ah hell

I totally spaced it
but
I have to drive
two freaking hours to Newton NC
tomorrow morning
and
even worse
I have to be there at 9am sharp

ugg speeding tickets suck
and manditory court appearance
suck even more
especially when I am pretty sure
I wasnt actually speeding
[this time]

although the DA
did say he would reduce the ticket
if
I showed up tomorrow

happy freaking birthday to me

stupid fucking people

If you are stupid, liberal, french or of delicate fucking sensibilities
you had better just stop reading this right about here.

I am halting temporarily the war on terrorism

fuck the terrorists, the little attention whores can wait

There is a more pressing need

from here out it is all out war on stupid people and france
then we can deal with any terrorist smart enough to have survived the war on stupid people
which I do not think will be very many

I hate stupid fucking people and I hate france

I have evidence which inexorably links the nation of france to stupid people
[no, that isn't my handwriting]
[of course I didn't just make this stuff up]
[ah hell, if its good enough for bush, why not me]

on that note
I have to give credit to arafat
listen up folks cause this is probably the only praise for that old bag of putrid camel spit
you will ever hear from me

The man knows how to deal with stupid motherfuckers

how you might ask?
it is brilliantly simple
he convinces them to strap large amounts of explosives to their bodies
and blow their stupid asses to kingdom come

now I would have more support for the idea
if he wasnt killing lots of civilians at the same time
but I figure he must be a realist
getting rid of stupid people has a cost
if some innocent people have to die
to get rid of the stupid people it is probably worth it
especially since chances are better than not
that some of those dying are also stupid motherfuckers
the lucky bastard gets the best of both worlds

that said

I am going back to my secret laboratory
and going to spend the next several weeks
advancing my research on making stupidity painful

I am almost at the human trial phase now
so soon I will have to start abducting stupid people
to test my theories

which means I need a shit load of christmas lights and tinfoil to construct my flying saucer
so I can whisk them out of trailer parks without anyone besides the national enquirer giving a damn

if you are a stupid person and do not wish to be abducted by me
and subjected to painful and humiliating experiments
fold a piece of tinfoil into a long band and tie it around your forehead
make sure you put the shiny side facing outward to increase visibility

this will identify you as a fucking moron
but I will honor it because at least then in my normal day to day life
I can identify you from quite a distance and avoid you

it is sort of a you scratch my back
I wont scratch yours

otherwise god only knows what my sadistic laboratory assistant
will do to you, especially if you are cute
he doesn't get out much and well
even misshapen sadistic lab assistants need love
and trust me,
you do not want to be on the recieving end of that particular equation

Back from court

so
I went into court
looking good
feeling good

it came time to argue my case
and
damn I was smooth
short, concise, confident
in short
damn sexy
I would have fucked me
hell
the judge agreed even
and so he did

fuck me that is

I got raped by a hick judge

basically
the police officer did not show up
which should have the case dismissed
but
the prosecutor asked for a continuance
I argued against the continuance
as an undue hardship not justified by the severity of the infraction
as I have to drive five hours round trip to appear in court

I had the judge sold for about thirty seconds
I could see it in his eyes
just before he opened his mouth
his eyes flashed to this side of the room
I do not know what he saw there
but his face changed

I was getting sold down the river
boom
that was it

before the judge could rule
I requested permission to withdraw my not-guilty plea
and accept the prosecutors plea agreement
the judge accepted the plea change
and the plea agreement

fined me a total of one hundred and forty bucks
[speeding fine + court costs]
and
I was on my way

my ass hurt the whole way home
but
in my head
was repeating a single phrase

and it brought a smile to my face
in the way
that only pure unadulterated eogism can

anyway
I have a class to go to

ciao mi bella

(no subject)

how can you not love
a president who takes such an active interest
in the education of our nations youth