I am a selfish bastard...

[plural]

but more importantly

I believe I am a better man for it.

This post of weetanya got me thinking, and as is my custom when a response rambles beyond the scope of decency with regard to another's journal, I move it here.

In her post, she asks what is the "coolest thing you have ever done for another person"

I thought about it
I left the post open in another window so I could come back to it
and finally gave up

unable to recall a single act of kindness, friendship or compassion.

Does this mean I am a heartless bastard?

Well, I have been saying it for years but no one ever seems to believe me.

In my experience, those of you who know me fairly well in particular, will most likely object, perhaps even mention a circumstance where I displayed kindness, friendship or compassion.

Now what is particularly odd to me, is that I can remember people thanking me for being there for them, praising me to others for my kindness and compassion, but I can not for the life of me remember the acts which I was praised for.

I think the discrepancy in my memory comes entirely from an entirely different perspective on life.

I have never in my life done something "for" someone else, everything I ever do, ever will do, I do for myself and my beliefs.

I am there for my family and my friends, not out of some sense of debt, obligation, kindness or compassion. I invest the time, and energy because I benefit greatly from the connection and relationship that is formed and sustained by such acts.

I place great value on truly connected relationships, so for me, dropping everything to console a friend, or making a personal sacrifice to help resolve a crisis, is not a selfless act, but a selfish one. In my perspective, I reap great dividends in the form of closer and richer relationships in exchange for my investments of kindness and compassion, of time and energy.

That said, I do not view each individual situation with a particularly mercenary lense, but rather the overall relationship. If I find that a friendship is continually requiring investment on my part, without returning dividends, then I sever it. Relationships must be two-way, give and take, I would not consider that a mercenary perspective, but rather a realistic one.

What this comes down to I think, is that where another person may perceive two categories of their actions, being selfish and selfless acts, I perceive only one. Where someone else may view something as a great inconvenience or sacrifice, I view it simply as the business of my relationships, something that I must do to maintain my quality of life.

I suppose in a way, I could liken it to having two jobs, one which provides for my financial needs, and another which provides for my emotional needs. So to my mind, I was just doing my job, a job that I enjoy, and earning that emotional and social paycheck which greatly enriches my life.

To me, simply doing my job, taking care of the business of my life, is entirely unremarkable.

Comments

[lamotocyclette.livejournal.com]

Exactly.
And no, I was nothing but flattered by your earlier post.
Sorry I missed your call.