The pied piper's price
Aug. 25th, 2007 04:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pluralWhat price is worth paying for the thing you want most in the world?
Is there a price that is too much?
How do you look yourself in the mirror while you decide?
How do you walk away from that which you most desire?
---
I was going to make a trip to Seattle this afternoon
my boys up there were getting together for fight night
originally
I had not planned to go
but
today
I felt like I needed to
I wanted the drive as much as anything
time to clear my head
I told Samantha I was heading up
got in the car
drove for about an hour up I-5
and turned around
because
as I drove and thought
I couldn't be sure that I was coming back
over and over again
that same line reverberated in my head
how do I walk away from that which I want most
because right then and perhaps even now
that was what I was doing
so I turned around
not because I have any idea what I am doing
or because I have any answers
but because
if I am going to walk away
I do not want to do it without a fight
going quietly into the night is not who I am
I sent Samantha a text message
[I don't have a phone atm because I killed my cell]
letting her know that I changed my mind about going to Seattle
but that I thought it might be a good idea for her to spend the night
at her father's place
because
while I'm not going to run away from this fight
I'm not in any place to have it now
so instead
I bought a bottle of bourbon
and
I'm going to get rip roaring drunk
tomorrow is a new day
and
with any luck
I'll find the answer I seek
at the bottom of the bottle
I usually do
Is there a price that is too much?
How do you look yourself in the mirror while you decide?
How do you walk away from that which you most desire?
---
I was going to make a trip to Seattle this afternoon
my boys up there were getting together for fight night
originally
I had not planned to go
but
today
I felt like I needed to
I wanted the drive as much as anything
time to clear my head
I told Samantha I was heading up
got in the car
drove for about an hour up I-5
and turned around
because
as I drove and thought
I couldn't be sure that I was coming back
over and over again
that same line reverberated in my head
how do I walk away from that which I want most
because right then and perhaps even now
that was what I was doing
so I turned around
not because I have any idea what I am doing
or because I have any answers
but because
if I am going to walk away
I do not want to do it without a fight
going quietly into the night is not who I am
I sent Samantha a text message
[I don't have a phone atm because I killed my cell]
letting her know that I changed my mind about going to Seattle
but that I thought it might be a good idea for her to spend the night
at her father's place
because
while I'm not going to run away from this fight
I'm not in any place to have it now
so instead
I bought a bottle of bourbon
and
I'm going to get rip roaring drunk
tomorrow is a new day
and
with any luck
I'll find the answer I seek
at the bottom of the bottle
I usually do
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-08-26 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-26 09:26 am (UTC)and
no
I am not looking to leave her
and
things aren't going swimmingly
[although at times they are better than that]
that isn't to say things are terrible only that without question this relationship is the most difficult thing I've ever done and I've done some fucked up difficult shit.
I'm in love, without question, but that doesn't make it easy only worthwhile.