(no subject)

[plural]

this went around a while ago

saw it again in halsted's journal
thought I would post it up
since we got all sorts of new people
around here these days

SimilarMinds.com Compatibility Test

How Compatible are You with me?

Comments

[plural.livejournal.com]

yeah
it is a common fault of mine
being honest that is

always seems to get me
in trouble

and if I may pry
you said you agree with most of it

what did you not agree with
and
why?

I am the sort who appreciates dissent over agreement anyday so please do share...

Re:

[quel.livejournal.com]

Yes. You mentioned that you're not a person of absolutes, and that there are plenty of exceptions, so while I might have a couple of questions, I have no major disagreements with any of it. However, you did title the rant, "Why I will probably never get married..." which makes me wonder. Is it that you think women won't agree with your take on relationships in general, or do you have a disgagreement with the idea of marriage itself? I don't believe in marriage, but I believe in monogamy. What I mean is, I don't believe in coerced fidelity. I'll try to make this short, at the risk of simplifying too much. If I want to be with someone, and they with me, that's enough. I don't agree with financial, legal, religious and social penalties for changing your mind. It happens sometimes, just be honest about it, don't skulk around and cheat (which you touched on in an earlier rant, it all comes down to principles). If you act on your principles, you don't need the coercion of it, although the tax breaks might be nice. (Sarcasm).

[plural.livejournal.com]

well your questions
raise all sorts of answers
but I will try to address them in a logical fashion

the reason for the post title
is less about women agreeing
and more about me

I can convince women to agree to anything
but thats a different matter

as I get older I become more and more
aware of who I am and what I want from life
and relationships
I also become less interested in those things
which I do not want or willing to accept/tolerate them

In my thoughts on that subject
I have wondered if I am approaching
the critical mass point of development
where it makes it unlikely that anyone who
I would be willing to marry, would also be willing to marry me
[i.e. deal with my shit]

I do believe in marriage
not as a way to enforce monogamy
nor even for the legal establishment
I believe in marriage as a symbol
it is unnecessary absolutely
but unnecessary does not make it meaningless or valueless

I have problems with the establishment of marriage
as a civil institution, as I view that establishment
as a violation of the separation of church and state.

like you said it is about principles
if I make a commitment
then I will stand by that commitment
until death do us part
does not have an asterisk after it
with a foot note that says
unless it gets hard or something better comes along

I will never make such a commitment
unless I am confident that I can keep it
which means I am obligated to perform due diligence
rather than just cross my fingers and hope

I will grant that there are many
extenuating circumstances which can cause a divorce
but I also feel that far too many of them are petty bullshit
of new marriages over 50% fail in the first three years
the largest single issue is money problems
one person spends too much the other too little
etc etc

I just want to slap the shit out of these people

Re:

[quel.livejournal.com]

Exactly, it's a violation of the separation of church and state. Well put. I'm of the mindframe now (it could certainly change) that a certificate doesn't mean a person is more or less committed to you, largely because I don't think most people take marriage very seriously anymore. (I considered elaborating, but figured my post would get out of hand). To me, commitment means, by definition that you're there when things are hard. Perhaps I'm a bit of a cynic, but I think most people ought not to get married.

A lot of divorces happen because people don't actually think about what marriage really means. They reach a certain age, and decide that's it. It's the proper thing to do. So, of course, without any serious thought, it's easier to back out of those vows. I'm not saying I agree with it, or even that I'd never get married. I accept it's the way the majority of people think about the matter (if they realize it or not).

Belle époque

[estrie.livejournal.com]

this discussion (mainly the "establishment of marriage as a civil institution . . . as a violation of the separation of church and state" thing) reminds me of Belle époque, a Spanish movie made in 1992. If you have not seen it and don't want it ruined I guess I can't really tell you why. But basically when the republic won marriage in church didn't matter anyway and just like that they were married.

[plural.livejournal.com]

oh and feel free to toss any other questions at me as well
answering questions makes me think about things
and generally explain them in different ways
sort of a distillery of thoughts