Stop making sense

spent the evening with the redhead

its was good fun
lots of loving and schmoozing

she apparently had one of those long talks with her mother
she said it was a really good talk
but managed to get her mother to understand
that at twenty three she is an adult
and to back off on the treating her like a child bit

later on we were talking
and I found out that some amount of their conversation
was about me and her dating me

the other night
she had this knot in her back and asked if I could try to get it out
being that I give such great hand
she said her mother had tried and hadn't been able to get it
so
with a grin I said

"sure, but if I get it out you have to tell her I did"

not really expecting
with the tension on the subject of me
that she would

well she did
and also about how good of a cook I am
and other things along the lines of being a gentle/kind lover
[though I doubt they talked much about sex specifically]

anyway her mothers response
and some other tidbits from the discussion
which she shared
cleared up the "why her mother hates me" question
quite well

Apparently
her mother thought the bruises
which she had in the first couple of days of our dating
[and which her mother saw]
were from me shall we say
being abusive to her
as opposed to us just being a bit voracious in our lovemaking
[which was how they occurred]

of course she tried to explain to her mother
that nothing like that was going on
but she doesn't think her mother totally believed her
its hard to deny something like that
without sounding like, well, you are in denial

now to my knowledge
she hasn't had an issue with abusive relationships
but I can see why it would set off major warning bells
with her mother

So I have decided
to slowly start giving more direction
and focus to repairing their perceptions
as while we haven't had the talk

the other night
while cuddling nekkid on the couch
she asked me what I was thinking
and I said

"that I think you like me more than you let on"

she smiled softly
that sort of knowing smile women master quite young
[the type that also says silly boy asking silly questions]
and said

"yes, yes I do"

so
I am thinking in the next week or so
when it reaches about a month of having been together
I will say that I want to do this thing exclusively like

It feels a lot to me that in the few days we were apart
she conquered or at least got control of whatever fears she had
about our relationship

before whenever we had a pretty intense or intimate moment
I could feel her sort of withdrawing afterwards
as if she was uncomfortable with it
and she hasn't done that since we got back together

so who knows
but
I am enjoying our time together

what else is there to say?

Marriage and Last Names

Call me an old fashioned insensitive prick

but the matter came up in a round about way in a friends journal and rather than hijack their journal for my own ends I thought I would write about it here

I do not understand the issue that some women make with keeping their maiden names once they are married. Quite frankly I find it distasteful, not that I would look down on someone that does, but for my own part, I find it an artificial distinction.

It is perhaps one thing to keep ones maiden name for professional reasons, however, I rather view her taking my name as part of the bargain when we get married [speaking entirely hypothetical of course]. I understand, at least in theory, the feminist argument, but it doesn't quite sell me. I rather think it is a poor choice in the realm of choosing your battles.

Does keeping her last name somehow make her more respected, liberated or treated better? not really
So what is the benefit?

In my family, historically women have kept their maiden names as a middle name, and to a certain extent their maiden names have been passed down to other women in the family, for example, my younger sisters middle name is my grandmothers maiden name. Maiden names have also taken a prominent place in the naming of family properties, many of the family properties are named either including or referencing the maiden names of wives or mothers.

It is strange to me writing this, as in a way, I am at odds with myself, I feel as if I must disguise some fairly strong feelings on the point, in order to feel more politically correct, and this bothers me. I want to say that I would not consider marrying a woman unless she was willing to take my last name, but it seems a little harsh to me, not to mention, I would like to avoid being made a liar in the future, as whatever I feel now may not seem so important should I be faced with a woman I want to marry who finds it important to keep her name.

I desire for a wife, an empowered woman, and an equal partner, and to a certain extent, being so blunt here makes me feel uncomfortable in that I feel like it might give a contrary impression, but when it comes down to it, I do feel rather strongly about it, so I am stuck between feeling like I may be misconstrued as something I am not or being dishonest with my journal and my readers, by minimizing or trivializing how I feel.

In my past serious relationships, there has never been a question about it, in most cases the women were not particularly attached to their last names, or were from old fashioned families where such was simply the expectation from a very young age.

I realize there will be many of you who disagree with my stance and what I have written, and I would love to hear your perspective, why it is important to you, what you think it accomplishes, and any other thoughts you have on the matter.