well that was fun

Well
Folks

It appears
we had
a lil earthquake

I am going
home to survey the damage

hold on love
I will be there soon

a measly 7 pointer and everyone is all excited

well

Amber is ok
my cats are ok
the house is undisturbed

all in all
the world has survived

I was actually on the phone
with someone about 20 miles away
who felt it first
so I knew it was coming
and just relaxed in my desk chair
and rode it out

calming the lady on the
other end of the phone
hiding under her desk

it was strange

she said
oh my god its an earthquake
and
then
it slowly started to shake
then increased
until it got rather violent
my office lamp
swayed a bit
so I knocked it over

once it was over
I tried to call home
but the cell phone wasn't
connecting

talked with and
comforted some
coworkers
bullshitted about how big it was

decided
that I needed to go home
and
make sure all was all right on the
home front

all in all
an eventful day

ah fuck it

Things you only wish you could say at the office

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
I have plenty of talent and vision I just don't give a fuck.
How about "never"? is "never" good for you?
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
I Don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
No. my powers can only be used for good.
I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
You sound reasonable, time to up my medication.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
Do I look like a fucking people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
You! Off my planet!!
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
How many times do I have to flush before you will go away?
Aw, did I step on your poor little itty bitty ego?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
I'm not tense, just terribly and terribly alert.
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
Earth is full, Go home.