stolen from sugarpuss

After having their eleventh child, an Arkansas couple decided that was
enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to
his veterinarian and told him that he and his sister did not want to have
any more children.

The vet told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks
are legal in Arkansas) light it, put it in a beer can and then hold it up to
his ear and count to ten. The husband said, "I may not be the smartest
guy in the world but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can
next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me" said the vet.
So the husband went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held it up to his ear and began to count:
One,
Two,
Three,
Four,
Five,
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so
he could resume counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Oklahoma, Kentucky, Alabama and West
Virginia."

It aint rocket science ... or is it

Scientists at Roll Royce built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, and military jets , all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

American engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the American engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified engineers sent Rolls Royce the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged them for suggestions.

Rolls Royce responded with a one-line memo:

"Defrost the chicken."