Thou Art God

[plural]

Someone once asked me if I believed in God

To which I responded

"Absolutely ...
I had sex with him this morning"

somehow, I do not think that was the answer
they were looking for

you see

I believe

that I am god

not a god
or some god

as in some pagan or Greco-roman pantheon

but the god

the one and true god

I believe this
nay I know this with all my heart


"but he seems so normal, you never would believe he is a complete nutter"

maybe be the question
in your mind

but

I am nothing if not entirely sane
lucid
and understanding

I am God

You are God

We collectively are God

The difference between you and I
is that you deny your godliness
you fear yourself
your godliness

where I revel in mine
embrace my godliness
and
use it in joyful bliss


Let me ask you a simple question

Do you celebrate your success to the same degree you mourn your failures

Imagine a success and a failure of equal scope
which would you spend more time focusing on
thinking about?

More than likely
you dwell on your failures
it is human nature

unfortunately God does not know failure
so time spent dwelling on failure
is time separated from God
which may just be why it feels so lonely and painful

either way
doesn't it seem awfully unfair
to spend ninety percent of your life
doing things right
and ninety percent of your thoughts
worrying only about those things you did wrong

I think my glory in life
comes from the constant joy I get
for just being me

I like myself a lot
In fact
I could masturbate thinking
just about how great I am

I generally do not
because I would rather not spend
three or four days
trying to get a single orgasm
but
in concept
it is something I could do


How often do you sit alone
and just beam with joy
at the fact that you are you?

I do that all the time

In fact I don't know many people
who impress me more than myself
or at the very least
not as often


Today I was
Truly in touch with my Godliness
in most excellent form

quite surprising for a day
that started off with a dentist visit
one which I had been somewhat worried about

You see I had two reasons to be worried
the first was not only have I not been to a dentist in two years
but
the last time I went, the dentist said I needed about four fillings

the second is that I am immune to novocaine
and most of the "caine" family of painkillers
which are almost exclusively what dentists use

this means that every dental procedure I have had done
is effectively done without anesthetic

including a two day ordeal of a root canal
four channels over eight hours of time
no pain killers

although in recent years
I have been able to get nitrous
which does help me ignore the pain
quite a bit

anyway

I saw the dentist
got X-rays taken
he probed and prodded
and pronounce me clean

no cavities
no problems
see you in six months for your next cleaning

That fucking rocks

so

I was pretty stoked

I stopped off at extreme pita
grabbed lunch and returned home
to continue with the ongoing process
of setting up my house

I worked through the afternoon
enjoying the company of a particularly pleasant
conversation

moving furniture
locating various things
organizing all my art pieces in the spare bedroom
tomorrow I think I will start hanging pictures

I set up the living room
to my liking after some uncertainty
with how I should go about it

I came up with a solution
which I am quite happy with


The Living Room



as you can see the TV and my DVD collection are tucked
quietly out of the way
until needed
instead of being the focus of the room

if I wish to watch a movie
I just slide the love seat back and to the left
into the corner
and then swing the end of the television out
so that it faces the room

simple and effective

next I unpacked
and cleaned the glass
for the dining room table

arranged the bar into the
corner cabinet
and cleared out everything
that didn't belong in the dining room


Dining Room



After that is was time
it was time to get my bedroom
in order


Master Bedroom



I must admit
just making my bed
with those eight hundred thread count sheet
which I had missed so much
these past weeks
made me want to have sex
[I have sheets that]
[are so luxurious, so soft and smooth]
[you cant help but want to get]
[naked and climb between them]

I am entirely convinced that
those sheets
and their nearly identical predecessors
are significantly responsible
for convincing
at least thirty percent
of the women I have slept with
to do so

It was probably the best single piece of advice
a horny young man could ever get

"Make your bed, into a place, women want to be naked"

let me take a moment
to raise my glass of chardonnay in salute
of that brilliant bastard

somewhere in this process
I took a moment to relax
and send my mother these flowers





in honor of this Sabbath day
and as a thank you for a kindness
which she did for me recently

Then I decided
it was time to deflower my kitchen

the first thing I had to do
was to clean the dishes
as one must wash every dish
when one moves

that I started to cook

I wanted something extravagant and luxurious in taste
and sensation
but
fairly easy and convenient
and most importantly
I did not want to go to the store



so
I took a gander at what I had
and gathered the following ingredients

1 bunch baby spinach leaves
4 Italian Chicken Sausages [free range]
1 box Farfalle pasta [bow ties]
1 hand full of four varieties of gourmet olives [Queen, two variants of Kalamatas and Sun-dried Greek]
1 small dried "Ring of fire" peppers
8oz Cheddar cheese
1 small handful of feta cheese cubes
1 apple
1 pear
1 orange
1 grapefruit
1 bottle of Chardonnay [I choose a 1999 Fat Bastard Chardonnay from my cellar for tonight]

Chill wine, if it is warm place it in freezer, if already chilled
toss it in the fridge to maintain temperature

Fill large pot with water and place on stove to boil
add freshly ground sea salt and basil infused olive oil
[a dash of each is fine]

Next take the olives and arrange them in your serving dish
I happen to have a dish specifically for serving olives
because I adore them but you can use whatever
chill them in the fridge

Set aside about three olives of each type
carefully slice these into quarters length wise
remove the olive pit and place in a medium to large non stick frying pan
I used my wok because it rocks

add pepper infused olive oil
[a small dash will do]
freshly ground sea salt and black pepper
to the frying pan and then set aside

slice up the Ring of Fire pepper, into thin ring shaped slices and set aside in a small glass bowl

Next I took the fruit and the cheddar cheese to make a desert plate
I cut the apple, pear and grapefruit into quarters and the orange into eights
arranging them on the plate then I cubed the cheese and piled it in the center
covered with saran wrap and placed in the fridge

Sliced the sausage into 1/4-1/3 inch chunks
tossed in fresh ground coarse grain sea salt until lightly coats
add to frying pan with olives
toss mixture to combine evenly

place on stove over medium heat


Wash spinach leaves and set aside

Crumble the feta cheese and set aside

Add farfalle pasta to boiling water
from this point on timing becomes more crucial

T turn up up the heat on the sausage to high
stir occasionally

Wait approximately nine minutes
keeping an eye on the pasta and stirring the sausage as needed
cook pasta to taste, drain and set aside

Add Ring of Fire pepper slices to frying pan with sausage mixture
cook together for one minute, then remove from heat and set aside

Drizzle pasta with basil infused olive oil
then add spinach add toss to mix

Assemble your plate, start by adding the pasta as a base,
causally add sausage over the pasta
sprinkle to taste with feta cheese crumbles

And last but not least
remove the cork from the Chardonnay
add a few candles for ambiance
and serve an amazing meal

I took a few pictures

The wine and olives


The meal


The main course



Desert [always to be eaten first or at least concurrently]


and as usual the rest of the images can be found here

For a practiced cook all this should only take about half an hour
for the more casual cook, look to spend between 45 minutes and an hour



I sat down to eat
a truly divine meal
with each bite
a wave of pleasure
reminding me of what an
amazing, talented and blessed fellow I am

Afterwards
I put the left overs into a zip lock baggie
clean up the last bits of the kitchen
poured myself another glass of wine
and sat down to enjoy my plate of fruits and cheeses
and reflect on that greatness
which is instill in me
that quintessence of dust

my phone rings
rousing me out of my own self gratified distraction
I answer it
and it is my mother
quite thrilled with the flowers I sent

we chat for a moment
and wish each other a pleasant
Sabbath day
pass on love to the rest of the family
and I hang up the phone

simple things really

everything mentioned above
but when done with deliberation
when recognized and rejoiced
these little simple success

our little daily glories

and
when strung together
one small day of humble glories
becomes a life of happiness
success
and true connects you
with the god that you are

so remember

Thou Art God

Comments

[plural.livejournal.com]

I found one set at Nordstroms oddly enough, not sure about the other. The problem now of course is that many people sell "high thread count" sheets that arent nearly as high as they claim.

The difference is that some manufacturers use two ply threads, then count each ply in their thread count instead of each thread.

One brand that is particularly bad about this is 800 Natural. They claim 800 thread count but when independantly tested the labs rated the sheet at 387.

The next thing is that the quality of the threads is equally important, 800 thread count of polyester is going to be cheap as hell but suck, Eygptian or Pima cotton will be much more expensive but have the quality and luxury you are seeking.

If you see a sheet with a thread count over 500 really that costs less than $200, you probably do not want it. I paid close to a thousand dollars for my bedding [a single set] and it has been worth every penny