![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
plural[being bored and in a strange mood I decided to write a troll of a personal ad]
[just to see what kind of responses I would get, this is the rough draft, your feed back would be appreciated]
[also not being familiar with such things, can you recommend a good candidate site to post it on]
[it should be free at least on my end as while I am amused by this, not so much that I am willing to pay for such]
Highly attractive woman with complementary genetics and clear family medical history sought for the position of society wife.
Must be refined and sociable in public, and avoidable in private. The successful candidate must possess excellent conversational skills and situational awareness, significant poise and substantial diplomacy. Discretion in all things is an absolute must, and loyalties to and of the family must be revered above all other things.
Responsibilities include but are not limited to:
Gestation and overseeing the upbringing of my approximately fifty-six [the exact number is somewhat negotiable] future children, hiring nannies, selecting educational facilities, and keeping them out of my hair. Also will be expect to purchase appropriate gifts and arrange for quality time so that I can appear a loving and attentive father. This will only extend until their twelfth birthday at which point, in accordance with family tradition they will attend boarding school and I will take over the responsibility for interfacing with their school administrators. They will at that time be given a budget for clothing and expenses the oversight of which you be responsible of coordinating with the accountant.
Interfacing with your family and my own, sending any necessary gifts or greeting cards in a timely fashion, generally making sure we look appear loving and attentive family members.
Escorting me to various social functions, including but not limited to the Opera, Symphony, Ballet, and Reparatory Theatre, Jazz shows and Charity events. Functioning on the boards of appropriate charities, and interfacing with my administrative assistant to plan social functions, Generally making sure we appear sociable and active members of the community.
Various interactions with the public and the press to preserve and enhance our joint public image
The possession of the following traits, or the ability to learn is essential
Swimming
Horseback riding [both English and Western]
Golf
Foreign languages [pick any three]
Sailing
Scuba diving
Comfortability as a motorcycle passenger [riding your own would be a plus]
Adventurous spirit, comfortable travelling and experiencing new and different situations [not necessarily at the Ritz]
An artistic endeavor [painting, pottery, music, something along those lines]
Cultural discernment [basic familiarity with periods, styles and movements would be helpful]
As you are expected to perpetually be attractive and presentable regular trips to personal trainers, spas, and style consultants will be provided for.
The successful candidate will be primarily responsible for the decor and design of the primary residences, interfacing with interior decorators to design appealing and functional living/work spaces. I do however reserve a veto on anything determined to be kitschy or in bad taste
The successful candidate will receive a generous allowance, and expense account for the maintenance of home and family, access to the family properties, including but not limited to: The estate and the horse farm on Martha Vineyard, condos in Manhattan, and the retreats in Okanogan and Cape Breton.
Sex outside the purpose of procreation is entirely optional. I have an vigorous libido and while I would prefer to limit my sexual relationships to my wife, should this not be an interest for you, I can always take on a mistress. However any such action would be undertaken with the utmost discretion and safety and of course, only after discussing with you.
You would not be required to clean as I have a maid, but you will be responsible to oversee her activities. The kitchen is my domain, I am an excellent cook and will be responsible for preparing our meals, should this become too time consuming, I will hire a cook and reserve my endeavors for special occasions.
I pledge to be a loving, reasonably attentive, entirely brilliant and generous husband, faithful and loyal, and honest with you in all things to the highest degree possible. I will strive to make you and thereby us look good in all that I do and take special pains to avoid causing you public embarrassment or discomfort.
[just to see what kind of responses I would get, this is the rough draft, your feed back would be appreciated]
[also not being familiar with such things, can you recommend a good candidate site to post it on]
[it should be free at least on my end as while I am amused by this, not so much that I am willing to pay for such]
Highly attractive woman with complementary genetics and clear family medical history sought for the position of society wife.
Must be refined and sociable in public, and avoidable in private. The successful candidate must possess excellent conversational skills and situational awareness, significant poise and substantial diplomacy. Discretion in all things is an absolute must, and loyalties to and of the family must be revered above all other things.
Responsibilities include but are not limited to:
Gestation and overseeing the upbringing of my approximately fifty-six [the exact number is somewhat negotiable] future children, hiring nannies, selecting educational facilities, and keeping them out of my hair. Also will be expect to purchase appropriate gifts and arrange for quality time so that I can appear a loving and attentive father. This will only extend until their twelfth birthday at which point, in accordance with family tradition they will attend boarding school and I will take over the responsibility for interfacing with their school administrators. They will at that time be given a budget for clothing and expenses the oversight of which you be responsible of coordinating with the accountant.
Interfacing with your family and my own, sending any necessary gifts or greeting cards in a timely fashion, generally making sure we look appear loving and attentive family members.
Escorting me to various social functions, including but not limited to the Opera, Symphony, Ballet, and Reparatory Theatre, Jazz shows and Charity events. Functioning on the boards of appropriate charities, and interfacing with my administrative assistant to plan social functions, Generally making sure we appear sociable and active members of the community.
Various interactions with the public and the press to preserve and enhance our joint public image
The possession of the following traits, or the ability to learn is essential
Swimming
Horseback riding [both English and Western]
Golf
Foreign languages [pick any three]
Sailing
Scuba diving
Comfortability as a motorcycle passenger [riding your own would be a plus]
Adventurous spirit, comfortable travelling and experiencing new and different situations [not necessarily at the Ritz]
An artistic endeavor [painting, pottery, music, something along those lines]
Cultural discernment [basic familiarity with periods, styles and movements would be helpful]
As you are expected to perpetually be attractive and presentable regular trips to personal trainers, spas, and style consultants will be provided for.
The successful candidate will be primarily responsible for the decor and design of the primary residences, interfacing with interior decorators to design appealing and functional living/work spaces. I do however reserve a veto on anything determined to be kitschy or in bad taste
The successful candidate will receive a generous allowance, and expense account for the maintenance of home and family, access to the family properties, including but not limited to: The estate and the horse farm on Martha Vineyard, condos in Manhattan, and the retreats in Okanogan and Cape Breton.
Sex outside the purpose of procreation is entirely optional. I have an vigorous libido and while I would prefer to limit my sexual relationships to my wife, should this not be an interest for you, I can always take on a mistress. However any such action would be undertaken with the utmost discretion and safety and of course, only after discussing with you.
You would not be required to clean as I have a maid, but you will be responsible to oversee her activities. The kitchen is my domain, I am an excellent cook and will be responsible for preparing our meals, should this become too time consuming, I will hire a cook and reserve my endeavors for special occasions.
I pledge to be a loving, reasonably attentive, entirely brilliant and generous husband, faithful and loyal, and honest with you in all things to the highest degree possible. I will strive to make you and thereby us look good in all that I do and take special pains to avoid causing you public embarrassment or discomfort.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 04:37 am (UTC)Maybe you should also advertise for the opposite of the above, and see if there's a different rate of response..
Maybe try the old: "Wanted, good woman. Must be able to clean, cook, sew, dig worms and clean fish. Must have boat and motor. Please send picture of boat and motor"
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 04:45 am (UTC)but
figured too many chicks
might see through it as a troll
or think it was supposed to be funny
this I figure
should get most of their hackles up enough
that
they wont be able to think clearly enough
to actually see that it is a troll
or
I should say
I hope
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 08:48 pm (UTC)like a victorian romance novel.
no subject
Date: 2003-12-14 09:43 pm (UTC)to be appreciated
by a woman of your
virtues
is among those precious few
cherished moments
of any red blooded mans life
no subject
Date: 2003-12-15 12:22 am (UTC)You only hide behind that some because you would like to appear as a modern sensitive man. It is a perfectly legitimate proposition and SHOULD be something as blatantly discussed with anyone you court.
(though of course your mother would cover all these with her choice if you would only just let her)
Missing from the list is:
1) what the woman may do for sex if you are not enough. You are after all only a man.. and only one man at that.
2) that she must be aware of hr own needs and demands for a relationship and bring them to the negotiation up front, without intentions of sniping at you about them in the future. That any such sniping would be a breech of contract and cause her to be dismissed without additional compensation as your consort.
3) that you will take under your care and consideration her own family as well and she should either plan to eliminate contact with them altogether if they do not appreciate your position of power and respect or are tediously socially inept or should graciously accept your opinion and guidance into the best management of their lives.
4) You also did not list bonuses for the mile markers of the domestic partnership. Monetary or special favors for each successful birth.. each child into school. etc.
I'm certain there are things missing, but off the cuff I'd say it is an awesome document (and not quite the piece of fiction you are pretending for it to be).