(no subject)

in case your
wondering

i decided to
use icq again
so

i have added everyone
on
my friends list
that has an
icq number listed
in their
profiles

so if you get
a request

it may be from me

if you dont have your
icq number listed
and wanna schmooze
mine is on my profile

if you dont have
an
icq account
you should get one
cause i have decided to
be
a
aim/yahoo etc snob
and
keep things simple
by
just using
icq
[its all owned by aol]
[anyway]

this amused me

A man was stopped by a state game warden in Oregon
leaving a lake well known for its fishing,
with a bucket of fish

The warden asked the man,
"Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

The man replied,
"No sir, these are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"
the warden asked.

"Yes sir. Every night I take them down to the lake and let them
swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets
and and I take them home."

"Bullshit! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the warden for a moment and said,
"Here, I'll prove it to you"

"Ok, I've got to see this!"

The man poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden turned to the man and said,
"Well?"

"Well, what?" the man replied.

"When are you going to call them back?"

"Call who back?" the man replied.

"The fish!" the warden said.

"What fish?",
asked the man with the bucket.

for Jackie - more random babbling

"life is pain highness
anyone who says differently
is selling something"

the horrible truth about
people is
they will treat you
as poorly as
you let
[or expect]
them to

most people
are schmucks

that said
what is the point
why bother with it all?

well
it is simple

human nature

why do people use
crack, heroin or any drug

it makes you feel really good

now if you did
a critical analysis of
the amount of time
you feel like crap
after doing any of these drugs

in comparison to the
usually short period
of bliss

any rational person
would see that it
is a poor decision

but humans for
all our posturing and
grandeur are not
rational beings

we may
on rare occasions
have the ability to
reason

but we are predominately
emotion creature

we need
so badly to feel good
that we are willing to
destroy our bodies with toxins
to get even the smallest amount
of happiness

in life
and all things

there are risks
and rewards

if you bet on the
favourite horse
in a race
you wont make much money
but if
you bet on a
three legged nag
and it wins
you are set for life

reward is equal to risk

the more you are
willing to risk
the more you can gain

take no risks
make no gain

everyday we take
a huge number of risks
without even thinking

the most dangerous
thing most people
will do in their lives
is
to get in their cars
but do people
do a risk analysis
each time they get into their car
to determine if the trip
they are taking
is worth the risk
of serious injury
or death

no
that would be ludicrous
and silly

of course it is also
called being in denial

it wont happen to us
"because we are good drivers"
as if we have any control

on a national level
about thirty percent
of drivers either
do not have a license
or have a suspended license

that means that
every third car
you pass
is being controlled by
someone who
either
never learned to drive
was to incompetent to pass a driving exam
or
was so irresponsible that the state
decided the roads would be safer without them

are you willing to die
or spend your life in a wheelchair
for that starbucks latte?

so why are we so
unwilling to take risks
in love?

i hear people
swearing off love
they got hurt once
or many times
and they wont do it again

first of all
when our friends
say
fuck men
fuck women
i am going to be single
not going to get my heart broken again

we know they are lying
they don't know they are
but we do

even the most
jaded of us
is susceptible

love is the heroin
of our souls

we will do anything
for our next fix

at least the heroin
junkie
know what they need
how to get it
and
where to get more

we run around in
bars
trying to make snappy impressions

we are all looking
for that hollywood fairytale

prince charming
&
snow white

well
snow white
and
prince charming
dont live here folks
they live in some other place
where people
live happily ever after

your prince charming
may just be that geek
who sat behind you in
science class
staring at your hair
trying to get up the
guts to even say hello

or that
rather ackward
girl next door

[who by the way]
[looks damn fine now]

who you ignored
because you and every
other damn fool
was chasing the
same bleach blonde
cheerleader princess
who now has fake tits
and
does low quality
soft core porn

i have a challenge
for all you boys and girls

next time you are at a club
or coffeeshop
or walking down the street

make eye contact
smile nod
talk to

that mousey girl
or
that geeky guy

you may not
find the love of your life
but you might just
have an interesting
conversation

why is it that
guys have to have
a slick line to
talk to a girl
or
that a girl
has to have
36Ds to get
a guys attention?

girls you want to know
how to understand guys

and

guys want to understand girls?

its really quite simple

at our core
we all want the same things

all these games and cruelty
stems from either
our resentments from not getting what we want
or
from some misguided attempt to get it

everyone knows about the
three day rule
or whatever it is now

a guy should wait three days
before calling a girl
so he doesnt seem to eager

how fucked is that?

i say
be honest
be upfront
if you like someone
say so
if you just want to fuck them
say so
if you are excited because you met them
and think they are really cool
call them

you know what
you may get hurt
in fact
i can guarantee you will
but you know what
i can also guarantee
that
we will still
get hurt
if we keep going
the way we are

so
fuck convention
and
stop trying to
explain
arrange
orchestrate
understand
and
just live

live first
and ask questions later

and
with that
i
will take my rambling
and
my glass of bourbon
out for the night
to wallow in the
company of old friends
and
desperate drink

Dirty Things You Can Say on Thanksgiving and Get Away with it

Talk about large breasts!

Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

It's Cool Whip time!

If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

Whew, that's one terrific spread!

I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

Are you ready for seconds yet?

Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

Don't play with your meat.

Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

You still have a little bit on your chin.

How long will it take after you stick it in?

You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

How long do I beat it before it's ready?