An Answer, An Excuse

[plural]

I have long told my friends
that
all the women I sleep with despise me
that
I haven't slept with a woman
in more than ten years
who actually liked me
at the time I slept with them

they took it as hyperbole
and tonight
unfortunately
they got to see it first hand

a woman
whose words spoke only of hatred
and whose body spoke only of love

that is my curse I suppose
although
if I was callous
I'd say it was theirs

a dear friend
walking me out to my car tonight
said
I've often heard you talking
about how the women you sleep with
despise you
but
it never made sense to me
it seemed like something you said to appear cool
until
tonight

I wish I had an adequate defense
but I do not
the closest appromixation to one
I can muster
is
that despite my warnings
despite my clarity

they see in my someone I will never be
and get pissed off because I am not willing
to try to be someone I am not

for some reason
and despite significant effort on my part
woman love to see me as someone I am not
to create an image of me that suits them
and then blame me for refusing to become that person

the lass in question tonight
spent the night sitting on my lap
alternating between kissing me
and telling me how much she hated me

I merely agreed
what else could I do
disagreeing would only escalate the discussion
a discussion
which was already uncomfortable to
everyone else in the room

well
either that or put her on her knees
but
doing that would imply
a further interest on my part
and well
that would be dishonest

I am not a good man
I am barely a decent one
but I play by very clear rules
even if all the women I sleep with
choose to ignore them

my cards are on the table

yes I enjoy your company
yes I enjoy fucking you
yes I am fucking other people
yes I intend to continue doing so
and
perhaps most relevant

yes I am going to leave

no matter how much I say it
no matter how much I scream it

they never hear it
they don't want to hear it

because in their mind
I am someone I am not
someone they need me to be
someone I will never be

it is almost enough
to make me give up on women entirely
if
I wasn't a drunk
and
if I wasn't entirely too in love with love
for such a thing to be possible

besides
I have plans tomorrow
to fuck an absolutely delictible blonde
and
well
I'm just not man enough
to avoid such a temptation.

Comments

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

Don't worry. I hear you loud and clear. If we ever did fuck, it would be because you will leave.

[radiantsun.livejournal.com]

and because it'd be good.

But it does not seem to be in my cards these days.

[plural.livejournal.com]

I would

and

it would

and

pity

can't you get a special dispensation?

*wicked grin*

[plural.livejournal.com]

goddamn internet ;-p

[soft-steps.livejournal.com]

That chick sounds annoying.
You should have put her on her knees.
After all, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.
*grin*
To avoid her getting the wrong idea, merely tell her that she is doing it because she wants to, not because you want her to.
I doubt she'd disagree, after all who could? ;)

[plural.livejournal.com]

hmmm

somehow I suspect
I'd get more out of
putting someone else on her knees

come to think of it
so would she

;)

[soft-steps.livejournal.com]

I have no response to that.
*grin*

[plural.livejournal.com]

I'd think not

after all

you have always displayed
such pristine manners

[soft-steps.livejournal.com]

Oh indeed
I am truly known for my good behaviour
I am always very

very

good

[plural.livejournal.com]

mmm

of that I've never doubted

other things perhaps

but never that