A Fable

A little bird is flying south for the winter
when it flies through a bad snowstorm
the bird is forced to land in a pasture

it sits there huddling in the cold
unable to fly and freezing to death

when a cow in the pasture shits on it
the warm manure revives the bird
and he is so happy he begins to sing

a cat hears the bird sing
digs him out of the manure
and promptly eats him

the moral of the story

not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend
and if you are warm and happy
even if your surroundings arent perfect

shut the fuck up

Deliberate Thought and Random Babbling ... or ... yeah I think too much

Let me start by saying this is entirely theoretical although it was sparked by real life discussions
and it has been bouncing around in my head for sometime

shall we start with some background

I have many female friends in fact I can count my male friends on my fingers
while my close female friends alone would require toes

for the most part I have little tolerance for men, the ego and bullshit
and quite frankly while most of my female friends
are just that, friends
[i.e. pants I am not trying to get into]
they still are a lot more pleasant to look at

the older I get, the more I realize, the part this plays in my friendships
[this is a realization, not an actual increase]

the vast majority of my friends are highly attractive women

a good number of them are women who I have dated or slept with
[and some I still sleep with on occasion]
but with whom romance wasn't in the stars

I have on previous occasions commented on my tendency to choose
attractive females to serve my needs in professional areas.
My broker, attorney and accountant are all female [and attractive]
as were my real estate agent, dentist and doctors when I had need for such

now they are all highly competent, I would not choose tits over competence
but I must admit that when choosing between two equally competent individuals
the tit factor will often come into play

so enough about me and back to the situation at hand

many, if not most of these female friends and I
[this does not include my professional relationships]
flirt, often incorrigibly

it is casual fun and amusement and with a few of them
there is a running joke concerning getting married

to be clear in these cases these are either women whom
I am not interested in dating
[and who are quite clear on my position]
or women who I have no or almost no real life context with
by which to even base the most whimsical flight of fancy upon

the situation in question here concerns one of the latter

a woman, (not a girl) with whom I enjoy interacting
a woman who I respect both for her accomplishments and for her perspective on life

I want to be extremely clear on this

I have no feelings for her beyond the affection
one would have with someone
whom one has shared many laughs and even a few tears

however romantic I maybe from time to time, I do not believe in love at first sight
and I have learned to guard my heart carefully especially in situations
where there is little opportunity to do more than pine

I also do not believe in true love for me love is a function of trust, time, affection, concern and sharing
and of course
specifically with romantic love
attraction

I love a great many people but not romantically
The difference I think between those women I love as friends and those women I have loved romantically
is governed by two things one is that mischievous spark of attraction which can never be counted on to spark
except when you least expect it
and practicality

how practical is a relationship between the two of you
both in time, space, and ideals

There are many women, whom I am attracted to on various levels
but with whom a relationship would not work, for a variety of reasons
primarily lifestyle or beliefs

the practicality part explains how I can still love
many if not most of my ex-girlfriends just not romantically

I have learned that contrary to our societies love mythos that love does not always conquer all
I believe it can, providing both people are willing to make it the priority
but without that resolve love can be easily and often conquered by the smallest every day events

With that in mind I long ago realized that,
I could fall in love with nearly any woman I was attracted to
if I let myself but I do not

I have an image in my mind of what sort of woman I want to be in love with and it is no small feat to measure up there

in the interest of simplicity, I would say I want a woman,
with a brilliant mind, an open heart, an adventurous spirit, and who is hot damn attractive

now this friend in question is one of the small number of women
I know who appear to meet my criteria but with whom attempting a relationship is impractical
[in her specific case, space is the primary impracticality]
and she also happens to be one of those with whom, marriage is a running joke.

Do I love her, no
Do I have a crush on her, no
but I am amused by her, feel some affection for her, and enjoy her company

Anyway

In a recent discussion, she told me that she has herpes
and out of respect for her privacy I will not get into details beyond saying that in my opinion,
her contracting the virus was due to the malicious neglect of another rather than her own carelessness

We had a really great conversation about it, She was quite open and willing to answer a barrage of questions which came to my mind and for the purposes of the question I am going to put to you, it is also important that I say that she is quite responsible about being aware of her condition, and educating herself on the risks and circumstances and beyond that takes the responsibility to communicated proactively with potential partners.

i.e. she is being responsible in dealing with her situation and moving on with her life

and that I respect a lot, for too many people fail that test.

so after talking with her, I thought about it quite a bit and tried to imagine how that would affect me.

I have always been fairly terrified of STDs, I have been tested every six months since I was 14
so my first thoughts were fairly centered on how contracting such a virus would affect me

I have never even had a cold sore, let alone any other STD
hell, I haven't had mono, pink eye or almost any communicable condition
save chicken pox
I have pretty much always been absolutely healthy
and stayed away from anyone who could give me anything beyond
the common cold or a case of the flu

but then it occurred to me

What would I do if faced with the following situation:

A woman I meet, whom I am highly attracted to and who I greatly respect, a woman who appears to meet my criteria but who informs me she has herpes.

These days herpes is a highly manageable condition, in fact it is theoretically possible to have a relationship with a carrier
without contracting the virus, provided both people are proactive and aware
but theory, risk and reality are very different markers

but what about risk, I take risks all the time, and have often risked life and limb for far less lofty a concept as love
I like to tell myself they are calculated risks, but would this not also be calculated?
and am I lying to myself anyway trying to convince myself that my calculated risks are any less risky?

My first thought was perhaps the risk is worth is for love but not for lust or perhaps a better way to phrase it
would be I wouldn't sleep with a carrier just to get laid but that if marriage was a potential, I wouldn't throw the babe out with the bath water

because if I am never going to have sex with someone else the question of such a disease is fairly moot
really with something like herpes what are the effects
the symptoms are manageable and the primary disruptions to your life
are with potentially infecting someone else and the social stigma attracted to it

if you were married neither would matter much

the next question which came up was of premarital sex if you have sex with a carrier before you are married
how is that any different than sex for lust after all, intending to get married and getting married are two different things

so that lead me to a position of no premarital sex
but still not throwing the baby out with the bath water

I mean if this person is someone I could have a meaningful life with
a person who shares my values and perspectives on things
how much does something like herpes weigh in on that question

in a married situation it seems to hardly matter
in a single situation it seems to weigh quite heavily

of course the idea of getting married without having sex first
seems a little antiquated for me

but then we move to the question of divorce

while I have no intention of getting divorced
I would be a fool not to realize that it is always a possibility
our society's divorces rates are too high to dismiss so casually
especially considering one is risking a permanent condition

and even if you discard divorce
there is always the possibility that your spouse might die

the question comes down to weight

what weighs more

the chance that you might have a loving and wonderful relationship for the rest of your life
or
the chance that you might at some point be single and with a communicable disease

Part of me, wants to say, it depends on the girl

the romantic in me wants to say that for the right woman
I would throw my cares away and conquer the world
and in many ways that is true

the cynic in me however is never silent
it put the weight in the other corner
and
reminds me that I do not think my pride could handle
having to explain to a person who I was romantically interested
that I had a communicable disease

It is one of those choices
where when I try on either position
to see how it feels
neither feels entirely comfortable

I can not abide the idea that I would let such a woman slip through my fingers for anything unrelated to who she is
but at the same time, I am not sure I could be comfortable with the risks either

I suppose what it comes down to is that it is one of those choices
which we are unable to make until we are actually in the situation

so I guess I will have to let this dentate lie unresolved
unless a situation occurs where I have to find a peace with it

If you have gotten this far, I applaud your stamina and ask you

What would you do?

How would you approach such a situation?


I debated making a post about this for some time
partly because it was so abstract but I figured how I approach such a question
says as much about me as whatever answer I do or do not find
and that approach, that process is as much what I am sharing here as anything else

Lastly, a select few of your may have the ability to discern the identity of the person in question,
by piecing together other pieces of information which I have shared with you.

Out of respect for their privacy, and considering this post is not really about them,
even though they sparked the many of the thoughts I would appreciate your discretion as to their identity.

and that's my nickel

use it as you see fit

An Indian Fable

This is the story of Onestone the Indian Brave. This was his Indian name
given to him because he had only one testicle.


After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and said, "If
anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"


The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a
young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning Onestone."


He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest. There he
ravished her all day, he ravished her all night, he ravished her all the next
day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.


The word got around that Onestone meant business.


Years went by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village
after many years away. Yellow Bird who was Blue Bird's cousin was overjoyed when
she saw Onestone and hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone."


Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he ravished
her all day, ravished her all night, ravished her all the next day, ravished
her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

And the moral of the story?

You cant kill two birds with one stone