(no subject)

I am not as think as you drunk I am

last night I scored a solid five points [two of you will get this, so don't feel bad if you don't]

So

I was invited to the local yacht club
as an honored guest of an association
of young professionals

some of Sydney youngest and finest
stockbrokers, accountants and the like
and their wives

and was exceedingly pleased
to find the bar well stocked with bourbon
and proceed directly to remedy that

It took me about two hours but damn if I didn't

of course I had one hell of a Cuban cigar
considered by many people in the know
to be the best Cuban cigar

the ever lauded

Montichristo No. 2

now officially by Cape Breton regional law or something like that
you are not allowed to smoke indoors in any public place

however there are two important things to consider here
one - it is three degrees below zero outside
so sitting outside for two hours to smoke a cigar is not humanly possible

and second as I referred to above

we are at the yacht club

the rules in the real world stay in the real world, only the yacht club rules apply

this is what happens when you take
some of the worlds most ambitious and powerful people
and turn them into sailors

they all decide at some point to get shit faced and act like pirates

oh the horrors I've seen

so a group of us men retire to the now unofficial cigar room
with its permanently installed ashtrays and fire up these stogies
depending of course, on several very kind and well trained wives
to keep us stocked and plied with booze

a few were even brave enough to join us for a few minutes
before realizing that some things were best left to the men

now do not get me wrong this isn't some sort of
women aren't privileged enough to join our party thing
rather the opposite they are smart enough to avoid it

so after about three hours of bullshitting
one fabulous Cuban cigar
a fifth of bourbon
and quite a few dark and stormies

we reach the level of drunken rambunctiousness that absolutely requires a public audience

luckily the yacht club is centrally located to all the bars

we got to a place called smooth hermans

which I don't know how many hermans you know
but from my experience is a complete oxymoron
anyway
as clubs go it is pretty sad
but its what we got round here

on stage there is a guy named sam moon
who is apparently something of a local celebrity
not because he is that good but because he was good
like back in the 70s and totally blew his chance

looking at his black mumu with a silver moon
I really cant imagine how

I dance with a few girls
but nothing is really catching my eye
drink more than a few drinks
hang with the boys
roam the club a bit

I see this girl
cute but nothing to write home about
the kind of girl you wouldn't be embarrassed
if your friends saw you with her
but they wouldn't really be all that jealous either

we happen to make eye contact
so I smile and nod and continue on
she taps me on my shoulder
and says into my ear
if you want to talk to me
you have about two minutes
so I turn around and say why not
but first
why do I only have two minutes

apparently she hadn't thought through
her approach that much
and her attempt to catch me off guard
backfires
but I am feeling somewhat gentle
so we shoot the shit for a bit
before I get bored
and use the excuse of getting another drink
and finding my friends
to wish her a good night

it was actually a good thing that I did
as one of my friends
plastered beyond recognition or sense
is desperately trying to seduce a grenade
and another of the boys
a young fellow from a prominent local family
is trying to dissuade him
not simply out of aesthetics
but also because the fellow has a girl
and apparently a good one

it takes us a few minutes
to separate em and get him outside

there is something of a crowd outside
and we mill about some
before we decide it is time to get
the boy home

I put the two of em in a cab
and take the next one for myself
leaving my car there for the night

as at my level of inebriation
the old adage

"but officer, I had to drive, I was too drunk to walk"

seems more and more a reasonable excuse