plural

I sit within
the cool evening breeze
leaning back on my chair
watching the willow tree
sway from the porch

bourbon flows through me
a hundred dollar cigar
burns slowly
near at hand

on the table lie
olive oil and balsamic vinegar
bread encrusted with provolone
behind me
two cases of wine
[my recent acquisitions]
my hands are occupied with
a most excellent book
and
my thoughts
with a most excellent woman

These small comforts of life
to which I have long been content

but no longer

How easy would it be
to take the wealth offered me
and be content with the warmth
of friendship and family

but these millions
which are destined to me
through my labors and my inheritance
for me carry a higher price
a burden
of responsibility

would that poverty
free me of such responsibilities
for such fortune
wealth and strength
is not a gift
but a burden
to use wisely [hopefully]
for the betterment of the less fortunate

such weight
bends my back
and my will

for i am still to young
to comprehend such wisdom
which wrests my heart
from more peaceful pursuits

I have proven my skill
with useless pursuits
and base safe gratification
but
only out of fear
for to fail in such lowly
pursuits
is inconsequential

but now
faced with finding a path
a future
with meaning and value
to determine that which
my life will stand for
of
that
i am terrified

i have met the woman
i would marry
not in name
nor in face
but in spirit

i seek not an arm piece
but a partner
a woman of strength
of courage
to supplant mine own
when it lags
banish the storms of doubt
remind me of such convictions
which i stand
to be the pillars of my life

long have i lied to myself
attempted to manufacture
worthiness to travel this path

but no longer
for i am comforted now
in my inherent unworthiness
for such things
you must first do
and then be worthy of