Darwin Awards
Jan. 16th, 2006 12:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pluralThis one needs an intro, so you won't be lost at the beginning. This man was in an accident (work accident, not car accident), so he filled out an insurance claim. The insurance company contacted him and asked for more information. This was his response:
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which was fortunately attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
"Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 300 pounds of tools. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh only 155 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate of speed up the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming down. This explains my fractured skull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. "Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold onto the rope in spite of my pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of tools hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the tools, the barrel now weighed approximately 20 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the tower. In the vicinity of the 40 foot level, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, and the lacerations of my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of tools and, fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the tools, in pain, unable to stand and watching the empty barrel 80 feet above me, I again lost my presence of mind. I let go of the rope...
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Date: 2006-01-16 03:58 am (UTC)fucking
way
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Date: 2006-01-16 04:10 am (UTC)it kills me, I think mostly because of the way he writes it
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Date: 2006-01-16 04:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-16 04:12 am (UTC)he has such a mild manner about it
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Date: 2006-01-16 04:13 am (UTC)He sounds very British.
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Date: 2006-01-16 04:22 am (UTC)which could be wrong
is that he was american
but the page I found this on
didnt say
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Date: 2006-01-16 04:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-16 05:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-16 05:15 am (UTC)nah
I think the story would not be nearly as funny
if it didnt have the first person perspective
filled with humilation and pain
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Date: 2006-01-16 05:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-16 05:08 am (UTC)its my favorite darwin tale by far
always leaves me crying
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Date: 2006-01-16 10:15 am (UTC)No way...
In fact, snopes says no
For those too lazy to RTFA, apparently it has it's origins date almost 100 years having been found in a 1918 joke book. Here's a different version they offer up that came from some USN captain's memoirs (written in the '50s, relaying a story that suposedly happened in 40's):
C.O., U.S.S. Saratoga
Dear Captain,
When I got home I found that my father's brick silo had been struck by lightning, knocking some of the bricks off at the top. I decided to fix the silo, and so I rigged up a beam, with a pulley and whip at the top of the silo, and hoisted a couple of barrels full of bricks to the top. When I got through fixing the silo there were a lot of bricks left over.
I hoisted the barrel back up again, secured the line at the bottom, and then went up and filled the barrel with extra bricks. Then I went down to the bottom and cast off the line.
Unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was heavier than I was and before I knew what was happening, the barrel started down and jerked me off the ground. I decided to hang on, and halfway up I met the barrel coming down and received a severe blow on the shoulder. I then continued on up to the top, banging my head against the beam and getting my fingers jammed in the pulley.
When the barrel hit the ground it busted the bottom, allowing all the bricks to spill out. I was now heavier than the barrel and so started down again at high speed. Halfway down I again met the barrel and received severe injuries to my shins. When I hit the ground I landed on the bricks, getting numerous painful cuts from the sharp edges.
At this point I must have lost my presence of mind because I let go of the rope. The barrel then came down and struck me another heavy blow on the head, putting me in the hospital for three days.
Respectfully request five days extension of leave.
JOHN DOE
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Date: 2006-01-16 10:18 am (UTC)still makes me giggle though
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Date: 2006-01-16 10:26 am (UTC)