plural

Tomorrow is Yom Kippur
well
technically
tonight and tomorrow are Yom Kippur

for those of you who are not familiar
it is a Jewish holiday and in English
roughly translates to
"The day of atonement"

basically it is a time for you to reflect upon your fuckups
and ask forgiveness for them

you ask god to forgive your trespasses against him
and you ask your fellow man to do the same

in the Jewish tradition,
you are supposed to ask anyone whom
you have wronged in the past year
to forgive you.
In practice we tend to ask everyone we know to forgive us
so that we don't miss something or someone

if someone refuses to forgive you
there is a process by which you show sincerity
and should they still refuse
then god steps in and forgives you
and leaves the rest of the mishigas
[a great Yiddish word meaning bullshit or craziness]
on the other persons shoulders

So basically, if you do it sincerely and thoroughly
day after tomorrow you should be clean and sin free
at least for the first twelve seconds after you wake up

I rather like this idea
especially as it relates to relationships
If a person in a relationship fucks up
whether it be large or small
the maximum time the other person can lord it over them
is
three hundred and sixty four days
after that
it is forgiven
and you cant go bringing it up in arguments anymore

now I realize that this definitely favours the men
in relationships over the women
which I suppose is why I like it

Women in relationships are like elephants
they never forget anything
[hopefully though that is the only way they are like elephants]

Men on the other hand
[and yes I am generalizing, so go fuck yourself you nit picky pretentious bastich]
tend not to record every slight and offense

this leaves us desperately unarmed
when in an argument our beloved other
brings up every single case of misbehaviour
we have ever committed
[often enough those prior to the relationship seem to get counted in here too]

so providing a statute of limitations of past transgressions
at the very least will dramatically shorten arguments

and women, do not worry
you will still have plenty of stuff to bring up
it just wont take several hours to complete that part of the argument anymore

but anyway
to honor the general spirit of Yom Kippur
and revalidate my get out of jail free card

If there are any of you whom I have
offended
insulted
slighted
pissed off
injured
hurt
condescended to
depreciated
or otherwise behaved in unpleasant ways to

I will now sincerely ask that you forgive me my callous behaviour
and I will do my best to avoid being such an asshole in the future