(no subject)
Apr. 19th, 2005 08:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pluralfinally slept
the dead sleep of utter exhaustion
that is more being unconscious
than actual sleep
the mind rules the body
it is a cruel master
after several days of such maltreatment
my body revolts and shuts down
after the five or six hours
it took me to compose that last post
there was no will in my mind
to resist
so I collapsed
I awoke a few hours ago
reached instinctively for that bottle
which has kept me such good company
these past weeks
and
lit a smoke
pausing to recognize the music
still playing from before
"Like a ghost - is the curtain
in the white light of the morning -
Dancing in the morning
are you there - are you there?
And a shadow - like a sadness
falling all across the garden
Dancing in the garden
are you there, are you there?
Shine on, friend. Goodnight
Why then then darkening of the light
And the leaves at my feet
whisper sounds so familiar -
are you there? Are you there?
Where the clouds pull apart
and the moon changes faces
in the quiet secret places
are you there? Are you there?"
not really
I absently replied
and looked outside
to see if it was true
glimpsing the last rays of dusk
as evening fell
dark fades to grey
and
grey to black
never do I reach the light
been reading over my post
again and again
something which struck me
perhaps it is the reason for my unsubsiding melancholy
these past weeks, months
it has been eight months
since I allowed myself that refuge
since I permitted myself
to fall in to the grasp of that oblivion
reserved for a womans arms
eight months since
in disgust I forbade that shallow refuge
all this time away at sea
has taken it toll
and I long for naught
save a safe harbor
but what is the greater evil
I wonder
things look much different now
on this side of
goodbye
the dead sleep of utter exhaustion
that is more being unconscious
than actual sleep
the mind rules the body
it is a cruel master
after several days of such maltreatment
my body revolts and shuts down
after the five or six hours
it took me to compose that last post
there was no will in my mind
to resist
so I collapsed
I awoke a few hours ago
reached instinctively for that bottle
which has kept me such good company
these past weeks
and
lit a smoke
pausing to recognize the music
still playing from before
"Like a ghost - is the curtain
in the white light of the morning -
Dancing in the morning
are you there - are you there?
And a shadow - like a sadness
falling all across the garden
Dancing in the garden
are you there, are you there?
Shine on, friend. Goodnight
Why then then darkening of the light
And the leaves at my feet
whisper sounds so familiar -
are you there? Are you there?
Where the clouds pull apart
and the moon changes faces
in the quiet secret places
are you there? Are you there?"
not really
I absently replied
and looked outside
to see if it was true
glimpsing the last rays of dusk
as evening fell
dark fades to grey
and
grey to black
never do I reach the light
been reading over my post
again and again
something which struck me
perhaps it is the reason for my unsubsiding melancholy
these past weeks, months
it has been eight months
since I allowed myself that refuge
since I permitted myself
to fall in to the grasp of that oblivion
reserved for a womans arms
eight months since
in disgust I forbade that shallow refuge
all this time away at sea
has taken it toll
and I long for naught
save a safe harbor
but what is the greater evil
I wonder
things look much different now
on this side of
goodbye
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 01:17 am (UTC)"the mind rules the body
it is a cruel master"
as
"the mind rules the body
it is a cruel hamster"
oi
no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 01:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 02:31 am (UTC)It sounds like you may have slipped off your tightrope again and are currently in free fall.
I'm sure you've already looked into these things but I feel obligated to suggest some vitamin B6 and hypericum. I know they don't give you the oblivion that alcohol and sex gives you but they put some ground beneath your mental feet.
BTW, I managed to find myself a lovely B&B in the south end of Boston - not Omni Parker house but apparently well known for excellent european coffee. I'll be there on the 6th of next month.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-20 07:47 pm (UTC)I especially like your closing lines. Those words are in a song my mom used to play when I was little. And you want to know this not at all. ;-)