an ode to friendship ... or ... what exactly am i subjecting myself to here

[plural]

strange things are afoot
or atleast amusing ones

the following are excerpts
from my friends lists

and yes
completely taken out of context
isnt that fun



i'm horny.
my boyfriend has been gone a whole MONTH!
and the pocket rocket is losing its appeal. i need the hot beef injection - you know?

I hope that the whole tree situation has been resolved without too much trauma for you.

my neck hurts a lot, i think i slept funny. in fact, i know i did, cuz i had a funny dream.

realize that it's all a big trick and actually they're trying to get rid of us so aliens can invade and eat everyone.

i run to this huge building and get into the elevator to evade them. i'm goin up to the 30th floor, decide that's not high enough, and his the 154th floor button. this is a willy wonka style elevator and it's just flying all over the place.

ok so it isnt really ronald reagan

in the movies, I about threw an empty popcorn bucket from the floor at this person

give us a fucking war, and we will get to see Vader carve all those chickenshit Jedi into cauterized pussy.

Would vegans eat pussy?

I just spent 10 minutes looking around for my sunglasses before I gave up. I headed outside and into the bright light and instinctively reached up and pulled my sunglasses down off my head and over my eyes

Our first-aid cabinet should contain Preparation H, because these people are a pain in the ass

and staceys from CINCINNATI. i cant believe it. it was crazy. i think we started jumping up and down hugging and talking about jerry springer

while searching sites for transgender activism,etc, for the documentary, i came across a printout flier the says "jesus was a big fat dyke

If it was just a lap dance I wouldn't have cared, it was the lying down on stage with 20 strippers dry fucking him with one girl with her cunt in his face, and one pretending to fuck him that bothered me

my garden is not growing,
i haven't been fertilizing it well enough.
don't shit in my garden
please.
i've got my own.

she's a maine coon mix, or so we've been led to believe

she's been known to go boob stabbing

NOTE Don't be promising me sexual favors unless you plan to deliver!

Madagascar

A tasty trio of flakes, twigs and granola

in case you are not blessed with two X chromosomes: carry either a sketchpad or a camera, and make sure you do not have any illegal weapons

it helps if you can convince them you are gay as a male friend of mine once did.

so Sven grabs a hold, pulls on the cow's teats and the cow farts.

Will they ever really trust each other, each having an equal but opposite interest in paying strangers for sex?

i should publish a how-to guide for eliminating normal sleep patterns.

Your do-it-to-me-now demands can make you a little hard to please

has had crushes ranging from geeks, frat boys, closet gay bois, rich kids and egotistic greasy salesman-like guys.


ok so i am a little bored
anyway
gotta run

off to get my visa to brazil

wish me luck

Comments

[plural.livejournal.com]

absolutely

twenty strippers
is
much
much
worse than ten

much, much worse than ten?

[coven.livejournal.com]

You mean, way more than twice as bad as ten?
We could be facing a very interesting synergy here :)

in my experience

[plural.livejournal.com]

strippers and trouble
evolve expontentially

so yes
twenty stripers would be
much more than twice as bad
as ten

generally the scale is this

[one stripper]
not so good

[two strippers]
ok buddy, time to go

[three strippers]
umm excuse me

[four strippers]
wanna explain this

[five strippers]
this had better not be what it looks like

[six strippers]
and this cost you how much

[seven strippers]
what the fuck, i leave you alone for five minutes

[eight strippers]
on the count of three, i call my lawyer

[nine strippers]
and i had to post your bail....

[ten strippers]
you bastard
i told you that money was for my moms operation


As for twenty strippers
well i havent gone there
sooooo

but
let me tell you
i am scared enough
just of
number eleven

Re: in my experience

[kingnixon.livejournal.com]

but
let me tell you
i am scared enough
just of
number eleven

but you're tempted, aren't you

[plural.livejournal.com]

but of course
then
again

i am tempted by
a
llama in edible underwear
so
that doesnt say much

[kingnixon.livejournal.com]

au contraire. that says everything.

[plural.livejournal.com]

ahh yes
i do suppose
it does