real life

hmm
I realize my journal
has been hijacked by all this political shit recently

and well since we have the official domain up
and will be launching v2 of the site Friday morning

I guess I can drop it from here now

its been strange
I get phone calls from people I know
many of them superficially
saying they saw me on TV

7 days to Whistler
most excited

I will be moving my journal entries back to public when I have a chance

amazing how jazzed I was after last weekend, now its just
becoming another 10 things on my to do list
although I like the feeling

been thinking about
what the hell to
do with myself
on a pseudo-spiritual level

Budhaboy thinks I need to find a nice Jewish girl
but I am not so sure

its been strange lately

I have met women
whom I was attracted to
but felt no desire to pursue it
not out of any lacking on their part

I just feel more at peace
in many ways
than I have
in a long time

kind of focusing on taking care of me
physically, mentally, spiritually

where to go next
can idealism be made real?

A quick question

Got a simple question for you for those of you who have read
my journal for sometime

I want to know
how you would describe me to another person
if you were asked to capture my essence.

please be blunt and brutally honest
flattery will do neither of us any good

I am curious

what are my faults?
my strengths?
my psychoses?
my gifts?

I would like to see myself
through your eyes

then let the beggars ride

if only

if only

walking alone
with my thoughts

its cold
so cold

the air burns my lungs

frost on the windshields
of the cars parked
nearby

if only

if only

relaxing
watching the fake fire
flicker

feeling its warmth
artificial joy

my cats
pace
feeling
my mood

my eyes
drawn back
to my fetish
my primitive demon
watching me
watching him
his smile
awakens something
primal in me

if only

if only what?

wish I knew