
you are some-ungodly-kinda-screwup

take this person
who decided to
take a bunch of pills
and flop around on their
web cam until their
friends managed in a panic
to gather together and get
the police and "save" her.

it must feel good
to have all those peoples
emotions tied around your finger
people rushing home and frantically
calling police officers halfway across the country

I say
fuck you
you selfish little twit

Life sucks
deal with it

if you need
attention
or
feel down

talk to people
talk to those people
who scurried about
in worry while you laid there
they seem to think
they are your friends

I do not know
why you are sad,
but I do know
you had no intention
of killing yourself
so
that only leaves
this whole mess
to be
a pathetic ploy
for attention

you make me
sick that you
could be so damn
self absorbed to
pull a stunt like this
put other people who
care about you through
all of that emotional turbulence
just because you
wanted to feel
"Special"

Perhaps I am bitter
maybe its because I
held a dear friends head
in my lap unable to stop
the bleeding from his wrists
feeling him die in my arms
before the ambulance could arrive

maybe I understand too well
what pain and suffering
feels like, what being despondent
is all about, and maybe I
stop just long enough to
think that I wouldn't want
someone else to feel that way

I think its all bullshit

life is hard
we are insignificant
and nothing is ever fair

so
get over your
damaged pride
and
do what we all do

breathe in
breathe out
repeat
as needed

eventually
it gets to feel
almost natural
I assure you

Comments

awww grrl!

[angel381.livejournal.com]

I know those feelings babe. And its so weird because.. you can't fully explain it.. you just know.. its dark and lonely..

I felt the same way! I didn't want anyone to save me.. hell! I wanted everyone to leave me the hell alone! I laid in bed many a night saying, "Come on, Terri. We just have to make it through tonight and everything will be fine. Just, let's make it through the night." And all I would let myself do was lay there, I wouldn't let myself get outta bed because I knew what I would do. It was kinda like the cutting, once I started, I couldn't stop. While I was doing it, I knew it was wrong but it made me feel better, there was no pain in it. If anything, it relieved me.

Then I said, ok, I can't look into the future.. I can't keep dwelling on the past. I just have to work harder.. one day at a time.. one day I am going to be something.

Then that was the first day of my life. I worked harder and just didn't think about the real things going on. And its so weird looking at some of the things going on for my now. I mean I am engaged to be married.. these are days I never thought I would see.

And its really great. Man, it is really great to be alive. Sometimes I drop back into those depths, but I just try to do something that will take my mind off of it.. I watch movies almost every time I feel I am doing it. I just have to stay busy and not think too much.

But I too feel, I know something many people don't know.. and it's going to help me to help others in the future. :)