Life as a duckbilled llama

[plural]

I often ponder

as I have too much free time

not sleeping does that for you

I often identify things
which are seemingly obvious
in my life and in those
which pass before my eyes

if we aren't meeting our
own needs in life
then how can we be
expected to meet anothers?

if we don't make ourselves
happy how can we expect another to?

Being happy and in a loving relationship
in essence is simple

If you love her or him
pay attention, listen
and be there for them
always

as was once told to me
when I was a young man

"You are an asshole,
is it part of being a man,
if you are lucky,
you will find a woman
who can appreciate your failings,
Do not fail her."

but we make it
much harder for ourselves

our socialization
fears
baggage
whatever

I had a conversation
with someone recently

where they said
I was far from
an average man
I was flattered
but wonder if
that is true

on the surface
I can point to many things

I:
took ballet and gymnastics and will admit it publicly
enjoy going to the opera, ballet, symphony and Broadway shows
pride myself on being a good cook
have excellent and discerning tastes
enjoy shopping most of the time

and as she said
"and you like girls?"

yep, most resoundingly do
I like females
and
have no tendencies
the other direction
(sorry boys)

but below that surface
am I that different
than any other schmuck?

really?

I have written more times
than I can count
about my beliefs
and values and expectations

but I make
mistakes
when in a relationship
some even are the same
I revile

I am no less a hypocrite than the rest of you

I want certain things
and am very clear about them

I want someone
to lust after for all my days
to hold kiss touch smell
to smile joke laugh and tease

I want to expect the world
and have the same expected of me
and for both to be delivered

when I asked
do I ask to much?

she responded
you ask for no less than you deserve

mmm perhaps

I have no trouble
meeting and socializing
with women who do
not interest me

that game I can play
perfectly, which I suppose
is why I have any semblance
of a sex life, and why
it is emotionally void

My trouble is this
when I find someone
whom I am interested in
I tend to get excited
(yes it is that rare ok)
while often the
attention is found flattering
I can come on a little strong

for me, I realize this
and am not sure
I am willing to change it

when I meet someone of interest,

I am very curious

and if being straightforward
about my thoughts and
desires is a disadvantage

so be it
at least it is
an amazing woman
slicing my throat
*grins at the overt melodrama*

I am not one to play games
with those in whom I see
possibility
no more than I like
to play mind games
with people I am dating

of my love
not for her strengths and achievements
but for her faults and foibles
will I love her

What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. -Ralph Waldo
Emerson

Comments

[petermarcus.livejournal.com]

From personal experience (and for what it's worth)... Being completely honest and candid up front is admirable. Too many of either gender will play games, so that weeks and months are wasted before the true person can be appreciated.

Unfortunately, since most people expect the games and dodging, it's hard for someone to accept that one is actually being honest and candid -- it sometimes looks like a game...one where the rules can't be quite figured out because it doesn't seem like the game that everyone else is playing.

I guess what I'm saying is this: Honesty and candidness can be admirable, but can also be misunderstood if that other someone thinks you're playing games like 99% of everyone else...sometimes it can backfire. I'm not saying that gamesmanship is necessary, but it may go better if you steer the topics you're honest about to something a little more passive for the first date or two -- you'll still be honest, but it gives the other person a chance to realize it.

Just a thought, MHO of course :) Good luck, you'll make someone an intense S.O. someday and turn your alias into something literal

your humble opinion

[plural.livejournal.com]

my friend
I have come
to greatly value
your humble opinion
when you choose to
share it
and
I hope with
all my heart
for my sake
and hers
that you
are right
about the last part