Fuckups squared
Jul. 22nd, 2005 09:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plural[rant]
Fuckups by fuckups
whats the world coming to...
This horrific tale of human incompetence
begins with the simple act of shipping a package
the shipper went to a local UPS store in Seattle
on
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
where they called me to confirm my personal information
and determine how quickly I needed the package shipped
I spoke to the UPS employee there
and gave them the necessary information for shipping and clearing customs
and said I needed the package no later than
Monday, July 18th, 2005
he confirmed all the information
and about ten minutes later
I received and email from UPS
the email provided my tracking number
and gave an expected delivery date of
Monday, July 18th, 2005
so everything looks kosher
and I relax
unknown to me this incompetent meatbag
turned around and instead of shipping it by air
tossed in on a truck to be shipped by ground
so monday comes and goes
and no package
so I go to the website
enter in my tracking number
and where might my package be?
fucking Illinois
I call UPS
where I am informed of said fuckup by said fuckup
and am told the package is scheduled to arrive
Friday, July 22nd, 2005 before noon
I balk at this, saying it simply isnt acceptable
get transferred to a supervisor
still get nowhere
they take my number and promise to have their supervisor call me back
when that supervisor called me
I started running options by them
can we yank the package out
and reship it via air
no
can we change the destination
and deliver it to my friend in chicago
who can then reship it to me
no
can my friend in chicago drive out to pick it up
and then reship it to me
no
what can we do?
nothing, it will arrive friday before noon
*sigh*
not much I can do right
so
fuck it, I curse and let it go
sometimes life just goes its own way
so I pace and pace
all freaking week
waiting for friday to come
so I can get my package
today, you might be aware
is that specific friday
and about four pm
I start getting nervous
so I call UPS
apparently UPS doesnt deliver out here
they contract another service
I manage to get their number
and contact them
now UPS has already told me
that the package went out on a truck at 9:32 this morning
and I've been sitting at home
all damn day waiting for it
but no fucking package
they assure me it will be delivered
no later than 7pm
you got to be fucking kidding me
I barely refrain from screaming
instead thanking the woman on the phone politely
for her fairly considerable effort on my behalf
and return to the wait
six, then six thirty, then seven come and go
I call back
guess what, the local office isnt answering their phone
I call the company headquarters
they assure me that the warehouse is open till nine pm
so I get the address
look it up online
drive out there
where I am greeted by a security guard
with the phrase
"So, you're the cleaning fellow ay?"
no, I calmly reply, I am not the cleaning fellow
I am here to pick up a package
he says well, the office is closed and everyone went home
[early I might add]
I smile the best smile I could manage, given my level of frustration
refrain from ripping off his head and shitting down his neck
simply because the poor bastard is the only person within arms reach
I manage to convince him this is of some import
so he calls the manager on his cellphone
talks to him for a minute and hands the phone to me
The managers first response and tone
is that of being obviously unpleased
to have his weekend interrupted
and basically tells me to fuck of in manager-ese
after several varied attempts to explain the situation
he finally grasps that this is his company's fuckup
and maybe just maybe he should take some initiative to fix it
so he promises to call me back
and in about ten minutes does so
tells me that my package
was giving to a service they contract to do deliveries
but he doesnt have their phone number
and one of his employees is on the way to the office
to help try to track them down
I am told to expect him in about thirty minutes
Smiling that genteel smile I was bred to perfect
as a mask to hide any emotion behind
I thanked him for his efforts
The employee which came in
I'll give some credit to because
he was there in ten minutes not thirty
and had his shit pretty well wired
he walked me through their warehouse
to double check that the package had not been returned
then started calling people at this other delivery service
to find out where it was
we find out which truck it is on
but the guy at the company doesnt have a number
for the driver of the truck
but promises to call around to see what he can do and call us back
sure enough, about ten minutes later he calls back
to inform us that
The driver, we'll call him "Billie" cause thats the meatbag's name
and I'm not exactly feeling kind enough to disguise his identity
could not manage the simple fucking task of driving places and delivering parcels
and was not able to deliver all of the packages he was given today
did he take responsibility for his inefficiency
and keep working till the job was done?
what? miss beer thirty? I dont think so
instead he went back to his parents house
where he lives, I envision, in some dank basement room
cluttered with low quality porn from the seventies
and littered with slightly used tissues
unloads the parcels he was unable to deliver
into a locked storage room
and goes out to parts unknown
to go drinking with his buddies
oh and the packages?
well he can return them to the warehouse on monday
what you were expecting it today? sorry
The manager of the warehouse I am at calls back
takes my cell number and promises to call me as soon as they locate him
and that he will make arrangements to get my package to me
at that time
what can I do? I thank him for his effort
smile with genuine kindness to the poor sap
who had to drive back to work on a friday evening
to make the attempt to fix a problem created
because old billie there, couldnt be bothered to do his job
and thank him for his efforts
get in my car and drive home
so
it is now 10:22pm
and I bet you can guess it
yup
no fucking package
so much for before noon
*sigh*
The next UPS man I see is going to get a serious kick in the balls
I know it is probably not his fault, but someone needs an ass whipping
I cant tell all those brown clad fuckers apart
and anyway, I'm sure he has fucked up someone else package
so even if I dont know what he personally did to deserve it
he will
*grumble*
*grumble*
*grumble*
*deep breathe*
ok
[/rant]
I'm gonna go relax, have a smoke and cuddle with my kitties
and tattoo "Always ship Fed-Ex" on the inside of my thigh
10:55pm Edit:
I just received a phone call from Billies boss
the owner of the company
he was calling from outside my house
with my package
it is in my hands now
and I'm feeling much better
although I'm a little peeved at mother
because I gave her specific instructions
to insure it for 1200$
where she listed the value as 5$
and shipped it without insurance entirely
but upon inspection
everything is as it should be
so I suppose I'll let that one slide
what a freaking ordeal
Fuckups by fuckups
whats the world coming to...
This horrific tale of human incompetence
begins with the simple act of shipping a package
the shipper went to a local UPS store in Seattle
on
Thursday, July 14th, 2005
where they called me to confirm my personal information
and determine how quickly I needed the package shipped
I spoke to the UPS employee there
and gave them the necessary information for shipping and clearing customs
and said I needed the package no later than
Monday, July 18th, 2005
he confirmed all the information
and about ten minutes later
I received and email from UPS
the email provided my tracking number
and gave an expected delivery date of
Monday, July 18th, 2005
so everything looks kosher
and I relax
unknown to me this incompetent meatbag
turned around and instead of shipping it by air
tossed in on a truck to be shipped by ground
so monday comes and goes
and no package
so I go to the website
enter in my tracking number
and where might my package be?
fucking Illinois
I call UPS
where I am informed of said fuckup by said fuckup
and am told the package is scheduled to arrive
Friday, July 22nd, 2005 before noon
I balk at this, saying it simply isnt acceptable
get transferred to a supervisor
still get nowhere
they take my number and promise to have their supervisor call me back
when that supervisor called me
I started running options by them
can we yank the package out
and reship it via air
no
can we change the destination
and deliver it to my friend in chicago
who can then reship it to me
no
can my friend in chicago drive out to pick it up
and then reship it to me
no
what can we do?
nothing, it will arrive friday before noon
*sigh*
not much I can do right
so
fuck it, I curse and let it go
sometimes life just goes its own way
so I pace and pace
all freaking week
waiting for friday to come
so I can get my package
today, you might be aware
is that specific friday
and about four pm
I start getting nervous
so I call UPS
apparently UPS doesnt deliver out here
they contract another service
I manage to get their number
and contact them
now UPS has already told me
that the package went out on a truck at 9:32 this morning
and I've been sitting at home
all damn day waiting for it
but no fucking package
they assure me it will be delivered
no later than 7pm
you got to be fucking kidding me
I barely refrain from screaming
instead thanking the woman on the phone politely
for her fairly considerable effort on my behalf
and return to the wait
six, then six thirty, then seven come and go
I call back
guess what, the local office isnt answering their phone
I call the company headquarters
they assure me that the warehouse is open till nine pm
so I get the address
look it up online
drive out there
where I am greeted by a security guard
with the phrase
"So, you're the cleaning fellow ay?"
no, I calmly reply, I am not the cleaning fellow
I am here to pick up a package
he says well, the office is closed and everyone went home
[early I might add]
I smile the best smile I could manage, given my level of frustration
refrain from ripping off his head and shitting down his neck
simply because the poor bastard is the only person within arms reach
I manage to convince him this is of some import
so he calls the manager on his cellphone
talks to him for a minute and hands the phone to me
The managers first response and tone
is that of being obviously unpleased
to have his weekend interrupted
and basically tells me to fuck of in manager-ese
after several varied attempts to explain the situation
he finally grasps that this is his company's fuckup
and maybe just maybe he should take some initiative to fix it
so he promises to call me back
and in about ten minutes does so
tells me that my package
was giving to a service they contract to do deliveries
but he doesnt have their phone number
and one of his employees is on the way to the office
to help try to track them down
I am told to expect him in about thirty minutes
Smiling that genteel smile I was bred to perfect
as a mask to hide any emotion behind
I thanked him for his efforts
The employee which came in
I'll give some credit to because
he was there in ten minutes not thirty
and had his shit pretty well wired
he walked me through their warehouse
to double check that the package had not been returned
then started calling people at this other delivery service
to find out where it was
we find out which truck it is on
but the guy at the company doesnt have a number
for the driver of the truck
but promises to call around to see what he can do and call us back
sure enough, about ten minutes later he calls back
to inform us that
The driver, we'll call him "Billie" cause thats the meatbag's name
and I'm not exactly feeling kind enough to disguise his identity
could not manage the simple fucking task of driving places and delivering parcels
and was not able to deliver all of the packages he was given today
did he take responsibility for his inefficiency
and keep working till the job was done?
what? miss beer thirty? I dont think so
instead he went back to his parents house
where he lives, I envision, in some dank basement room
cluttered with low quality porn from the seventies
and littered with slightly used tissues
unloads the parcels he was unable to deliver
into a locked storage room
and goes out to parts unknown
to go drinking with his buddies
oh and the packages?
well he can return them to the warehouse on monday
what you were expecting it today? sorry
The manager of the warehouse I am at calls back
takes my cell number and promises to call me as soon as they locate him
and that he will make arrangements to get my package to me
at that time
what can I do? I thank him for his effort
smile with genuine kindness to the poor sap
who had to drive back to work on a friday evening
to make the attempt to fix a problem created
because old billie there, couldnt be bothered to do his job
and thank him for his efforts
get in my car and drive home
so
it is now 10:22pm
and I bet you can guess it
yup
no fucking package
so much for before noon
*sigh*
The next UPS man I see is going to get a serious kick in the balls
I know it is probably not his fault, but someone needs an ass whipping
I cant tell all those brown clad fuckers apart
and anyway, I'm sure he has fucked up someone else package
so even if I dont know what he personally did to deserve it
he will
*grumble*
*grumble*
*grumble*
*deep breathe*
ok
[/rant]
I'm gonna go relax, have a smoke and cuddle with my kitties
and tattoo "Always ship Fed-Ex" on the inside of my thigh
10:55pm Edit:
I just received a phone call from Billies boss
the owner of the company
he was calling from outside my house
with my package
it is in my hands now
and I'm feeling much better
although I'm a little peeved at mother
because I gave her specific instructions
to insure it for 1200$
where she listed the value as 5$
and shipped it without insurance entirely
but upon inspection
everything is as it should be
so I suppose I'll let that one slide
what a freaking ordeal
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-07-23 01:55 am (UTC)Honey, I live in Sydney
no subject
Date: 2005-07-23 01:58 am (UTC)HELLO you are further away from me than outer space
no subject
Date: 2005-07-23 02:13 am (UTC)I know darling, I just couldnt resist
and as for the other
I'm working on a fair grand scheme
which if it happens
will make such a side trip
far more possible