Another Day, Another Year...

[plural]

I turned thirty about 4 minute ago

not quite sure how I feel

according to my mother I'm no longer trustworthy
[a reference to her hippy days]
[in the glorius 60s and 70s]
[where it was said "you couldnt trust anyone over 30"]

Of course I protested saying

"As if I ever was"

I've been gone from here a long time
and I'm not quite sure I'm ready to come back
but
I figured a momenteus occasion such as this
at least deserved an entry

turning thirty

in my general philosophy
is no big deal

I've never believed in celebrating my own birthday
it is a fact that I was born, and that is sufficent

but I suppose in another way
turning thirty is somewhat significant

as a child
turning thirty was beyond my comprehension
in fact prior to the last couple of years
I was fairly confident that'd I'd never live to see this day

given my general disposition towards taking risks
the odds were long indeed

so here I sit
wasting the few hours I have allotted myself for sleep
trying to put a finger on this thing
this ellusive twitch
which echoes inside me

thirty years

sounds like a long time
yet seems only a flash in the pan

I wonder how my fifteen year old self
would react to hearing how my life turned out

not that I have any complaints
for the most part I'm pretty happy
with what I have done and accomplished

sure many things havent happened how I expected or planned
and god knows these thirty years
have not been without a significant price
in blood and humanity

I suppose in my mind

there is something of a meaningless significance to it all

thirty

thirty

like it demands some tribute

or atleast

to grow the fuck up

but I remain

a coward hiding behind my own courage
striving to overcome outwardly
so that I can avoid the reality within

bah fuck it

even I dont know what I am rambling on about now
so
without making any sense or even approaching a point

I'll take my leave of you

love love

your plural

Comments

[tydestra.livejournal.com]

I mocked you with my youth when you told me when we met which, by the way... you was supposed to write about :scoffs:

But alas, happy birthday cheri.