Life is just a distraction

[plural]

I've come to a realization lately
working as much as I did
was my crutch

it allowed me to have so little time to live
that I could ignore everything and
merely enjoy what little free time
I had

In turn, I forgot what a mess I am
why I was so driven to work
and to fill my time
that I never had an idle moment
to ponder

but it was a necessary distraction

having nothing but time
as I do now
has only left me to face
all that I have avoided for so many years

my problem has always been
an inability to turn it off
my head
my heart

one keeps me up thinking all night
the other never lets me let go

sure I get by
most of the time

the ugly truth is that I never get over anyone
any woman I've ever loved
I still do

even the ones who I'd prefer never to see again

that is reality
recognizing that regardless of how I feel
something isnt to be
but
that doesnt change how I feel

the blonde that hit me with a cast iron skillet
is not healthy for me to be around
but I still love her

everything else is just a distraction

blonde? brunette? redhead?
punk rock girl?

just distractions

just escapism

a plank to help me avoid the muddy spots

speaking of which

I had a wonderful time last night
dancing and drinking
flirting and chatting
setting the town on fire

a needed distraction to be sure
but in the end
I could not see it as but that
and so I remained the gentleman
said my farewells
with a kiss upon each cheek
and took my sorry ass to bed.

sure it wasnt the same sort of escapism
nor did it grant me that blissful sleep
but
for the moment
for now

it will suffice