plural

Perhaps my last ramblings
were
a tad bit over the top
as egotism goes
even for me

in my secret life

I have the past days
felt a complete and unknown high
although no drugs save the
familar warmth of bourbon and nicotine
have flowed through my veins

simple peace
has filled my veins
something which I have never known

My usually distractions
of women and folly
have little desire left
in me

save perhaps the occasional shared smile
and
lingering glance

been moving across the borders
of my secret life

in the past
i have despaired
desiring to be a better man

i feared and despised
the man that i was

for the past few days
i have been free of such
frets and worries
the liberty to love even
myself
has been a most powerful narcotic

and i would die for the truth
in my secret life

with all new found
narcotics and addictions
moderation is beyond me
but time will temper even this

for the first time in years
i know my own worth
fear not my own failings
nor disguise them

instead of sounding
arrogant words of old
a simply peace
resounds knowingly in my heart

i have found that which i am
and
that which i am not

live your life as if it's real
a thousand kisses deep

that bruised hand print
of desperate ruin
placed on my heart long ago

a wound stolen and inherited
from her lifeless and vacant shell
has finally been granted
permission to heal

for somewhere i have found
room for forgiveness
of my greatest crime

how cruel is guilt that
what we are incapable of preventing
becomes our greatest fault

and we are still making love
in my secret life

enough of all these games
and follies for which I have
ever been want to play

this casual wench
that perfect [L]ass
staring up at me with
dew drop eyes

such things
draw not my desire
nor waste my endeavor

this is the end of my winning streak
in my secret life

What is to come
I know not
but with the newfound peace
garrisoned in my heart
i have no fear of it

i have discovered
what it is that I want
I know it by name and substance
and
I know where to find it

In my invincible defeat