Way Too Much Information
Dec. 14th, 2003 10:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plural[so in the process of looking for a good host for the previous troll]
[I have been checking out some singles sites]
[and they have a bunch of questions for you to answer]
[some of which I found amusing and thought I would share with you here]
How would you describe your personality?
Confident and assured bordering on cocky, brilliant, humorous and irreverent
What are your primary interests, hobbies and favorite things to do alone or with a companion?
I greatly enjoy photography, I tend to travel quite frequently,
I love books and do not watch television, my two great loves are sailing and my ducati
If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?
I would be more mortal, being good at everything and succeeding easily can get fairly boring
What, if anything, have you learned from previous relationships?
That a relationship must be served separately from your partner.
You must take care of yourself, your partner and your relationship.
Describe something you would like to do but have never done.
Sail around the world, and I will do so
How do you feel about tattoos or piercings on yourself or on your partner?
I have a piercing [you'll have to guess where] but no tattoos.
on a partner discreet or tasteful tattoos and piercings are appealing
Do you use birth control products or condoms regularly? If not, why not?
Yes, safe sex is essential to basic health and I am also not interested in any unintended children
What are your feelings about abortion?
I could never be in the situation, so do not feel I can really understand the pressures a woman would have to be under to make such a decision.
Obviously I think it is something to be avoided where possible, but I do not feel that I really am able to make a value judgment
on something that I can neither experience or truly understand.
What´s the biggest thing you would like a potential partner to possess?
Big Honking Gazoombas.
no seriously, a mind, intelligence is a rare thing these days, a literate and intelligent woman goes a long way with me.
And with regards to the tits, I actually prefer smaller breasted women, with fabulous legs.
What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you?
So there I was, standing on the frozen tundra, with a dead nun in one hand...
my life is a series of entirely too funny moments.
If I had a dollar for every time someone said "I don't know why I am telling you this but..."
I would own bill gates.
I have had the joy of listening to someone explain the best methods for screwing sheep,
which in case you didn't know, is to put their back feet in a pair of galoshes so they cant run away or kick back.
Yeah I really didn't need to know that either.
and the other day
I was simultaneously hit on and panhandled by a deaf mute and flamboyantly homosexual man.
He was successful in panhandling [I pretty much always am willing to give away my change]
but not to be deterred by my demurrals with regards to hooking up.
I managed to retreat back to my car and drive off, only to nearly cause an accident from laughing so hard
when I spied him in my rear view mirror, blocking rush hour traffic on a major street to wave and blow kisses at my rapidly retreating car.
Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Why?
neither, although when I wear underwear it is boxers.
Briefs are just too cramped to be comfortable.
What does ´sex appeal´ mean to you?
confidence and intelligence, with charm and grace being a close second.
A person can be attractive but without those they will never be sexy
Who is the person you would most like to have dinner with?
Fidel Castro, so we can finish discussing my succession to the position of dictator of Cuba,
but he wont return my calls after I poisoned his soup during our last negotiations
What goal(s) do you have? How will you make them come true?
You mean besides becoming dictator of Cuba?
I want to become god, I figure I am close enough now and besides some other Jewish kid made it, why cant I?
In the mean time, I want to sail around the world, and am working on the design of a boat at the moment.
On a scale of 1 to 10, (with 10 the MOST important) how important is sex to you? Why?
15, but not just sex, physical intimacy with my partner is incredibly important to me.
When I was fifteen, I was sneaking into a friends house with said friend,
we heard a strange noise in the living room and turned on the lights,
his parents were half naked and making out on the couch.
That is what I want to be doing after twenty years of marriage.
If you have opinions about STD testing, please describe them here.
Essential, I have been tested every six months since I became sexually active, and will continue to be so until I am married.
How important is sex in your relationship(s)?
Very
How often do you like to have sex?
Twice a day, three to four times on weekends
Do you enjoy sex more at a specific time of day or is anytime OK with you?
every time is good for me
How would you describe your past sex life?
Damn Skippy.
Under what circumstances would you sleep with someone on the first date?
Umm, I am a guy
Have you ever played with toys or used sexual aids? If so, which ones and how did you use them?
Yep and I got the T-shirt
What is your favorite sexual position? Why?
Spooning, because it provides access to so much of my partners body to play with, back, sides, breasts, legs, its all there to touch.
Woman on Top because a woman in control, going after what she wants is very sexy
What kinds of sexy clothing or undergarments do you like to wear? What kinds would you like your partner to wear?
anything that will look good on my floor the next morning
Have you ever visited an X-Rated sex shop? Who did you go with? Did you purchase anything? What was it?
Umm, I am a guy
What was your best or worst experience on a ´blind´ date?
I don't do blind dates, you want to set me up, throw a party and invite us both, if we click good deal,
if not everyone still has a good time and no awkward pressure when I don't think your sister is hot
Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship? What happened? Was it worth it?
Nope, had opportunities but never will do it.
It is all about self respect to me.
No piece of tail is worth ruining my integrity.
What is your favorite pick-up line?
I eat my peas with honey
I've done so all my life
I eat my peas with honey
cause it keeps em on my knife
wanna fuck?
What´s your favorite way to seduce someone or have someone seduce you?
Seduce me? I'm a guy, just answer the door naked
Seducing others? hmm not really a cookie cutter one size fits all kind of situation.
Tend to just go with whatever works and feels comfortable
What are your favorite sexual activities?
How about you block out a weekend and I will show you
Do you enjoy giving and/or receiving oral sex? Who is usually the aggressor, you or your partner?
Very much, there isn't much I find sexier than watching my partner get off.
I am usually the "Aggressor" but a girl that knows what she wants and goes after it is quite a turn on
Can you achieve orgasm most or every time you have a sexual encounter? How important is it for your partner to also achieve orgasm?
Again, I am a guy, we rarely fail at such things.
Having my partner orgasm is of primary importance to me.
Recess isn't over till everybody gets their cookies
To what extent have you experimented with Bondage & Discipline or S&M?
Its amusing and fun, but not something I need in my day to day sex life.
What is your most secret sexual fantasy?
It would hardly be most secret if I went about blabbing it on the Internet,
besides the last time I went sharing delicate sexual fantasies,
I was accosted by the UN for months
What is your favorite outdoor sexual fantasy?
Sex ... Outdoors, how complicated is that?
it is good fun to do the things you do indoors ... outdoors,
but I wouldn't say it deserves its own category of sexual fantasies
What´s your all-time record for sex in one day?
alone or with a partner?
bada bing bada boom
well it depends how you define sex,
I have spent an entire weekend having sex, and pretty much only having sex.
So would that count as having sex once or many times?
Which reminds me kiddies, having sex while cooking can be very dangerous, only attempt with an experienced professional.
I also have spent an entire day shopping with a girlfriend and having sex in every dressing room along the way,
and while I wasn't counting, I know we were kicked out of at least four of the stores.
How do others usually describe your best sexual asset(s)?
Hold on, let me call gallup and arrange for a poll.
If you could invent a love potion, what would the ingredients be?
I am an excellent cook, I make love potions nearly every day and call them dinner
What would you like to have happen if you were involved in group sex?
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, not really what I am into.
I am an intensity junkie when it comes to sex, I want it to be as intense as possible,
I have found adding additional people diffuses the intensity that can be had between two people.
Sure it can be fun and a nice diversion but file it under "fun and games".
If you could pay someone well for sex, what would they look like, how much would you pay and what would you want them to do?
Couldn't do it, a professional could never get me off, well unless they were an Oscar caliber actress but even then I doubt it.
You just cant fake necessity, sure they can babble on about it, but either you just absolutely have to have every ounce of the person you are with or you don't,
its pretty easy to tell either way.
I devour people in bed, I want to experience and know every last inch of their body and want the reverse as well.
A professional just cant fake that sort of hunger.
What is the kinkiest or most outrageous sexual experience you´ve ever had?
So there I was, standing on the frozen tundra,
with a dead nun in one hand and a severed kangaroo penis in the other,
thinking
"I just can't go through with this"
seriously, kinky and outrageous are too subjective,
what some consider blase others consider way to risque.
I am pretty much willing to try anything that would get my partner off
that doesn't include blood, feces, urine or serious bodily harm
How honest have you been answering these questions?
Save a little irreverrence for my own amusement, entirely
[I have been checking out some singles sites]
[and they have a bunch of questions for you to answer]
[some of which I found amusing and thought I would share with you here]
How would you describe your personality?
Confident and assured bordering on cocky, brilliant, humorous and irreverent
What are your primary interests, hobbies and favorite things to do alone or with a companion?
I greatly enjoy photography, I tend to travel quite frequently,
I love books and do not watch television, my two great loves are sailing and my ducati
If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?
I would be more mortal, being good at everything and succeeding easily can get fairly boring
What, if anything, have you learned from previous relationships?
That a relationship must be served separately from your partner.
You must take care of yourself, your partner and your relationship.
Describe something you would like to do but have never done.
Sail around the world, and I will do so
How do you feel about tattoos or piercings on yourself or on your partner?
I have a piercing [you'll have to guess where] but no tattoos.
on a partner discreet or tasteful tattoos and piercings are appealing
Do you use birth control products or condoms regularly? If not, why not?
Yes, safe sex is essential to basic health and I am also not interested in any unintended children
What are your feelings about abortion?
I could never be in the situation, so do not feel I can really understand the pressures a woman would have to be under to make such a decision.
Obviously I think it is something to be avoided where possible, but I do not feel that I really am able to make a value judgment
on something that I can neither experience or truly understand.
What´s the biggest thing you would like a potential partner to possess?
Big Honking Gazoombas.
no seriously, a mind, intelligence is a rare thing these days, a literate and intelligent woman goes a long way with me.
And with regards to the tits, I actually prefer smaller breasted women, with fabulous legs.
What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you?
So there I was, standing on the frozen tundra, with a dead nun in one hand...
my life is a series of entirely too funny moments.
If I had a dollar for every time someone said "I don't know why I am telling you this but..."
I would own bill gates.
I have had the joy of listening to someone explain the best methods for screwing sheep,
which in case you didn't know, is to put their back feet in a pair of galoshes so they cant run away or kick back.
Yeah I really didn't need to know that either.
and the other day
I was simultaneously hit on and panhandled by a deaf mute and flamboyantly homosexual man.
He was successful in panhandling [I pretty much always am willing to give away my change]
but not to be deterred by my demurrals with regards to hooking up.
I managed to retreat back to my car and drive off, only to nearly cause an accident from laughing so hard
when I spied him in my rear view mirror, blocking rush hour traffic on a major street to wave and blow kisses at my rapidly retreating car.
Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Why?
neither, although when I wear underwear it is boxers.
Briefs are just too cramped to be comfortable.
What does ´sex appeal´ mean to you?
confidence and intelligence, with charm and grace being a close second.
A person can be attractive but without those they will never be sexy
Who is the person you would most like to have dinner with?
Fidel Castro, so we can finish discussing my succession to the position of dictator of Cuba,
but he wont return my calls after I poisoned his soup during our last negotiations
What goal(s) do you have? How will you make them come true?
You mean besides becoming dictator of Cuba?
I want to become god, I figure I am close enough now and besides some other Jewish kid made it, why cant I?
In the mean time, I want to sail around the world, and am working on the design of a boat at the moment.
On a scale of 1 to 10, (with 10 the MOST important) how important is sex to you? Why?
15, but not just sex, physical intimacy with my partner is incredibly important to me.
When I was fifteen, I was sneaking into a friends house with said friend,
we heard a strange noise in the living room and turned on the lights,
his parents were half naked and making out on the couch.
That is what I want to be doing after twenty years of marriage.
If you have opinions about STD testing, please describe them here.
Essential, I have been tested every six months since I became sexually active, and will continue to be so until I am married.
How important is sex in your relationship(s)?
Very
How often do you like to have sex?
Twice a day, three to four times on weekends
Do you enjoy sex more at a specific time of day or is anytime OK with you?
every time is good for me
How would you describe your past sex life?
Damn Skippy.
Under what circumstances would you sleep with someone on the first date?
Umm, I am a guy
Have you ever played with toys or used sexual aids? If so, which ones and how did you use them?
Yep and I got the T-shirt
What is your favorite sexual position? Why?
Spooning, because it provides access to so much of my partners body to play with, back, sides, breasts, legs, its all there to touch.
Woman on Top because a woman in control, going after what she wants is very sexy
What kinds of sexy clothing or undergarments do you like to wear? What kinds would you like your partner to wear?
anything that will look good on my floor the next morning
Have you ever visited an X-Rated sex shop? Who did you go with? Did you purchase anything? What was it?
Umm, I am a guy
What was your best or worst experience on a ´blind´ date?
I don't do blind dates, you want to set me up, throw a party and invite us both, if we click good deal,
if not everyone still has a good time and no awkward pressure when I don't think your sister is hot
Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship? What happened? Was it worth it?
Nope, had opportunities but never will do it.
It is all about self respect to me.
No piece of tail is worth ruining my integrity.
What is your favorite pick-up line?
I eat my peas with honey
I've done so all my life
I eat my peas with honey
cause it keeps em on my knife
wanna fuck?
What´s your favorite way to seduce someone or have someone seduce you?
Seduce me? I'm a guy, just answer the door naked
Seducing others? hmm not really a cookie cutter one size fits all kind of situation.
Tend to just go with whatever works and feels comfortable
What are your favorite sexual activities?
How about you block out a weekend and I will show you
Do you enjoy giving and/or receiving oral sex? Who is usually the aggressor, you or your partner?
Very much, there isn't much I find sexier than watching my partner get off.
I am usually the "Aggressor" but a girl that knows what she wants and goes after it is quite a turn on
Can you achieve orgasm most or every time you have a sexual encounter? How important is it for your partner to also achieve orgasm?
Again, I am a guy, we rarely fail at such things.
Having my partner orgasm is of primary importance to me.
Recess isn't over till everybody gets their cookies
To what extent have you experimented with Bondage & Discipline or S&M?
Its amusing and fun, but not something I need in my day to day sex life.
What is your most secret sexual fantasy?
It would hardly be most secret if I went about blabbing it on the Internet,
besides the last time I went sharing delicate sexual fantasies,
I was accosted by the UN for months
What is your favorite outdoor sexual fantasy?
Sex ... Outdoors, how complicated is that?
it is good fun to do the things you do indoors ... outdoors,
but I wouldn't say it deserves its own category of sexual fantasies
What´s your all-time record for sex in one day?
alone or with a partner?
bada bing bada boom
well it depends how you define sex,
I have spent an entire weekend having sex, and pretty much only having sex.
So would that count as having sex once or many times?
Which reminds me kiddies, having sex while cooking can be very dangerous, only attempt with an experienced professional.
I also have spent an entire day shopping with a girlfriend and having sex in every dressing room along the way,
and while I wasn't counting, I know we were kicked out of at least four of the stores.
How do others usually describe your best sexual asset(s)?
Hold on, let me call gallup and arrange for a poll.
If you could invent a love potion, what would the ingredients be?
I am an excellent cook, I make love potions nearly every day and call them dinner
What would you like to have happen if you were involved in group sex?
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, not really what I am into.
I am an intensity junkie when it comes to sex, I want it to be as intense as possible,
I have found adding additional people diffuses the intensity that can be had between two people.
Sure it can be fun and a nice diversion but file it under "fun and games".
If you could pay someone well for sex, what would they look like, how much would you pay and what would you want them to do?
Couldn't do it, a professional could never get me off, well unless they were an Oscar caliber actress but even then I doubt it.
You just cant fake necessity, sure they can babble on about it, but either you just absolutely have to have every ounce of the person you are with or you don't,
its pretty easy to tell either way.
I devour people in bed, I want to experience and know every last inch of their body and want the reverse as well.
A professional just cant fake that sort of hunger.
What is the kinkiest or most outrageous sexual experience you´ve ever had?
So there I was, standing on the frozen tundra,
with a dead nun in one hand and a severed kangaroo penis in the other,
thinking
"I just can't go through with this"
seriously, kinky and outrageous are too subjective,
what some consider blase others consider way to risque.
I am pretty much willing to try anything that would get my partner off
that doesn't include blood, feces, urine or serious bodily harm
How honest have you been answering these questions?
Save a little irreverrence for my own amusement, entirely
