(no subject)

some
days
are



just
wrong.



like
a squared
quarter

I prophecies di uno sciocco

my mother once said
never to tempt fate



i should have listened

this was a day
which I was supposed
to travel to the east coast
to spend a few days
with friends and family
long unseen
but my recent illness
prevented such a trip

this was a day
that i should have
remained in bed

of course
it was not to be

having been a little
lavish in my recent spending habits
required a trip to replenish my finances

I crawled from my cave



called ahead
and a draft
was prepared

and so i went
upon my arrival i realized
i had forgotten my wallet
and with it my identification
which i need to present
to pick up the check

the cashier closed
promptly at four
and it was now
a quarter to

armed with only
my microsoft id
i crossed my fingers
and went inside

luckily
the woman
at the counter
found it acceptable
and released
the draft to me

i went to the bank
and deposited it
feeling much relieved

on my way home
i stopped by the grocery store
to replenish supplies

i purchased

cranberry juice
cran-peach juice
cran-grape juice
cran-raspberry juice
orange juice
egg nog
milk
my beloved Green Nyquil
ColdCare tissues (the ones with aloe and moisturizer for my chapped nose)
2 cans of chicken soup
2 cans of tomato soup
satsumas

a yarhzeit (memorial) candle
for today is the birthday of



my love

i spent an ungodly amount of time
perusing the wine selection
in a daze
out of habit
then realizing
I was not going to buy any
went to check out

I will refer you
to my previous discovery
that I had left my wallet
at home
and you can anticipate
my next problem

completing her duty
the checker rang up my goods
and then it was my turn
and I discovered
for the second time
in an hour
that I
had forgotten
my wallet at home

she was kind
and offered to bag
my goods while
I, the fool, ran home
to get some form of payment
which I did

so now
I sit at home
alone



in the singular light
of the yarhzeit candle


pondering the
sound of
mine own soul



weeping

conversazioni con dio

I am the lord your god


thou art the god of my father
and his fathers before him,
thou has in thy glory,
forsaken the prodigal son,
and locked the gates
of thy heaven behind him


You shall have no gods before me,
nor shall thou raise up idols


the false idol in my living room
hears my pleas
my suffering
when you do not,
and in response,
does no less than thee


You shall not bow down to them
or worship them; for I,
the LORD your God, am a jealous God,
punishing the children for the sin
of the fathers to the third and
fourth generation of those who hate me


a jealous god thou art
but thy jealousy in truth
hold no more justice
than that of cruel fate
we the children of the
third and fourth generation
hate
for thee has taught us
no other way


You shall not misuse the name of the LORD
your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone
guiltless who misuses his name.


in all my curses
I could not begin
to misuse thy name
for no sound on thy earth
rings viler in mine ears
thy false glory exceeds
even thy false justice


Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.


your day of rest
is spared not by I
for in my misery
I am granted no
day of sanction


Honor your father and your mother,
so that you may live long
in the land the LORD your God is giving you.


To honor those
who have brought me
to thy accursed lands
I shall do not for thee
but in spite of thee
for those who brought me hence
know not the sin
they have unleashed upon thy kingdom
and may go
in my grace


You shall not murder.


is this sin
reserved only for thee?

for countless are my
grievances
unheard and unwelcome
in your ears


You shall not commit adultery.


by your hand
I was spared
the sanctity
of marriage vows
when you took my
love from me
for that I should
respect those whom
thee deemed so worthy?
behold, will I rend the fabric
of your injustices
until thou have
no choice but judge me


You shall not steal.


shall I steal from thee
the sanctity of souls
abandoned in your worship
as thee has stolen from me


You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.


for none shall dispense
false judgement and
false justice
but thee, in thine glory
all be damned


You shall not covet your neighbor's house.
You shall not covet your neighbor's wife,
or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey,
or anything that belongs to your neighbor


in this I shall obey
not out of servility but
for I perceive the futility of
such coveting
what thy will graces
I have
what thy will denies
I shall ever be in want
what good be his ox or his donkey
his maidservant, house or wife
to me

for all that I desire
has been struck from
thy book of life
and my cursed existence
lies in want


for your unyielding mercy
on the day
my name
is so erased
from thy book


Until then
a single flame
burns eternal
to remind me
of thy cruelty