![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pluralThere are two things I require most from my friends, particularly in real life, although it applies to you folks here as well.
The first is discretion, I expect that what I share with you, stays with you, period.
[yes there are certain exceptions and you know who you are]
The second is far more important
Perspective.
If you are as fortunate to be considered my friend, do not hold back your thoughts. To me, one of the main benefits of friends is to have someone to tell you what others wont. Our friendship will never be harmed by your sharing your thoughts. Even if I vehemently disagree with what you say, I will only respect you further for giving me the straight juice from your perspective, because that takes balls, and because you have nothing to gain from it (directly) so to me it shows that you care enough to do something difficult because you are my friend.
That doesnt mean I will agree with it, but only that I will listen and not become upset with you no matter what it is.
More than likely, I will say something along the lines of:
"Thank you for sharing your perspective, if you do not mind, I would like some time to absorb what you have said before responding."
In return for your openness, I promise to really listen to what you have to say and give it due consideration.
[again I do not promise to agree or even alter my behavior as a result, although many have been surprised when I do]
For those of you here specifically.
If you ever feel like you need to say something, but are not sure of how it will be responded to, I hope I have answered that question.
If you feel it is particularly delicate, put it in a post secured to me only and drop me a link in a comment to make sure I dont miss it.
Also, on a related note, I've heard from many people that they often times do not know what to say to a particular post of mine, usually these are emotional or introspective posts, in such cases, I do not expect you to have an answer or a solution, so feel free to just share whatever thoughts were provoked by the post, or if you just want to let me know you read it, post a lil ":)".
While I dont dwell on it, it can be a little frustrating to spend five hours pouring my heart out into a post, and have it receive little to no response, while a meme or other trivial post receives 20 comments. Sometimes it would just be nice to know if it was being read.
Just a nickel, spend it however you like
edit:a clarification, yall can lurk all ya like, do not feel you have to respond to every or any post, the point of this post was more that if you feel the need to say something, do not refrain because you worry it will offend or upset me."
The first is discretion, I expect that what I share with you, stays with you, period.
[yes there are certain exceptions and you know who you are]
The second is far more important
Perspective.
If you are as fortunate to be considered my friend, do not hold back your thoughts. To me, one of the main benefits of friends is to have someone to tell you what others wont. Our friendship will never be harmed by your sharing your thoughts. Even if I vehemently disagree with what you say, I will only respect you further for giving me the straight juice from your perspective, because that takes balls, and because you have nothing to gain from it (directly) so to me it shows that you care enough to do something difficult because you are my friend.
That doesnt mean I will agree with it, but only that I will listen and not become upset with you no matter what it is.
More than likely, I will say something along the lines of:
"Thank you for sharing your perspective, if you do not mind, I would like some time to absorb what you have said before responding."
In return for your openness, I promise to really listen to what you have to say and give it due consideration.
[again I do not promise to agree or even alter my behavior as a result, although many have been surprised when I do]
For those of you here specifically.
If you ever feel like you need to say something, but are not sure of how it will be responded to, I hope I have answered that question.
If you feel it is particularly delicate, put it in a post secured to me only and drop me a link in a comment to make sure I dont miss it.
Also, on a related note, I've heard from many people that they often times do not know what to say to a particular post of mine, usually these are emotional or introspective posts, in such cases, I do not expect you to have an answer or a solution, so feel free to just share whatever thoughts were provoked by the post, or if you just want to let me know you read it, post a lil ":)".
While I dont dwell on it, it can be a little frustrating to spend five hours pouring my heart out into a post, and have it receive little to no response, while a meme or other trivial post receives 20 comments. Sometimes it would just be nice to know if it was being read.
Just a nickel, spend it however you like
edit:a clarification, yall can lurk all ya like, do not feel you have to respond to every or any post, the point of this post was more that if you feel the need to say something, do not refrain because you worry it will offend or upset me."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-27 03:43 pm (UTC)As for the screening, I am reluctant to do so, as I like to encourage interacton between individuals. I am not sure if you have the ability to screen your own comments, but if not, I'd be happy to screen them if you request it. Alternately you could post it secured in your own journal and let me know so I could read it and respond if desired.
Being open is incredibly difficult, something I struggle with daily and really only succeed here for the most part.
Lastly, and this goes for everyone, lurk away, do not feel you have to respond to every or any post, the point of this was more that if you feel the need to say something, do not refrain because you worry it will offend or upset me.